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Kids and gaming

(15 Posts)
Nicolahoment Fri 10-Feb-17 17:14:35

My 13 year old son and I moved in with my boyfriend nearly two years ago. My boyfriend is quite strict with my son and I feel torn. He thinks my son should be limited on his gaming and should go to scouts and get out the house,but my son HATES scouts and doesn't want to go,so my boyfriend said he is going to take his iPhone off him if he doesn't go to scouts. My sons distraught and makes me feel like shit that I'm not sticking up for him and my boyfriend makes me feel bad because I'm not backing him up. I feel trapped in the middle as I want my son to be happy. What do I do?

nicebiscuit25 Fri 10-Feb-17 17:16:06

Can you not compramise find something he is willing to do like foot ball a gaming course anything to get him out the house dosnt have to be scouts

Ilovecaindingle Fri 10-Feb-17 17:18:20

There is a lot of what your bf wants in your post. .
Red flag imo. .

dementedpixie Fri 10-Feb-17 17:18:50

Find a different thing for him to do, doesn't have to be scouts. It's not up to your boyfriend though, do you think he needs to do anything else?

Nicolahoment Fri 10-Feb-17 17:20:21

He can't stand football either. My boyfriend wants him away from computer for a couple of hours. Does anyone have experiences with having kids and introducing a new partner into the family? How do they get on? Does your boyfriend discipline your child. How does that make you feel?

dementedpixie Fri 10-Feb-17 17:22:52

How does it make you feel? Do you feel he is too harsh and overstepping the mark? Could you all do something together rather then telling him to get out?

Nicolahoment Fri 10-Feb-17 17:24:59

My boyfriend said he is willing to pay £60 a month for him to have an iPhone as long as he goes to some kind of club like scouts. My son agreed to start with. It is now bored of scouts. If he had his way he'd play PS4 all day long. I hate it when my partner gets cross with him for being lazy and only interested in gaming and I get upset when my son is sobbing from being told off by this man who is not his dad. When my son goes to his dad's every other weekend he stays at home alone while his dad goes off to the pub till midnight and we are just trying to get him to see that we care for him and want him to interact with other kids and life's not just about gaming. But I hate seeing my son upset 😭

smilingsarahb Fri 10-Feb-17 17:31:58

You don't have to do what your boyfriend thinks if you, as the actual parent, disagree. If you are happy for your son to not do other activities then you need to explain to your boyfriend that he is going to have to support you in raising you son how you want to raise him. You could go on a parenting course together as it sounds like you have different ideas on discipline and it might get you at least on the same page. It would get on my nerves someone using methods I didn't agree with like taking away an iPhone. However, personally I kinda think it is quite healthy to do things other than gaming all the time. You need to find something whether it's st John's ambulance, karate, guitar lessons etc that he wants to do, and manage getting him there your own way not your boyfriends way. My sister introduced a boyfriend and let him entirely take over discipline from that point on which actually worked ok for them as she agreed with him, but found it hard to carry through her ideas.

ImYourMama Fri 10-Feb-17 17:39:04

Sounds like your boyfriend is rightly trying to tackle your sons gadget/screen addiction by encouraging him out of the house. My concern is that you're not addressing this yourself

Ilovecaindingle Fri 10-Feb-17 17:39:32

I think you should be the main parent and your bf should be respected but not be throwing his weight about to your ds at all. My dh isn't my dc df but as time has gone on he makes decisions regarding their welfare. But the fact that you are on here makes me think he is making you uncomfortable with his involvement. .

Nicolahoment Fri 10-Feb-17 17:48:06

I know my boyfriend want only the best for my son. It was only me and my son from when he was 3-11 and I was pretty laid back and let him do what he wanted. He got badly into gaming and put on lots of weight. Since we moved in with my boyfriend he has lost three stones and is a happy now teenager with lots of friends at a top school. I don't know why I feel upset that my boyfriend is always the disciplinarian. Because he's done wonders for my child. I just hate my son throwing a tantrum and getting the jump with some of the rules. I feel like I'm letting him down because this man is telling him what to do.
I do feel a lot better for writing this.
By the way, my boyfriend doesn't have kids , so sometimes doesn't understand my loyalty to my boy even if I side with his bad ways

Cleebope Fri 10-Feb-17 17:55:06

I think it sounds like bf has your DS best interests at heart and is trying to be a strong male role model for him. If he hates scouts you should look around for something else his mates do. I would support bf in this. Gaming takes over their lives and he is still young enough for you to mould him and parent him quite strictly. It will be good for DS in the long term.

Thisrabbitthatrabbit Fri 10-Feb-17 18:23:56

Your son agreed to go to scouts in return for the iPhone. So he needs to keep his end of the bargain or lose the phone.

I think you should back your DP up and it will do your son a favour.

wannabestressfree Fri 10-Feb-17 18:25:41

It's hard when you have done it by yourself and then someone else is trying to discipline. Maybe suggest that if he wants to stop scouts he finds something else. Or you and him go swimming once a week? My youngest is a gamer and a bit overweight but we also do other things. It's our bonding time.

Nicolahoment Fri 10-Feb-17 18:57:06

Thank you for your responses. It's given me lots to think about and I'm feeling a lot better for getting it off my chest smile

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