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How can I make things better?

(11 Posts)
ashleighbean Thu 09-Feb-17 19:46:53

So this year time after time my dd has been left out of being invited to parties at school, she gets a little upset when she finds out about them as they do news time on Monday mornings and these children stand up and end up talking about their parties they have had at the weekend, there has been 10 parties we know of this year and she has been invited to 1, which she was ecstatic about spending ages picking her dress and shoes. My DD has her birthday party not too many weeks ago and she said she wanted everyone as she didn't like being left out (broke my heart a little when she said that because it made me realise she actually was upset about the other parties) so we did that and the majority came. There is 1 particular child she is close to (it always says in her homebook she has been playing with said child) tonight picked her up she looked sad waited till we got to the car which she then started crying saying this said child had been up to her today and said "Im not inviting you to my party but I got to come to yours but your not coming to mine" I am pregnant at the moment so my hormones are already on edge I felt like crying with her I explained that not everyone can go to all the parties and she said "but Mummy no one wants me at their parties I never get to go like everyone else and I really want to go to this party". What on earth can I say back as she is such a sensitive little bean as it is...surely this is denting her confidence even more now.

Ilovecaindingle Thu 09-Feb-17 19:49:34

I would be questioning if she was at the right school tbh. .

Gazelda Thu 09-Feb-17 19:51:20

I think the best you can do is tell her that you and she will do something special instead. Dress up and go out for breakfast, or take her to a theatre or something equally fancy and special.
And I'd consider speaking to the teacher and explaining the situation. I'm sure teacher doesn't want your DD upset, and maybe it's time a little chat was had in the classroom about not saying things that might make someone else feel sad.

LaPharisienne Thu 09-Feb-17 19:52:15

Have no advice, but how heartbreaking. Your poor little dd.


Quartz2208 Thu 09-Feb-17 19:55:52

How old is she, and are these class parties or small party groups

ashleighbean Thu 09-Feb-17 20:01:15

Thanks for all of your replies. She starts in reception in September this year and a few of these children are not staying at the school so wont have all of these children to contend with next year. Its just so difficult to explain to her as I try saying it costs a lot of money to have parties but don't think she quite understands the concept of that. I had told her prior to her party not to discuss it with anyone at school which she didn't as there are a few children who don't go to birthday parties due to religion which is perfectly fine we still invited them so they didn't get left out.

There is a party this Saturday so we are going to the cinema (not sure when the party mentioned today is...will have to try work it out so we can do something then too). Her best friend whos is the 1 party we have been to has been invited to all of them which is slightly awkward as I think her Mum assumes we were invited too when she talks about them.

Luckily the school doesn't allow invites to be handed out by parents, they are given to the teachers and they put them in their school bags/trays...but 3/4yr olds can't keep quiet when they get them.

ashleighbean Thu 09-Feb-17 20:03:58

She turned 4 last month. Some put their pictures up on the news wall in the cloakroom and looking at them there looks to be a good 20 of them at the parties, there is 27 in the class.

Sweets101 Thu 09-Feb-17 20:08:05

Do you have any idea at all why she's been excluded? I don't mean as in because she's mouthy but has a judgement been made about you/her?
Let's face it at that age it's the parents doing the inviting not the children.

lilyborderterrier Thu 09-Feb-17 20:10:49

That is so sad poor love, I'm trying not to blame the children as they're so young but that's cruel. My daughter turns 4 on Monday and at nursery she names a few particular friend who we have met for lovely play dates but if I was having a birthday party ( we're not as we are going in a family day out with grandparents and spending a week at centre parcs a few weeks later) I would ask the nursery for a list of all the children's names.

Bless her I hope she has a wonderful birthday xx

ashleighbean Thu 09-Feb-17 20:14:53

She is quite a quiet child but the staff says she happily plays with everyone and chats/laughs away especially this 1 child in question. I have chatted to most of the parents but as it is an extended hours school all the children get picked up any time between 3.30-6.30 so it is hit and miss if you see any parents at all. I always say hello to everyone who I pass etc.

I have just read in her homebook about 5 minutes ago from today saying "played with {mentioned child} today they loved painting a picture together and were giggling away". It wouldn't bother me as much if she didn't play with these kids so much

Quartz2208 Thu 09-Feb-17 20:32:32

It seems strange at that age that children would be deliberately leaving her out. Is there a class list you have been missed on or something? Children that age tend to have either whole class or girls only or boys only

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