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Swearing as discipline

(42 Posts)
Jademumof2beauties Thu 09-Feb-17 21:48:31

I'm new on here and I'm looking for opinions. We have two children DS 6 and DD2. My partner will call our DS a variety of abusive names when he is not behaving. These will include things like "you fucking idiot" "you tit" "are you thick" "dumbarse" and the list goes on! It's very upsetting for me and I think it's abusive I have tried to talk to my partner about this and have suggested different approaches to his discipline but he doesn't see the problem? Our DS doesn't get upset in terms of crying but you can see that it hurts him. He tends to go in on himself and squirm and whinge all the more. I wouldn't exactly say he is naughty but a typical six year old who pushes boundaries and wants things done for him. I'm not the perfect parent but I do the whole time out to reflect and then explain why I'm upset and why it was wrong then we move on or I take away his priveledges. My partner says that my way is "pathetic"

SnipSnipMrBurgess Thu 09-Feb-17 21:51:28

If this is real, your "partner" is a cunt and honestly you aren't much better for not doing everything to protect your son.

Jademumof2beauties Thu 09-Feb-17 21:54:13

I am doing all I can to try and help my partner realise what he does is wrong I don't want to split up my family. I have suggested counselling but he's not wanting that

ASilhouetteAndNothingMore Thu 09-Feb-17 21:57:07

If he's calling your 6 year old names like that, I dread to think how he speaks to you.
Would you let a stranger speak to your son like that?

TheOnlyColditz Thu 09-Feb-17 21:57:07

Of course he doesn't want that. The counselor would be a mandated reported and he would be reported to social services for emotional abuse of a child. Because it is.

WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman Thu 09-Feb-17 21:57:15

Your partner will be causing serious, serious harm to your son by doing this. I'm absolutely horrified reading your post sad

I left DD's father due to his behaviour including name calling. It was all directed at me rather than her but there was no way I was having her growing up listening to that. Best thing I ever did. Please please take action to protect your poor son.

MiMiMaguire Thu 09-Feb-17 21:58:28

If my husband called my child any manner of name other than one of affection I'd be kicking his sorry ass out the fucking door.
That poor poor child.

Gallavich Thu 09-Feb-17 21:58:32

You've accidentally procreated with a cunt. If you don't 'split up the family' then you will be complicit in the abuse of your children. Take action.

Jademumof2beauties Thu 09-Feb-17 22:03:35

Thank you all for your advice. I know that it's wrong of course it is I just wish I could make him see that it is. Of course I am going to do all I can to protect my boy and if that means leaving then that's what I will do.

Highlove Thu 09-Feb-17 22:03:55

If he won't stop, you actively should split your family up. Your partner is abusive.

You're doing your poor, poor little boy no favours by allowing this to continue. I'm not usually in the LTB camp, but you can't continue to condone this - and at the moment, you are condoning it.

MiMiMaguire Thu 09-Feb-17 22:07:53

He will never change, he isn't going to have. A lightbulb moment, this will erode your sons self worth, get him out now. It'll be your daughters turn soon. Choose them. How can you love a man who treats your children that way. I know it's not your fault but by not leaving you are facilitating this abuse.

Marilynsbigsister Thu 09-Feb-17 22:08:15

Sorry OP but sadly you seem to think this is a 'minor issue' that needs sorting. It's not . I don't know what words to use to explain how completely not ok this is.

I am as far from the 'ltb' brand of poster you will ever see on MN. I do not believe that a few rows mean you split up your family. I live firmly in the real world where we aren't all nice to each other the whole time nor do we live in some kind of perfect bubble - but this - this behaviour of your partner to your child is abusive. - Real, long term effect, fuck you up for life abusive. You have two choices. Protect your child and do what you need to do to remove your child from this situation or decide that you are complicit in the abuse and stay and bear the equal responsibility for this abuse by failing in your duty to protect him from it.

I hope for your child's sake, you do the right thing - and fast.

MrsPatrickDempsey Thu 09-Feb-17 22:08:32

God this is shocking and a matter for social care unless you start safeguarding your children. I read something that said that children become what their parents are; role modelling is very important and influential. How will he learn this isn't normal or acceptable? Is this the type of man you'd like your son to become?

WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman Thu 09-Feb-17 22:09:50

Jade, a man like that is never going to see the error of his ways. As far as he's concerned he can do and say what he likes. He will not listen to you and he certainly won't go to counselling. Ending your relationship with him (and doing everything you can to ensure supervised contact) is the only solution here. And I don't say that lightly; I'm really not one to encourage MNers to end their relationships but this is absolutely unacceptable.

mumof2beautifuls Thu 09-Feb-17 22:17:44

Please don't misunderstand me I know how much of a major issue this is. I don't have anyone else I wish to share this with except, well I guess you guys, strangers. O guess I was just looking for the clarification that I'm not over reacting to this

CauliflowerSqueeze Thu 09-Feb-17 22:21:39

He will 100% not stop.

Only if you are happy to watch your child be persistently verbally abused like this should you remain. And I think it takes a particularly cowardly piece of shit to stand by and watch that happen.

MamaHanji Thu 09-Feb-17 22:21:52

This is going to sound harsh but you need to protect your children from the emotional abuse your partner is dishing out. Call it what you's emotional abuse. He doesn't need to go to counselling or learn a new way of discipline. Because that isn't discipline, that is abuse. My partner was told similar things from a young age, and let me tell you, it is still with him today. So please, protect your bloody children, and don't make excuses for him.

MamaHanji Thu 09-Feb-17 22:31:51

After reading the other comments posted whilst I was typing mine, mine wasn't harsh at all. The overwhelming opinion is that it's abuse and you need to take your children away.

BastardGoDarkly Thu 09-Feb-17 22:36:18

You what?! He's an arsehole. So are you I'm afraid.

Your son, and daughter when she's old enough to understand the disgusting names, are going to be under child psychiatrists or social services.

Fgs, they've only got you, stand up for them.

Get him out.

NotInMyBackYard1 Thu 09-Feb-17 22:36:56

Do you think your DS now thinks those are also acceptable names to call his friends at school when he falls out with someone? So when he gets reprimanded for doing that, and tells school - that is what Dad calls me? They should call Social Services and report that.

MommaGee Thu 09-Feb-17 22:42:21


In fact, Run

mumof2beautifuls Thu 09-Feb-17 22:49:32

My DS would never repeat these words, he knows they are wrong. I've never had any behaviour issues with him at school or in fact at home, like I say he's just a typical six year old boy.

thethoughtfox Thu 09-Feb-17 22:50:14

That isn't discipline. It's abuse.

Pigeonpost Thu 09-Feb-17 22:52:32

Why have you name-changed?

ConfusedCod Thu 09-Feb-17 22:53:42

He's emotionally abusing your son (don't hide from it, that is exactly what that awful name calling is) and you want to go to fucking therapy?!

Your poor son.

I bet he goes quiet wondering why his mummy isn't protecting him like she's supposed to.

I've got a lovely family. If my partner so much as blew up at my child once like that he would be out IMMEDIATELY.

Do your job and protect your child.

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