14 Year Olds Smoking Weed

[persianpeach]

I feel so bad for my 14 year old son. I've been nagging him to go out every weekend as he seems to do nothing but stay in his room on the Xbox. He's a popular and sociable boy and I just couldn't understand it. After taking him to an appointment the other day we had a good long chat one to one which doesn't happen too often with four children and that's when he told me that all his friendship group are smoking cigarettes or weed and that's why he's stopped going out with them. He'll go if they are doing something other than smoking but not if they are (which seems more likely) he still gets on well with these kids and walks to school and back with them and hangs out with them at school (the group are both boys and girls) but has to ask if they are using something before socialising out of school.
I feel so bad for him. Not only has he been missing his friends but he's had me constantly nagging him to go out and giving him a hard time about not socialising.
I know he'd rather be out but he says that even the other friendship groups as he calls sporty or gamers are taking drugs too and there is literally only him that doesn't. He says that it makes him more determined not to take drugs so that he can prove he doesn't need them to be popular (which is more than I can say for some of the others) and I'm very proud of him for not giving in and following the crowd by going against what he believes is wrong.
But..... he's now a recluse! How is this fair, I don't know what to say other than to praise him for being so strong willed but that doesn't give him his friends and a social life back.
I'm so sorry that the norm is to take drugs at 14 years of age. I wonder what the world is coming too. Has anyone else experienced this?

[Caprianna]

Yes my 15 year old also does not go out for this reason. He has arranged a few meet ups after school but then ends up coming home because his friends are meeting up with their dealers. He prefers to spend his time gaming, but he is online with friends from school and spending time with us. I also used to nag him but I am delighted he doesn't go out and do drugs now. He has friends at school and I think he is happy and I let him be who he is now.

[Serialprocrastinator2]

My 15 year old is exactly the same, he has distanced himself from most of his friends out of school, occasional goes out to do sporting activities, I too used to nag him, but am now relived he has good sense to stay away. He games so is constantly chatting to ( real life) friends but from the safely of Home. I'm proud he has his own mind though.

[persianpeach]

Thanks for your replies.
I'm just so stunned that this is the norm and our boys are the minority!!
It's so depressing I wonder where it will all end? I fear what on earth it will be like in the years to come when my youngest becomes a teenager! I can't imagine it could get much worse but who knows.
I suppose on the plus side we do have strong willed young adults that should do well in the big wide world, for that I'm very grateful.

[ActuallyThatsSUPREMECommander]

Any chance you could get him involved with specific social groups outside of school? Football or martial arts or youth theatre or gardening or horse riding or even Warhammer?

[ActuallyThatsSUPREMECommander]

Any chance you could get him involved with specific social groups outside of school? Football or martial arts or youth theatre or gardening or horse riding or even Warhammer?

[Serialprocrastinator2]

I'm lucky my son is my youngest my daughters are older, all my children are very strong willed, the oldest we had problems with but the youngest two know their own mind, I have no doubt my son will be a lovely adult, the world is changing so much, my Philosophy is if they are happy, go with it, I know it's a worry but socialising goes on so much more online now both with 'real' friends and online ones too