Separation anxiety in 10 year old girl

[superscruffymum]

We've been battling for over a year now with my dd's separation anxiety disorder (diagnosed by psychologist) but - after many visits to the psychologist and lots of work on relaxation / mindfulness techniques, no real change - am wondering if there's an alternative that we can try? It is all focussed on me so - apart from school - she won't let me go anywhere without becoming hysterical and panicking. She won't even get a lift home from school with friends or go on playdates anymore, let alone sleepovers. She's in a complete panic about her school residential in a couple of months (3 nights away). From a selfish point of view, it also means that I'm essentially 'trapped' and can't have any time out to myself, which as we all now is essential to keeping sane!! It's taken over our lives and has massively impacted the whole family. I just desperately want to help her and to see her flourish - she's missing out on so much, it breaks my heart.
Would love to hear from anyone who has been in same situation as me, especially anyone who's come out the other side...

[bourgeoisfishwife]

I have a 7yo with separation anxiety. Am a little behind you in the process, school have been doing elsa work with her, and I'm seeing the gp tomorrow to discuss as we've been told a camhs referral would be appropriate.

We've worked out that it seems to be triggered by stress/anxiety, not just the thought of being apart from me. But her reaction to the stress is to get very clingy and upset at leaving me. She's also learnt to hide it very effectively which is partly why school haven't got very far with being able to help her.

I guess I dont have much to offer in terms of how to handle it, I've tried normalising, challenging and sympathising in different measures. Can you ask to see a different psychologist as there are lots of different approaches, and it might be that a different one from what she's received already might be helpful?

[Freddorika]

10 is still really young. I can totally understand her not wanting nights away. Will she go to a club without you? Is the residential too far away for her to go for days only?

[Freddorika]

And 7 is tiny!

[superscruffymum]

Yes - agree that 10 is young but she is the only one of her peers who seems to suffer from this (in a year group of 120 children she will be the only one not staying overnight on the residential) and the psychologist has said that it is developmentally not 'normal'. Am going to approach somebody at The Sunflower Trust on a recommendation as an alternative to the psychologist - hope they might be able to help. Guess we just have to keep working on it and hope she comes out the other side.

[Tashadunley]

Hi, I could have written this post myself. My child is exactly the same. Not even my husband can look after her or take her to school. She won’t go on okay dates and has her residential coming up and is petrified and at the moment I wontbeableto send her. How did you resolve this?

[lmcconville]

I am experiencing the exact same thing with my 10 year old daughter. She has always struggled with leaving me but over the past year or two, instead of getting better with age, it's getting worse. She is crying even going to school which she has always been fine with. i feel it is affecting her social skills as she won't attend clubs or go to friends house, although she is happy to have them come to our house. i have spoke to the school who are working with me and the doctor is referring her to a child psychologist but i wondered if any of you have any suggestions or advice you can give?
It is breaking my heart seeing her struggle like this and worried sick about her moving on to secondary school.
Thanks in advance for your help.

[sdkmicciche]

Any follow up in your daughter? My 10 yr old son is going through the same thing now.