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I dont think Happy Mum = Happy Baby

(39 Posts)
VeniVidiVickiQV Wed 28-Feb-07 14:02:06

Rather, Happy Babby = Happy Mum.

What do you think?

Whoooosh Wed 28-Feb-07 14:02:59

Yeah tend to agree but think it may be a bit chicken and egg...

JodieG1 Wed 28-Feb-07 14:04:15

Yes agree, happy baby first and foremost.

NotanOtter Wed 28-Feb-07 14:04:31

i dont agree vq

i think happymum = happy bab

nailpolish Wed 28-Feb-07 14:05:36

its equal

happy baby = happy mum

happy mum = happy baby

all of the above = happy dad

BoolieTC Wed 28-Feb-07 14:08:09

Happymum happy baby deffo.
My Mum suffered a lot of trauma during her pregnancy with me, basically violence and divorce plus yukky 60's/70's meds and I came out a screaming terrified mess.
I didn't improve until my mum did a few years later.

expatinscotland Wed 28-Feb-07 14:09:42

Some people are just happier than others.

And babies are people, after all.

I had severe PND after having DD1.

But she was and is still one of the happiest, most contented souls I've ever met.

I wouldn't trade that quality of hers for ANYTHING, because it's really the most blessed of all.

IamPotty Wed 28-Feb-07 14:09:49

I was an unhappy mum with a very happy baby...

Agree happy mum and happy baby = happy father!

LucyJu Wed 28-Feb-07 14:12:53

I don't think that a baby could care less whether or not his/her mum is happy, as long as it is being well cared for and having his/her needs met.

nailpolish Wed 28-Feb-07 14:14:18

lucy, maybe the baby doesnt 'care' but it is certainly affected by its mother emotions in some way

nailpolish Wed 28-Feb-07 14:15:22

even so far as to say stress and tension can affect a mothers milk, etc etc

BoolieTC Wed 28-Feb-07 14:15:50

I firmly believe babies are emotional sponges.

Gobbledigook Wed 28-Feb-07 14:16:20

Hmm, no I think a happy mummy does = a happy baby.

harpsichordcarrier Wed 28-Feb-07 14:17:50

no I think it is an oversimplification and frankly I think it is scaremongering and v unhelpful for women with PND, many of whom have very happy babies ime.
I think a mother's emotional needs should come second to her baby.

LucyJu Wed 28-Feb-07 14:21:04

Well, if the mother is not happy to the point of not being receptive to her baby and not giving the baby what it needs (be that play, food, milk, cuddles, sleep, whatever) then this might well adversely affect the baby, I accept that.

But does a baby think "no, she must be getting bored of building towers by now, I think I'll let mum have a peaceful chat with a cup of tea"? No, of course not. A baby is only really concerned with his/her own wants and needs.

nailpolish Wed 28-Feb-07 14:22:20

lucy it s more simple than that

LucyJu Wed 28-Feb-07 14:32:34

Nailpolish, you'll have to explain what you're getting at.
I strongly dislike the over-used phrase "happy mummy = happy baby" because it is so often used as a justification for putting the mother's needs before her baby's. I believe that a baby can well be perfectly happy as long as its needs are appropriately met, regardless of whether or not the mother is happy. On the other hand, to use an extreme example, the mother could be having the time of her life, but if this means the baby is neglected, then it will not be a happy baby.

nailpolish Wed 28-Feb-07 14:37:29

to me its not that the mother comes first, i think if a mother is content a baby is content (i would rather use content than happy)

but also it works the other way round, if baby is content then mother is

neither si more important than the other

all i can speak from is my own experience

i do see your point also

cruisemum1 Wed 28-Feb-07 14:38:49

i defo the happy baby = happy mummy thing. if my ds is grouchy, unwell, irritable, demanding blah blah blah.... then I do not have any fun at all parenting him however happy i may have been on waking. if however i was desperately tired (as I am...), depressed (though not to the point of PND), angry at dh (as i frequently am!) and ds gave me a big gummy grin and a dribbly 'kiss', the lights in my world would glow brightly.

edam Wed 28-Feb-07 14:40:07

Agree with np, if a mother is content then the baby is much more likely to be content. And the other way round. Not 100 per cent though, obv. there are women with PND but happy babies and good mothers who just happen to have babies who don't like being babies and cheer up when they get to a stage they like (such as being able to sit up).

suejonez Wed 28-Feb-07 14:43:49

My DS definitely picks up on my moods and is happier when I am unstressed although I agree that conversely I pick up his too and will get more stressed if he is unhappy. Isn't that the way it should be when your lives are so entwined?

nailpolish Wed 28-Feb-07 14:45:59

god yes edam agree about babies seeming more happy when they can sit up
or crawl. sometimes the frustration on their face is so apparent when they jsut rock but dont move

geekgrrl Wed 28-Feb-07 14:50:12

actually, I really loathe this happy mum = happy baby idea. My first baby was a horrendous screamer and never happy until she could crawl (5 months, eager to get a move on). I started off motherhood quite happily but there's only so much colic day in, day out anyone can take before you stop feeling quite so happy...

happy mum = happy baby made me feel as though dd1's screechiness was my fault.

suejonez Wed 28-Feb-07 14:52:25

It's like when people admire you because your DS sleeps through the night 7-6.30 when in fact its pure luck and in reality you have absoutely no idea about this parenting lark. Happy to take the credit though.

TeeCee Wed 28-Feb-07 14:54:15

I think Happy Mum = happy child, not necessarily happy baby.

When I'm running round the house being mad and singing and dancing my kids follow my mood. If I'm tired and stressed they pick up on it and play me up and whine.

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