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Helping a 1 year old get used to being a big brother

(14 Posts)
sphinxster Fri 17-Feb-17 20:40:51

We have a wonderful, funny, happy, 1 year old who has just become a big brother. He's adapting quite well to the new addition but we've had a few tantrums and tears and he seems to be feeling a few insecurities.

We've been giving lots of cuddles, keeping routines and activities the same, encouraging him to interact with the baby, etc...

Any words of wisdom?

ThatsNotEvenAWord Fri 17-Feb-17 21:05:26

It will take time. Keep doing what you're doing and if possible both spend some 1:1 time with him. I try and make things as fair as possible with my two (4mo and 2.5yo) so I try and sort out the oldest one first as well as making him wait. And if the baby accidentally swipes him I'll make a point of saying 'oh it's not nice to do that to your brother'. And just praise praise praise for my big boy.

sphinxster Fri 17-Feb-17 21:30:34

Thank you.

Has it got easier or worse over the last four months?

Nottalotta Fri 17-Feb-17 21:37:56

No advice but following as I have 18month old Ds1, and 6 day old ds2. Husband is doing much more with ds1, which he never has done really. But makes me sad as even at this early stage ds is needing me less (yes I know this is silly.......)

Try as I might I'm finding it hard to not have the baby on me all the time, so whenever I get company I pass him onto them and have a play/cuddle with ds1.

AbbeyRoadCrossing Fri 17-Feb-17 21:45:28

I have a 14 month age gap and those early times were really tough. But now they are 1.5 and 2.5 it's so lovely most of the time.

To help adjust I'd love bomb him. Feeding DD was a particular bad time for DS and he'd bite me so I'd read favorite stories and he near him on the floor rather than moving away to a feeding chair.

Praise the crap out of any good behaviour even if it's chucking a muslin in the baby's general direction.

I tended to stay away from big brother talk. A lot of older relatives would say things like 'you're the big brother you should do X' but really he was and still is a baby. So try not to expect too much at this age.

Hang in there it gets much better!

yikesanotherbooboo Fri 17-Feb-17 22:01:09

Tough at first... but they'll be great companions. We had 18 months and I spent hours and hours in the park and went to all manner of toddler groups to distract DD in those first few months. From six months all a lot easier

llangennith Fri 17-Feb-17 22:04:59

13 months between DS and DD and I really felt sorry for my son. The expression in his eyes when he saw me bf baby girl was so sad. But within a few weeks he'd accepted it. He may not have loved the situation but he was too young to be traumatised by it and 40 years on they're fine.

2014newme Fri 17-Feb-17 22:12:09

He's just a baby himself, all he knows is mummy and daddy have a new baby. He has no concept of being a brother. Bound to be very difficult for him for a while.

Nottalotta Sat 18-Feb-17 02:26:02

Just had my first 'onw waking the other' experience. Ugh.

sphinxster Sat 18-Feb-17 09:12:57

Thank you.

We are cuddling and kissing him as much as we can. I just don't want to give too much attention to the tantrums. I've been ignoring the tantrums then cuddling him the second he calms down. I don't know if that's the best thing.

Nottalotta Sat 18-Feb-17 19:31:55

How are you managing day to day @sphinxster? Ds2 is a week.old, husband back at work. I've had mum.or Mil help each day, and a bit apprehensive about a full day alone with them?!
Ds1 is active.......

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Sat 18-Feb-17 19:38:58

We called DD2 "your baby" whenever talking about her to DD1. We also put chocolates in her blankets for DD1 to find when she first held her. The power of positive association and all that.

Nottalotta Sat 18-Feb-17 20:41:24

Oh yes I've been doing 'your baby'. Ds1 is being silo goid, he cones and give ds2 little strokes, and points our his ears, eyes etc.

I saw a good idea, to tell the baby they have to wait a minute while you do something with Dc1, it's very easy to be constantly asking Dc1 to wait a minute.

EveningShadows Sat 18-Feb-17 20:47:52

I have 16 months between my two and although we went through some adjusting the sibling rivalry didn't last long and now at 8 & 9 they are simply the best of friends.

Hang in there smile

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