Advice on how to meet other new mums?(12 Posts)
Hi, I was just wondering on how ladies can meet other new mums?
I have a 2 month old daughter and had a really tough pregnancy so I didn't get chances to mix in parenting classes and groups and now I feel like I'm very alone.
None of my close friends have children and all work full time and my partner works full time so the only interaction I have most of the week is with my baby!
It's starting to get me down, I was very outgoing and career focused before I got pregnant but suffered with hyperemesis badly so lost a lot of connection with the outside world!
I don't drive so classes and groups are limited, I think there may be one in a church near me. I'm very nervous about just going and everyone already being in their groups and looking a bit of a Billy no mates! I don't really know what to expect!
I would love my daughter to have friends growing up and to talk to other mums as I don't seam to have the same interests as my friends any more! They worry about what outfit to wear for drinks after work, where as I worry about things like this for example!
Am I over thinking?
People in real life don't tend to admit it, but having a baby can often be a very lonely time. I struggled to get out for the 1st 3 months as my c section wound didn't heal. I found friends at a local group - they were already friends from their antenatal class but that didn't matter. I did have to be brave and walk over/start chatting (which was hard for me as I'm quite shy!) but it was fine. Do you have a library? Ours offers a free music group, and also has a folder with details of other local groups and classes. Good luck
I found our local children's centre great , they offered baby massage classes and also HV drop in sessions which mums would sit around and chat at whilst waiting to get their babies weighed. You and other new mums both have a new baby in common so it's easy to start light chit chat such as how old is your baby, comment on their outfit, etc ask if they have been to any groups they would recommend.
NCT also run coffee mornings for mums and under 1s which you don't need to be a member to go along too, maybe worth checking if there is one in your area.
It's hard at first but remember a lot of mums will be feeling the same as you so will probably be as nervous as you about striking up that initial conversation! Good luck!
Nct coffee mornings are great. Everyone is there for the same reason- to meet other mums! So you don't need to worry about feeling left out, in my experience everyone is very welcoming. There are lots of other classes you can do with your baby- swimming, baby massage, baby sensory though you may find it hit and miss as to whether there's a lot of opportunity to make friends. I would advise to get out and do as much as you can and you will find nice people. It can be really isolating and you're not alone in finding it a bit lonely.
Thanks all for making me feel a bit better! I didn't think I'd find something like this as hard!
I've been trying to find groups to go to but it seams impossible to find a suitable one near by!
I don't have Facebook or twitter so it makes it a bit harder to find anything local!
I'll keep trying. Very anxious for my daughter to have kids that she could grow up with and for me to talk to other ladies with similar worries and concerns as I do!
Health visitor lectured me for about an hour on how worried she was that I wasn't taking part in any groups, and how I should be getting up, dressed and out of the house most days...made me feel 10x worse!
Thanks again for advice!
Georgie Please don't get down about HV. Babies are exhausting am sure you are doing much better than you think.
I'm planning on taking DS to groups soon. I'm a confident, chatty person - even I feel nervous! I've booked onto classes where we do something rather than just sitting around chatting as I can focus on the activity if people are cliquey.
If the other mums aren't friendly I'll just busy myself with baby and chat to him (he's quite happy to listen to me talking nonsense!)
Go to every meeting and class thing you can. I tried everything with my first two. Some were awful and I didn't go back, some were fine but no more and at some I made some lovely friends I still see now.
I agree with a PP - you very often hear about other groups by attending one group. Lots of these things are word of mouth and not on facebook/websites.
When your health visitor was lecturing you did they suggest any groups? I also had a note in my red book from the health visitor with the local bumps and babies group on it. Call your health visitor or children's centre and ask.
'Health visitor lectured me for about an hour on how worried she was that I wasn't taking part in any groups, and how I should be getting up, dressed and out of the house most days...made me feel 10x worse!'
Please ignore her, 2 months is still early. I wasn't ready until DS was 4 months (I also had the same worries as you but did find some lovely friends) and wouldn't have taken kindly to being told what I should be doing. How unhelpful, especially when you want to get yourself out and about. Could you pop DD in a sling and get on a bus to a group? I found slings a god send on getting out and about as I felt nervous about using pram on the bus, DS bloody hated the pram anyway! Once you find a group you like you will recognise other mums and can gradually get to know them
Great suggestions from other posters about local children's centre, library and asking your health visitor for details of groups. As for feeling like Billy no mates - I am pretty shy in social situations, but I found it really helpful to remember that:
1. Everyone else at those groups also wants to make friends. I think that these days it is pretty rare to find yourself having a baby at the same time that your pre-existing friends are having babies. So EVERYONE is Billy no mates - you don't have to be ashamed of the fact that you are looking for friends, because that is what everyone is doing.
2. Even if it seems as if people have their groups already... remember that they have probably only met these people since they had their babies - so if their babies are young, then they have known each other for six months tops. These are not lifelong bosom buddies (yet), so you wouldn't be intruding / hanging on.
Just think of a few key phrases to start conversations: what is your baby's name? How old is your little one? Is this your first? Which nappies / wipes etc have you found the best? That's a lovely name - how did you choose it? Etc etc.
Start by chatting about your babies and other conversations will develop. Then don't be scared of asking for their number, even if you have to find an excuse ("I'll look up that book when I get home and what's app you a link - what's your number?). Remember, they are also trying to make friends!
I was terrified of being lonely, but I have never had a single friendly overture rejected - I just had to push myself to start conversations.
Ask HV to suggest local groups
Look in library / on village green / on community noticeboard / in local shop window to find notices about groups or literally stroll down to your local church or village or community hall and knock on the door
Ask at local children's centre
I see people ask this on local facebook sites all the time and a whole list goes up within the hour. I know you said you arent on facebook, but what about asking a friend if they would ask for you? I'd do that, no problem for someone.
Then, once you go to your first, word of mouth leads you to others. They are all diffrent so try whatever you can reach.
Oh, and this is only if you want the company. The baby is FAR too young to make friends / get any benefit from it.
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