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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Mommy guilt

28 replies

Bigmomma28 · 23/02/2017 23:07

Hello people
I'm so upset about something, please let me know if I am being silly. So I have been working part time from home and just started a business a few months ago. Done a bit of business but invoices won't be clearing for a while so I have used all my money for payroll as well as borrowed some from DH. It's my DDs first birthday next week and I can't afford to pay for a birthday cake. I'm so heartbroken, can't stop crying and I feel as if I have failed my daughter. I can't tell DH because he will think I am crazy crying over cake.
It's her first birthday and there will be no cake for her....I feel terrible

OP posts:

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SallyGinnamon · 23/02/2017 23:13

Honestly she won't remember.

Coconut0il · 23/02/2017 23:14

Don't feel terrible, she'll have absolutely no idea. We've had cakes for DS1 and 2 but never anything more than a £10 one. For one of DS1's birthdays we made a giant rice krispie cake together, for another we melted chocolate and poured it over a £1 chocolate Swiss roll then DS1 covered it with smarties and jelly tots. I have a lovely photo of him absolutely covered in chocolate

You've been working really hard with your business. Do not worry about not having a fancy cake.

blueistheonlycolourwefeel · 23/02/2017 23:14

Make one? And yes, she won't remember or care.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 23/02/2017 23:16

Cakes are about £2.99 in the average supermarket, a nice chocolate one. You don't have to get a child's one. Why can't her dad get one?

Pigeonpost · 23/02/2017 23:20

What? A simple cake costs very little. Presumably your DH has money to spend on household groceries for the family if you personally don't? Am I missing something here?

AssassinatedBeauty · 23/02/2017 23:21

Do you have separate finances from your DH? Is there a reason he isn't contributing to the birthday?

As an aside, she won't care at 1 year old about a cake. She won't even know it's her birthday. You could do it on a different day when you (and your DH) can organise a cake.

Bigmomma28 · 24/02/2017 00:06

DH thinks I am silly wanting a birthday cake for the baby. He still thinks I am silly for buying her a present...that's just how he is. I don't know how to bake a cake, refused to learn otherwise I would never stop baking them lol.
I just have this idea in my head that I have to have a nice party for her, complete with a colourful cake and outfit so I don't let her down...I always feel like whatever I do for her, I'm not good enough or doing enough.
All I want is for her to be happy...and I think I am always coming up short somehow. And I don't want her to be upset when she grows up if I don't make a fuss about her first birthday

OP posts:

offblackeggshell · 24/02/2017 00:09

It would take you less time to learn than it has taken you to write these posts.

AssassinatedBeauty · 24/02/2017 00:10

I still don't understand why your DH has money but you don't? Don't you share money?

If your DH is really going to be so unpleasant as to stop you from having a little celebration of your DDs birthday, is there anyone who could lend you a small amount of money?

lilydaisyrose · 24/02/2017 00:11

Yes just bake a cake! You clearly have the internet, just google a recipe and follow it!

LiveLifeWithPassion · 24/02/2017 00:14

Just bake a cake or buy a simple one, stick a candle in it and you're done. Buy some balloons if you can afford it.

You shouldn't be getting upset Over this.

quicklydecides · 24/02/2017 00:15

Lol

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 24/02/2017 00:27

Your baby won't remember, I can assure you.

As an aside, I can assure you that if I can bake a cake, you can too.

sandgrown · 24/02/2017 06:49

No grandparents or aunties/uncles who could make her a cake ?

Chrisinthemorning · 24/02/2017 07:00

As she's only one, just do a mini cake? Buy a pretty cupcake or some mini rolls (M&S Colin the Caterpillar mini rolls are a couple of pounds for a whole packet) and put a candle in it.
Can you afford to spend around £3?

Sososososo · 24/02/2017 07:03

You don't need to learn to bake. You just follow a recipe. Either way she won't remember.

PetalMettle · 24/02/2017 07:04

My Ds'S 1st birthday party and cake was cancelled as a close relative died unexpectedly the night before. He didn't notice or care. At this age it's about you not them. Just take her to the park and get some nice pictures

Glastronaut · 24/02/2017 07:08

www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/parents-realise-childs-first-birthday-party-is-total-waste-of-time-20160426108317

SirNiallDementia · 24/02/2017 07:09

You say you have 'borrowed ' money from DH - as a family you should have shared finances and be able to take £2 from the FAMILY pot to buy a small sponge cake.

smilingsarahb · 24/02/2017 07:09

I get this post isn't really about cake. They sell cake for £1 which you can stick a candle in. Most of the big party cakes taste horrid. Those £1 actually taste nicer and you can decorate with jelly tots or a fairy toy. It's really about having a difficult husband who doesn't seem very fair with his finances. Enjoy the birthday and then sit down with your partner to make a more equitable financial and childcare arrangements.

Glastronaut · 24/02/2017 07:12

Your child really won't remember. And don't get me started on 'cake smash photo shoots'. Could you ask a relative/ grandparent to make a cake? I asked my cousin to make one instead of a present. There are a lot of other things to feel guilty about as a mum don't add this to the list x

bloodymaria · 24/02/2017 07:12

Are you meaning a big fancy, custom cake? Because that is a waste of money however much you have to spare! Get down to tesco, buy a sponge cake and some icing sugar. Or ask your DH to?

Respectfully though, you sound overly anxious about this, it's really not worth stressing over. Big picture is you're putting a lot of energy into becoming a success with your own business which will benefit your daughter much more than a birthday cake will.

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LiveLifeWithPassion · 24/02/2017 08:26

Can your husband afford a cake?

Bigmomma28 · 24/02/2017 09:11

Thanks everyone I feel a lot better now. I think I'll steal an idea from a previous post...baby will really enjoy making a mess with chocolate more than a fancy cake and party :).
I need to become a more laid back mom so I don't drive myself nuts

OP posts:

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 24/02/2017 10:55

It is easy to get sucked into thinking you have to do 'everything', but you have to harden yourself a bit and do what works for you and your family.

My children say 'everyone' has been to Disney, has big houses, buys the school photos every year, their parents also attend all school events/is at home after school every day/bakes things for the bake sale.

I don't do these things but we have a lot of fun times, but be prepared as once they get older, they try to guilt you!

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