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Mommy guilt

(29 Posts)
Bigmomma28 Thu 23-Feb-17 23:07:26

Hello people
I'm so upset about something, please let me know if I am being silly. So I have been working part time from home and just started a business a few months ago. Done a bit of business but invoices won't be clearing for a while so I have used all my money for payroll as well as borrowed some from DH. It's my DDs first birthday next week and I can't afford to pay for a birthday cake. I'm so heartbroken, can't stop crying and I feel as if I have failed my daughter. I can't tell DH because he will think I am crazy crying over cake.
It's her first birthday and there will be no cake for her....I feel terrible

SallyGinnamon Thu 23-Feb-17 23:13:37

Honestly she won't remember.

Coconut0il Thu 23-Feb-17 23:14:10

Don't feel terrible, she'll have absolutely no idea. We've had cakes for DS1 and 2 but never anything more than a £10 one. For one of DS1's birthdays we made a giant rice krispie cake together, for another we melted chocolate and poured it over a £1 chocolate Swiss roll then DS1 covered it with smarties and jelly tots. I have a lovely photo of him absolutely covered in chocolate grin

You've been working really hard with your business. Do not worry about not having a fancy cake.

blueistheonlycolourwefeel Thu 23-Feb-17 23:14:42

Make one? And yes, she won't remember or care.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo Thu 23-Feb-17 23:16:21

Cakes are about £2.99 in the average supermarket, a nice chocolate one. You don't have to get a child's one. Why can't her dad get one?

Pigeonpost Thu 23-Feb-17 23:20:12

What? A simple cake costs very little. Presumably your DH has money to spend on household groceries for the family if you personally don't? Am I missing something here?

AssassinatedBeauty Thu 23-Feb-17 23:21:17

Do you have separate finances from your DH? Is there a reason he isn't contributing to the birthday?

As an aside, she won't care at 1 year old about a cake. She won't even know it's her birthday. You could do it on a different day when you (and your DH) can organise a cake.

Bigmomma28 Fri 24-Feb-17 00:06:32

DH thinks I am silly wanting a birthday cake for the baby. He still thinks I am silly for buying her a present...that's just how he is. I don't know how to bake a cake, refused to learn otherwise I would never stop baking them lol.
I just have this idea in my head that I have to have a nice party for her, complete with a colourful cake and outfit so I don't let her down...I always feel like whatever I do for her, I'm not good enough or doing enough.
All I want is for her to be happy...and I think I am always coming up short somehow. And I don't want her to be upset when she grows up if I don't make a fuss about her first birthday

offblackeggshell Fri 24-Feb-17 00:09:22

It would take you less time to learn than it has taken you to write these posts.

AssassinatedBeauty Fri 24-Feb-17 00:10:40

I still don't understand why your DH has money but you don't? Don't you share money?

If your DH is really going to be so unpleasant as to stop you from having a little celebration of your DDs birthday, is there anyone who could lend you a small amount of money?

lilydaisyrose Fri 24-Feb-17 00:11:29

Yes just bake a cake! You clearly have the internet, just google a recipe and follow it!

LiveLifeWithPassion Fri 24-Feb-17 00:14:11

Just bake a cake or buy a simple one, stick a candle in it and you're done. Buy some balloons if you can afford it.

You shouldn't be getting upset Over this.

quicklydecides Fri 24-Feb-17 00:15:52


NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Fri 24-Feb-17 00:27:24

Your baby won't remember, I can assure you.

As an aside, I can assure you that if I can bake a cake, you can too.

sandgrown Fri 24-Feb-17 06:49:03

No grandparents or aunties/uncles who could make her a cake ?

Chrisinthemorning Fri 24-Feb-17 07:00:33

As she's only one, just do a mini cake? Buy a pretty cupcake or some mini rolls (M&S Colin the Caterpillar mini rolls are a couple of pounds for a whole packet) and put a candle in it.
Can you afford to spend around £3?

Sososososo Fri 24-Feb-17 07:03:13

You don't need to learn to bake. You just follow a recipe. Either way she won't remember.

PetalMettle Fri 24-Feb-17 07:04:52

My Ds'S 1st birthday party and cake was cancelled as a close relative died unexpectedly the night before. He didn't notice or care. At this age it's about you not them. Just take her to the park and get some nice pictures

Glastronaut Fri 24-Feb-17 07:08:20

SirNiallDementia Fri 24-Feb-17 07:09:06

You say you have 'borrowed ' money from DH - as a family you should have shared finances and be able to take £2 from the FAMILY pot to buy a small sponge cake.

smilingsarahb Fri 24-Feb-17 07:09:43

I get this post isn't really about cake. They sell cake for £1 which you can stick a candle in. Most of the big party cakes taste horrid. Those £1 actually taste nicer and you can decorate with jelly tots or a fairy toy. It's really about having a difficult husband who doesn't seem very fair with his finances. Enjoy the birthday and then sit down with your partner to make a more equitable financial and childcare arrangements.

Glastronaut Fri 24-Feb-17 07:12:15

Your child really won't remember. And don't get me started on 'cake smash photo shoots'. Could you ask a relative/ grandparent to make a cake? I asked my cousin to make one instead of a present. There are a lot of other things to feel guilty about as a mum don't add this to the list x

bloodymaria Fri 24-Feb-17 07:12:58

Are you meaning a big fancy, custom cake? Because that is a waste of money however much you have to spare! Get down to tesco, buy a sponge cake and some icing sugar. Or ask your DH to?

Respectfully though, you sound overly anxious about this, it's really not worth stressing over. Big picture is you're putting a lot of energy into becoming a success with your own business which will benefit your daughter much more than a birthday cake will.

LiveLifeWithPassion Fri 24-Feb-17 08:26:55

Can your husband afford a cake?

Bigmomma28 Fri 24-Feb-17 09:11:27

Thanks everyone I feel a lot better now. I think I'll steal an idea from a previous will really enjoy making a mess with chocolate more than a fancy cake and party smile.
I need to become a more laid back mom so I don't drive myself nuts

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