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Raising girls(6 Posts)
DD is only 14 months and I already feel quite anxious about raising her well. Obviously she'll be her own person, but I want to teach her about feminism and that she can do anything a boy can do and being independent and strong. I'm quite shy and a people pleaser and I hate that about myself. I've also spent most of my life hating my appearance and having no confidence, how do I stop her feeling that way too? Basically how can I stop my daughter from turning out like me?
I feel like I worry more about her because she's a girl, I think I'd be much more relaxed with a boy. At the moment she is completely happy and innocent and it makes me sad to think about insecurities creeping in and tainting that.
I think one of the best things you can do is lead by example.
I think you learning to accept and love yourself will be a good start. Be a positive role model and she will follow. Otherwise fake it till you make it with self confidence;)
I feel a bit like this too. I think about how others see me too much I've realised but especially since becoming a mummy. I want people to like me. How I think of myself depends on how others view me. I'm not confident I've not got loads of friends and I always think I've got nothing to offer people.
I don't want my little girl to be like me really.
I think faking it is the way. But that's hard cos you can't keep it up forever.
I also think being active with her is good if she'll do it. And getting out and about and encouraging her to speak to people.
I've got 2 dds so I hear you! I've made a vow to myself to not criticise my appearance in front of my girls, none of the "I'm so fat I need to go on a diet" I heard as a 14 yr old from my 8 stone size 10 DM. I say how pretty I am (I'm actually quite average looking) and how gorgeous they are BUT I also make a conscious effort to praise them equally for being kind, brave, clever, friendly etc. I don't want their self worth tied up with appearances.
I would really really recommend you check out "A Mighty Girl". They have a great website and an active Facebook page/twitter account too with lots of relevant articles and resources for raising girls in today's society.
I'm trying to think of other things I try to do...oh I never "make" them kiss or hug someone if they don't want to (a good idea for both genders) and when I was cutting down breastfeeds with DD1 I would say no and mean no. I think it's really important to teach them that if anyone's says "no don't touch my body" then you should respect it.
I also follow let toys be toys and let clothes be clothes on twitter and encourage my girls to play with whatever the hell they want to. When we see typical "male" jobs like builders etc I say "you could be that when you grow up" etc (I do that for the typical female jobs too tbh).
I sound v left wing but I'm not in other areas of parenting!
Maybe the best thing you can do is to start working on yourself, if possible and start to change the things that obstruct you.
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