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Feel my son is being victimised at school

(14 Posts)
weluvu Wed 28-Feb-07 13:04:28

I have posted before about my son, he's 6 and is difficult, he's cheeky and quite often doesnt do as he's told etc...I fully admit this.
But I feel that now he has earnt a 'name' for himself at school he's become the class scapegoat. For instance last night he came out of school really quiet, I asked what was wrong and he showed me a big bruise on his leg, turns out another child had attacked him, kicked him in the leg and hit in the face. I went straight back into school and asked the teacher what had happened and she said "oh well I have to say... Daniel (my son) was winding him up an awful lot.." apparantly this kid has a problem with his temper so my son should know better than to wind him up which maybe so but really if it had been the other way around and my son had attacked someone all hell would break loose...

I also found out that during the last consultation evening another parent was told that he son would be ok at school if my son wasn't always getting him into trouble and that she would have a word with me about that, surely they shouldn't be discussing my son with other parents?

He never recieves good work tokens, even when he does a particular nice piece of work and he's never had an achivement assembly since he started year 1 last september, everyone else in the class has had at least one.

What do you think? Am I being over-protective?

Saturn74 Wed 28-Feb-07 13:07:43

You're not being over-protective. What you describe sounds completely unfair.
Your DS needs to be rewarded for his good work, and if he is physically hurt by another child your DS needs to see that the teachers respond fairly.
I think you need to speak to his class teacher asap.

skill Wed 28-Feb-07 13:08:13

Poor kid. I've no advice, but lots of sympathy, weluvu.

Has Daniel always been difficult, as you put it, or is it new since school? Is there anyhing that might be triggering this that you can change, maybe?

ipanemagirl Wed 28-Feb-07 13:11:19

I think you need a proper meeting with the class teacher to really clearly raise your concerns. If you can be really calm and unemotional and supportive of the teacher and acknowledge how hard it must be to manage a large class of 6 year olds that's great.
I've negotiated some difficulties that my ds (6) went through since last term but I kept the teacher with me all the way and eventually wrote to the head acknowledging that but saying I was still worried. The class teacher was also happy that I wrote too.
There will be a teacher in charge of PHSE who may be able to sit down with your son and work on any issues he may have.
The most important thing is to be assertive and positive and in an unjudgmental way say that you would appreciate any help they can give you to work this out. How you feel does not sound good - the more they know about your real fears - the easier it is to address them.
You are not being over-protective! It's a real concern for energetic boys that they don't get scapegoated.

Mumpbump Wed 28-Feb-07 13:11:30

I'd be saying something. It's not fair to give a child a label and ignore any positive behaviour if you ask me. To my mind, if you have a difficult child, it is more important to reward and reinforce good behaviour and effort. Do you have any examples of good work that he's done that you could take in to a meeting to ask why he didn't get any acknowledgment for his effort?

Twiglett Wed 28-Feb-07 13:12:15

well you might be being over-protective as a child who goads is IMHO as much as fault as the child who loses it and lashes out

BUT

I do think that school are handling your child incredibly badly and I for one would be asking for meetings with class teacher, then head of year then headteacher until they create an acceptable and positively reinforcing plan of action to help your child adapt to behaviours expected in school

I know of children who have

- special sticker charts for personal behaviour objectives
- special responsible jobs
- given the class teddy / animal to look after for the weekend
- given a plant to take care of


there are many POSITIVE reinforcements and if they do not have a plan of action that is reviewed and agreed with home then they are failing your child

Oh and talking about another child to another parent is totally out of order

dejags Wed 28-Feb-07 13:13:15

Poor you weluvu.

I was really upset about my son being excluded in the classroom a few weeks ago because he isn't a model pupil (well that's a very, very short synopsis of the situation).

In the end I had a frank discussion with his teacher and told her what I expected (I had been too afraid until that point as I didn't want to be labelled as interfering).

At the end of the day you know your child - you know what makes him tick. If you feel the teacher is not treating him as an equal or that he is being victimised, seek an urgent meeting with her (face to face). Tell her how you feel and make sure you agree how these sorts of situations will be handled in future.

HTH (I can totally identify with that helpless feeling that a small boy is being picked on and you aren't there to help or advise).

weluvu Wed 28-Feb-07 13:14:56

Thanks for the replies,

He's always been a bit of a handful, at home initially but once school started his behaviour worsened right from reception, I was called over a few times by the teacher saying he'd been messing around in the toilets, running off around the school with friends etc, he just finds everything hilarious, nothing bothers him.

As soon as he got in year one he got worse, constantly fighting with other boys, picking on the quieter ones, winding up the louder ones...he does have a bit of a following admittidly but I wouldn't say he "leads" them on or anything...they're all as bad.

I've been offered no help at all with his behaviour yet every little thing he does they complain to me about yet when he's having his clothes drawn on in biro and felt tip, being delibrately covered in paint by the others and persistantly having his hood ripped off his coat nothing is said, when it's the other way around they moan at me about it.

dejags Wed 28-Feb-07 13:16:45

Oh I should also add - since this discussion my DS's behaviour and attitude at school have changed dramatically.

Off to update the original thread.

ipanemagirl Wed 28-Feb-07 13:19:26

I agree with twiglett - they need to work out a plan of action that you are happy with - there needs to be a positive approach. I would try to get a meeting with teacher or head asap.

Muminfife Wed 28-Feb-07 13:27:30

Message withdrawn

exbury Wed 28-Feb-07 15:03:15

Definitely need a plan of action.

There are 1 or 2 children in DS's class that are - shall we say - challenging - DS's stories are always full of "X did this" and "Y did that" and no they don't get the perfect behaviour awards - but there is a non-specific headmistress' award which gets given out in assembly, and they can find a reason to give that to any child - if not for behaviour, then for a particularly nice piece of work, or whatever - and they do all get it sooner or later. The school need to find a way of motivating your DS to behave - clearly if he doesn't take anything in life seriously then that won't be easy, but it has to be done - as Muminfife said, for their own benefit as well as yours and your DS's

figleaf Wed 28-Feb-07 19:09:48

My oldest had a S**T Y1 teacher that was just like the one your little one has. Y1 is a funny year group for some primary school teachers. I think they start to have favourites and the newness of reception has worn off. I hated the entire year with that woman but decided that I had to go in and keep going in to "be on my sons side". We have recently moved to Scotland with DH job. This was excellent timing as my youngest was in Y1 and getting the same treatment from the bitter old witch. All I can say is dont looses your temper but be firm with her about fair treatment.

Tortington Wed 28-Feb-07 19:13:57

he's 6

and already pigeon holed.

you fight for your son. fight for him.

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