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struggling to get it rright..being mum

(10 Posts)
jazz6 Sun 05-Feb-17 08:40:52

Having a bad few days.
I was really worried about little one yday as she's been very restless with constipation, but her voice sounded different to me and chest felt wheezy. Then she vomited, but couldn't get to docs as can't drive. Jag finished work early to take us, but turned out she was fine. He thinks I'm being overly cautious and paranoid and he had told me she was fine. I felt really stupid, but reassured doc had checked her out and she was ok.
Then we've spent weekend at his parents again and my folks visited which was lovely. There were other family here too and the whole day has been comprised o
being told what I'm doing wrong with feeding her - not enough milk, why not breast feeding, give her indian spice in her water even if midwife tells you not to. They've also been putting her down too soon after feeds. She needs to be upright at least 30 mins to digest milk properly as she spits out a lot. They know, but continue to do own thing and me reminding them is interfering. She almost choked at bedtime for that reason, but luckily I was there. By putting down they also forget to change her dirty nappy, even though they know it's done at each feed. She's been left in dirty nappy until I've asked. I'm not being awkward with them, but trying to keep her clean and healthy.
My Hb also feels I make him feel he's not doing good job, or right by her as I'm constantly watching and advising anyone that has her. I realise I might do this, but it's not deliberate. So I said I would stop and leave him or anyone to it which nearly killed me yday.
I tried to talk to him about everything I felt last night, but he was tired. I said I needed to share with someone otherwise I'd go crazy. It ended up with me being upset as usual and him angry at being paranoid, not understanding and making him feel stupid. I want the ground to suck me up and take me out! Xx

Heratnumber7 Sun 05-Feb-17 09:03:34

TBH you do sound a bit overly cautious to me too. You don't need to take a child to the GP just because she's been sick.

For the constipation, try giving her prune juice a couple of times a day.

And as for interfering family - that's what families do. Everyone knows how best to raise a baby.
Me - I'd be taking advantage of the opportunity for some rest, or time with DH and letting them carry on with DD. They are unlikely to do her any serious damage, even if they do things differently from you.

Elllicam Sun 05-Feb-17 10:16:18

How old is she? I would be taking a baby to the doctor for a wheeze too. Has she got reflux? You sound like you are doing a good job while being undermined.

jazz6 Thu 09-Feb-17 23:30:41

Thanks all. LO is only 6weeks and it's been tough as a first timer. I had a bad weekend, but trying to be positive. LO is still a bit off, but managing her symptoms. She's been.exercising her lungs due to constipation and given herself a sore throat. I'll learn to heed advice in time I'm sure, but do what I see as right in the end. Appreciate advice

Cranb0rne Fri 10-Feb-17 05:45:30

I feel your pain with family telling you what to do and the criticising. My dad's wife used to do it all the time when I had my first baby and it drove me mad.

Cranb0rne Fri 10-Feb-17 05:47:58

When I struggled to breastfeed my first son, she said 'well my daughter managed it. Why can't you?' I cried for 2 days and refused to go out.

OldBooks Fri 10-Feb-17 06:10:03

While you do sound a little PFB that is easy for me to say as someone with 2 children. If I think back to when my PFB was 6 weeks I was a total mess. So rest assured that you are doing a good job, your concern for your DD is natural and it is unhelpful of your family to confuse and undermine you.

Constipation is horrible. Have you looked up the different massages that can help? Also if she needs holding upright for 30 mins or she spits up enough to choke she might have reflux. Worth discussing with your gp or hv. Do you have a sling? DD1 had awful reflux and the only way we both got through the first 3 months was for her to sleep in the sling - she stayed upright and I had some freedom to move about. The special anti reflux formula was a godsend.

If your negative feelings don't improve please talk to hv or gp. Feeling hormonal and overwhelmed is totally normal but you need to be alert for it sliding into pnd.

As to your family, smile, say "thank you for your opinion I will think about it", then change subject and go on doing what you want

jazz6 Fri 10-Feb-17 13:35:25

I had unsupportive comments about breast feeding too. I put a lot of pressure on myself, but was constantly compared to everyone and his wife.
I've been doing the massages which does seem to relieve her and she loves it. I don't think she's in reflux territory, but I am definitely investing in a sling as right now I just can't do anything. LO is so restless and barely naps in day at the moment. I've had no time for breakfast today which I usually manage to time right. It's laughable really as I'm at inlaws with extra pairs of hands, but everyone out.

I'm very conscious of PND and seeing hv on Mon. My DH doesn't understand and just says you're not depressed without having researched what it is or listening to me when I want to talk about how I'm feeling. He doesn't agree with my attempt at routine. I get it might not work, but it helps me and I don't know why that's wrong. He turns it around on me and make it about what he thinks we should do..just sick of it. My focus has to remain on LO with his backing or not. I don't claim to know anything, but if my instinct tells me something is right or not, then I'll do it and share why with him.

arbrighton Fri 10-Feb-17 13:46:47

This is also your husband's child.

He needs to be involved too

jazz6 Fri 10-Feb-17 16:45:51

He is absolutely involved and I tell him why I think something is right. He disagrees, but doesn't mean I'm always wrong. This is a massive change for us both and like I say to him it can only work if we talk and share what we think is best

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