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Stuck between a rock and a hard place - mothers

(4 Posts)
hjames34 Sun 05-Feb-17 22:12:26

Back story:
I was working 46 hours before, but it wasn't shift patterns. It was the same week after week. Now I've changed to a 37.5 shift pattern which is giving me a lot more of a career path as I was to train to become a nurse. I also moved into my own home, not with the children's dad in October. I do understand it's a lot of change and a lot to take on. I am trying the best I can. My DS is nearly 7 and my DD will be 3 in April. Son attends school and I will either be dropping him off or picking him up.

Problem:
My mum is really putting her opinion in. It's not even a nice chat over a cup of tea type. It's boarder line abuse. It's relentless. Message after message. Saying my son is acting out due to how I'm making him feel with my work.Telling me how I'm ruining their lives by moving so many times (I have moved four times within my son's life and once in my daughter's) I left my partner due to years of one addiction or another. I will give him every type of credit as he did give it up, but the scars were just too deep. He really trying to make amends now. But still, she is having a go at me for leaving him even though the whole time we were together she didn't like him. Kept telling me to leave. How I am taking their mum away and how SAD it makes my son and how much he NEEDS his mum to be there for him. Just using a lot of emotive language. Which really gets to me. She is blaming me for how he is behaving, even though when I talk to school friends their 7 year olds are like mini teenagers and will flip. Yet I don't know if I can believe that or if what I've done really has screwed him up.

I just don't know what to do. I feel bad enough as it is going to work to focus on me. Every single time I try to stand up for myself she just kicks me right back down. Kept telling me how my sister's friend has done it (Also how my sister is doing it) and how I should do it that way. Or this way. Or wait until then. Or do this. Do that. I tried to be nice and listen but she didn't get the hint and then I am the one who is being rude when I have to tell her point blank that I do not want to do her way. I cannot afford to work part time either. It just feels like whatever I do, it has always been the wrong way to do it. But if I tell her we get into these absolutely huge fights and I do need her now and again for child care where there is a small gap just while I start work. But more than that she is my mum. She has helped out a lot in the past. I am trying to be mindful of how she has helped. The last thing I want her to feel is that I didn't appreciate what she did when I really did. She does always turn around and say how I focus on all the things she got wrong but not right. Which I really try not to do, nor do I make a point to of it. She didn't even talk to me when I told her I was pregnant until I was about 20 weeks. It very much feels like if I don't do what she tells me she gets so cross and angry at me. As if I have completely messed not only my life, but my children's too. However, if I did it her way than I wouldn't mess it up too much.

I don't know how to take an emotional step back. It's really effecting me and I have tried to tell her and she isn't listeing. If anyone has anything similar or can give me a new angle to try. I feel I've tried everything I just don't know how to disconnect or approach her. It's gotten to the point now where I don't feel I can focus on this new job nor do I want to stay in it. I was so proud of what I had managed to achieve and I really don't feel like it any more. Feel I've just ruined it all.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 06-Feb-17 07:44:13

Sorry I've no experience but I'd try support services at work or whatever yours is called.

hjames34 Mon 06-Feb-17 21:05:17

It's not really the job it's more how my mum is reacting to me having this job.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 06-Feb-17 21:13:08

Erm, I look up support services with your job...

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