Social service(3 Posts)
Hi everyone, I am new to this, so please excuse me. I need some support and advice.
My little boy is seven and in year 2. Recently I was asked to go into his school by the head teacher because she had a 'sensitive issue' to discuss with me.
When I got there, the head started talking about an issue that had been brought to her attention by a parent and it was considered a safeguarding issue. I then sat a listened to a story where my son was alleged to have forced another child to stick his (own not my son's) fingers up his bottom. The account the headteacher had been given was a very graphic description of basically a serious assault. She told me she had no choice than to call the social services. She told me the person who had said this, and it turned out to be a mother of my son's best friend, someone who I had a difficult relationship with already, but who had been a close friend. She works in a social services role herself, and when the children were in reception her little boy, not mine started to talk about men putting things in their bottom. She said it was the fault of my child, who I can say honestly has never said that, so I went to the school myself and spoke to the teacher. My sons and I had a long chat about privates are privates etc, and the teacher said talking about things that aren't necessarily age appropriate was common as some of the children had older siblings. This was in 2015.
For a while I didn't have much to do with this mother... I backed away let her get on with it. She soon found another family to complain to the school about and our children played at school no problem.
After a while the boys wanted a play date and she asked if my son could spend time with hers. He went to her house a couple of times and he has come to mine, but she didn't come with him and she never wanted me to come to hers particularly, which was fine as I felt I had to be careful what I told her, but they were mostly public playdates in play centres, other people's houses or cinema visits.
What has become very evident is that her little boy doesn't like to get into trouble and if he is being told off will often blame my son, but that is part of life and growing up, so I didn't read much into that either.
It seems all this happened because the little boy was in the bath with his mum and he started touching his bottom and she asked why and he told her my son had made him do it - but not recently... not seen by any teacher or member of staff. It happened a year ago when the kids were in year one.
The headteacher who spoke to me about, seemed to think it was a matter of fact, but the teacher who I had raised my complaint to before said she remembered me going and hadn't heard the boys saying anything of the sort and had told me at the time if she heard anything she would get in touch.
So, after hearing all this, I went through to my son's class to try and get out of the school as it was locked (my children were with their dad) and I had a panic attack and collapsed. My son's teacher was amazing and helped me along with the TAs in the class to calm down and talk about it and gave me lots of advice. (it was about 4pm, so all the kids had gone.) I had to wait an agonising 24 hours to speak to social services. In the meantime I had to ask my little boy very calmly if he could remember anything like that happening. He couldn't. He was so upset he went and asked one of his other friends if they remembered. And to top it off, the little boy who said it had happened a couple of days later said to my son he made it up.
I have to say, social services were amazing. I told them the whole story about the previous issue I had with this woman. My son also has a medical condition with his leg, which basically means he couldn't have in anyway physically stood without support to have done what was described. I said to them and I stand by this, if the school had said they had seen this happening at the school that day, then I would have been the first to say I needed help to help my son.
All that has happened is my son has lost his friend because of an adult issue and a problem this woman clearly has with me and social services have advised me not to let him around that family again. I can't even bring myself to imagine what that means! They have said they are happy with the way I dealt with the situation in reception and thank goodness I did say something about it all at the time - and they are taking no further action. My son has lost his best friend and I don't know what to do to support him... I was training to be a TA and my confidence is in my boots... i can't face being around the children or the school and I am worried that the other parents are going to find out I was reported and will thing there is no smoke without fire. I have no one to talk about this to. My parents live abroad, and I can't tell the other friends or parents. I feel very alone. I was volunteering at the school this happened in to complete my course, but don't feel like I can face going back... I just feel like our lives have been turned up side down on a false allegation and I have no idea how to move on from this and get over it. I have to see this woman at school when she picks her child up and she smiles and laughs as if nothing has happened. I am a single mum and I used to have a media career, but gave it up and now I temp to work around my children. I want to be a teacher, but can't afford it, so being a TA was the next best thing for me and now I can't face it and I am at rock bottom. I am really sorry this is so long. It has been an awful time. If you got to the end of this thank you for listening.
OP time will help this
My own mother was reported ( and consequently investigated ) by social services due to a malicious person.
Like you she was devastated, but we all recovered well. It honestly is just time.
Your reaction is completely understandable. But you need to look at the positives. Social services are taking no further action. The teachers in the school sound like they know your son didn't do anything, and only had to involve SS because they are bound to follow procedure.
The best thing you can do now is hold your head high, don't let this woman knock you off track with your course. She doesn't deserve that power over your life. People can see through people like her, so other parents will know what she is like.
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