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feel like I'm doing it all wrong....being mum(7 Posts)
Having a bad few days.
I was really worried about little one yday as she's been very restless with constipation, but her voice sounded different to me and chest felt wheezy. Then she vomited, but couldn't get to docs as can't drive. Jag finished work early to take us, but turned out she was fine. He thinks I'm being overly cautious and paranoid and he had told me she was fine. I felt really stupid, but reassured doc had checked her out and she was ok.
Then we've spent weekend at his parents again and my folks visited which was lovely. There were other family here too and the whole day has been comprised o
being told what I'm doing wrong with feeding her - not enough milk, why not breast feeding, give her indian spice in her water even if midwife tells you not to. They've also been putting her down too soon after feeds. She needs to be upright at least 30 mins to digest milk properly as she spits out a lot. They know, but continue to do own thing and me reminding them is interfering. She almost choked at bedtime for that reason, but luckily I was there. By putting down they also forget to change her dirty nappy, even though they know it's done at each feed. She's been left in dirty nappy until I've asked. I'm not being awkward with them, but trying to keep her clean and healthy.
My Hb also feels I make him feel he's not doing good job, or right by her as I'm constantly watching and advising anyone that has her. I realise I might do this, but it's not deliberate. So I said I would stop and leave him or anyone to it which nearly killed me yday.
I tried to talk to him about everything I felt last night, but he was tired. I said I needed to share with someone otherwise I'd go crazy. It ended up with me being upset as usual and him angry at being paranoid, not understanding and making him feel stupid. I want the ground to suck me up and take me out! Xx
How old is your LO? It sounds like she's still quite little? Unfortunately unwanted advice happens to all of us, but their opinions don't make you a bad parent. It doesn't sound like you are a bad mum at all, in fact you seem very in tune with your baby and knowing what she needs. It's very difficult with interfering family members but they do not need to know their boundaries and your DH should be on your side. Just keep doing what you're doing, the early days are hard!
That should say they DO need to know their boundaries!
Trust your instincts. She is your baby.
If they give advice just smile and nod or say that advice changes every few years and things aren't the same as when they had children.
My in laws would try to do the same as yours but I breastfeed and I take him in the other room to change his nappy.
How old is your baby? I would not be leaving her with others/giving them the opportunity to do things like put her down to sleep.
As for unwanted advice just say thank you but the HV\GP\NHS says xyz.
As for taking her to the GP when worried but over reacting, does your GP's give the opportunity to speak to a nurse for advice or you can ring your HV. If she is very young I would not worry about taking her to the GP unnecessarily. Can you leave your car seat in the house and keep some cash at home so you can take her to GP by taxi if needed.
It sounds like you are doing a fabulous job and know your child well.
Thanks all. Little one is just over 6 weeks now and I feel more positive than I was a week ago. She is still so young, but full of surprises and curve balls. The interference will no doubt continue no matter I say or feel. It's been a tumultuous relationship with inlaws since we married a few years back, especially with MIL which prob didn't help. DH always trying to keep everyone happy, but sometimes puts my feelings to one side. I just need to be stronger and have more confidence in myself and keep LO at forefront no matter what and not doubt my ability. I've had all clear on 6 week check and seeing HV next week for well being assessment. I've written down all I've been feeling which has helped too and will do my best to be a good mum
You are doing fine Jazz and your relatives are being unreasonable. She's your baby, you take charge of her and they can interfere when she's older and doesn't need her mummy so much ! Hugs xxx
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