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18 month old still having 2/3 feeds a night

(6 Posts)
Tiredmumneedshelp Mon 20-Feb-17 22:11:26

Dd goes to bed around 8pm, and will wake at about 10 and have a breastfeed with me. Then between 10 and 5, she'll usually have 2 bottles of milk with dh, and then after 5am if she wants a feed she'll only want breastfeeding.

My hv has said today she doesn't need the milk, and we need to cut it out asap. So how do I do this? I really do not want to do cc/cio - so should dh start offering water in the bottles instead? Or water down the milk until she doesn't notice? I realise she's using having milk as her crutch to get to sleep so it has to stop as she can't fall asleep on her own, she's always fed to sleep.

My concern is that the walls are very very thin so neighbours can hear her crying at night, so if dh offers water and she starts screaming until she gets to bf with me, then the noise will cause huge problems with the neighbours.

I'd really appreciate any advise as I feel like a huge failure over this and I'm very embarrassed she's still waking so frequently.

Coconut0il Mon 20-Feb-17 23:20:42

Personally I would ignore that advice. DS2 is 18 months and often wakes for a bf or two during the night, only about 5 minutes, it's quick, easy and he's straight back to sleep. I know he doesn't need it, I know it's a comfort thing but I'm happy to carry on while he needs it. If a HV asked me I would smile and say yes he sleeps through because I have no concerns and that's what they want to hear.
Do not be embarrassed. They are all different, if you're happy and your DD is happy carry on. It won't be forever.

teaandbiscuitsforme Tue 21-Feb-17 06:26:51

Please don't be embarrassed! It angers me so much that mum's are made to feel like they're doing something wrong by meeting their child's needs in the way that we have evolved to do that! So please don't feel like you have to listen to the HV about dropping BF. Milk in a bottle overnight isn't good for her teeth though so maybe work on that bit first?

Where does your DD sleep? Personally I'd carry on with the BF (for now and only if you want to) and then if she wakes between 10 and 5 your DH goes in but no milk. We moved DD to a bed at this age so DH would offer her water and then lie with her to get her back to sleep whilst we were night weaning. There were very few tears! Then when she was asleep, he'd leave her to it.

We then moved on to me BF to sleep and DH dealing with any wake after that. She soon started to sleep through. Then DS arrived and my DH has been putting her to bed as well so no BF to sleep.

If she's in a cot, could she move her to a mattress to the floor so your DH could lie with her? Or into a bed if you're ready for that?

I was really worried about night weaning DD but it really was fine. Very few tears and I'm so glad we waited until she was developmentally ready to wean and to sleep through. But don't feel like you 'should' do anything if you, DD and DH are happy with things. Just consider her teeth and bottles.

splendide Tue 21-Feb-17 06:32:24

Have you tried offering water instead? I did, at about a year thinking I'd just try and if he was very upset he could have milk. He really wasn't that fussed! I stayed with him and cuddled him never left him unhappy, just gave him a sippy cup instead of a boob! If anything I was a bit insulted by how unbothered he was.

Tiredmumneedshelp Tue 21-Feb-17 08:48:40

Sorry, I think I've worded my op wrong blush I absolutely don't want to stop bf until dd is ready, so I'm fine with her using me to fall asleep in the evenings etc.

The problem is that I'm exhausted at night (due to a medical condition), which is why dh has always done the night feeds. It's those feeds I realise we have to do something about because of the bottles/teeth situation.

If he comforts her back to sleep, she wakes up the second he stops as she wants milk. If he offers milk in a beaker or water in a bottle she screams and screams until she nearly sick as she then wants me to bf her. I know some people at that point would then let her cio/cc, but we don't feel happy with that as we doubt it'll work with her temperament, feel uneasy due to studies about it, and we have very thin walls and neighbours to consider.

So I just don't know what to do. This is why I wondered whether perhaps watering down the milk may help, as maybe she won't notice until it's eventually just water and she might be more accepting of it?

I just feel lost and at my wits end with her sleep. Everyone comments on how bad her sleep is and I'm so embarrassed about it. I'm even more embarrassed that she's still having bottles now I know how bad it is for her. No wonder people comment when they know she has bottles at night sad

Nan0second Tue 21-Feb-17 09:42:14

2 options.
1oz less in a bottle per night until she's weaned off them - one bottle at a time. (A good option for less tears!)
Or jay Gordon night weaning
drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html
It's really gentle and no cio / cc but quicker (usually 3 nights).

No more bottles in the night as no good for teeth. You can sort this in a fortnight - I promise! Plus how good will your partner feel to get some sleep too smile

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