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What is wrong with me?

(10 Posts)
Cranb0rne Tue 21-Feb-17 08:54:17

I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old and work 4 days/week but am feeling more and more like I want to go up to full time. I just don't enjoy being at home with them. The 1 year old wakes up mega early then just moans all day because I can't get him to nap. I have just wasted 2 hours trying to get him to sleep and he just won't go. He is currently whining and moaning with exhaustion. The 3 year old won't cooperate with anything and I can feel myself losing the rag with him already. He won't come out for a walk so the youngest can nap in his pushchair. He says he doesn't want to do anything. I pack up the car to go out and he refuses to leave the house or let me buckle him into his seat.This just goes on all day and my day off with them is nothing but tedium and bad mood. I just don't think they get anything out of their day with me so what's the point? I feel like a completely shit mum, it's soul destroying.

PleaseGetOffTheTableDarling Tue 21-Feb-17 08:58:17

Nothing is wrong with you and you're not a shit mum.

Everyone finds a different balance, and it's ok not to enjoy being at home on your own with small children - it can be isolating, hard work and just bloody tedious sometimes!
Do you have anyone in real life you could talk to/get support from?

FrutiFlutey Tue 21-Feb-17 09:03:25

You're not a bad mum! Kids are hard work sometimes and you sound like you have your hands full with them both! Try and take it easy on yourself

PleaseGetOffTheTableDarling Tue 21-Feb-17 09:10:06

Also, I don't know if it would help to know that my DC are just a little older than yours with the same age gap, and I found the 1&3 year old period particularly tough...there seemed to be so few things that they could enjoy together if that makes sense?

It has got better, so there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Remember that your needs are valid too, and you're allowed to factor in your own happiness (and sanity!) when you decide what to do.

Meanwhile, have cake on me

FacelikeaBagofHammers Tue 21-Feb-17 09:10:08

I work a 4 day week and also find my day off hard! I've a 4 and 2 year old ... I find that they're both really tired by Friday as they'll have been in creche/monti for the other days of the week so they're just wrecked by then.

I think you just need to grit your teeth and bare it for now, life will be a lot different a year from now (even 3/4 months makes a huge difference to your 1 year olds) - I find only now that my little fella has hit 2 that I'm actually enjoying my days off with them.

Do whatever you can that makes life easier for you all - do you have a back garden you can send the 3 year old out with a load of pebbles and/or sand? Some easy baking (though that sounds like hell to me), indoor water play, pots and pans ..? Actually come Friday around 4pm when my patience is waning and the kids are whinging, I throw them both in the bath for as long as they want! They enjoy playing, and I can sit on the floor with my phone and ignore them smile

Velvian Tue 21-Feb-17 09:11:45

I feel your pain; i work 3 days & just have my youngest (age 3) at home now. My 3 yr old ds is like yours on a Friday; he's been busy & out of the house all week and he wants a cuddly quiet day with me. I've given in & actually it works for me. I get an asda delivery. It's also been much better since my dsis had a baby recently; she pops over for lunch sometimes & i dont feel so lonely.
I want to work full time too, but i'm putting it off for the moment.

Velvian Tue 21-Feb-17 09:13:34

Oh dear, i'm not advertising; i should have said grocery delivery. Agree that 1 & 3 combo is particularly soul destroying.

hopsalong Tue 21-Feb-17 09:22:40

I think four days a week is the worst of all worlds! I used to do it, and one of the women at my son's nursery does it. She and I were commiserating the other day about how much pressure there is to be a fun/ perky SAHM on that single day, but in fact you're usually knackered from a week of work. If it's Friday that you have at home, then you're 'missing' what is a pretty easy, winding-down day in a lot of work environments. And I always felt I had to get everything ready for the weekend -- food shopping, cleaning etc. At the same time, four days a week at work is close enough to being FT that everyone at work seems conveniently to forget that you are in fact not FT! When I very briefly worked three days a week it was a whole different ball-game.

If I were you I would try working five days, and reassess (if you can) in six months or so. What childcare do you have on the other days?

Cranb0rne Tue 21-Feb-17 10:30:41

Thanks for the replies. My dh says I expect too much of my day off and maybe he's right. I think the boys are probably more tired and grumpy due to being at nursery. I have my mum for support but I can't expect her on my day off as she already looks after them 2 days/week (one boy on each day so she doesn't have to cope with both together). They don't really play together at all, they fight a lot and argue over who has my attention. Please tell me they'll start playing together eventually!

Cranb0rne Tue 21-Feb-17 10:52:41

Hopsalong, they are at nursery 3 days/week, my mum kindly does the other day. I have mid week as my day off, I find Friday easier as a work day as the traffic is quieter, the office is less hectic so I get way more work done.

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