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Parenting

Baby wont settle for her daddy

18 replies

user1486250399 · 04/02/2017 23:30

Hi all, my baby is 6 months old and will only re-settle for me. Her dad can get her off to sleep fine, but when she wakes up she wont re-settle for anyone but me. If my husband tries to settle her she just gets more and more worked up until I come in; once she sees me she calms down and re-settles. He finds this really upsetting and we both want her to be able to settle for him as well as me.

I breastfeed (as well as feed with a bottle, sometimes with formula) but am about to stop and I feed to sleep often. My husband started doing her bedtime routine with her about 2 months ago, before that it was always me. I am on maternity leave and he works Mon-Fri and gets home in time for bedtime.

She is fine without me during the day, it is only at night when she wakes up that she needs me and only me.

Any advice on how we can resolve this and encourage her to settle for my husband as well as me? Apart from this they have a good bond and she clearly loves him.

OP posts:

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Heratnumber7 · 04/02/2017 23:41

Go away for the weekend, and let DH find his own way to settle the baby.

Sweets101 · 04/02/2017 23:43

You can try the above, but often they are fine when they know you are not there but will create merry hell if they know you are within the vicinity.
It's nothing personal to either of you, just babies.

ScarletSienna · 04/02/2017 23:45

It'll come with time-don't try and force it! It's natural that your baby is more comforted by the one they're with the most which can be exhausting. Your baby's needs come above your husband's feelings and it all sounds very normal.

RacoonBandit · 04/02/2017 23:47

I swear baby can small mum from 50 feet away

She does not need you for food so as hard as it is she needs to bond/trust dad too.
If you can control yourself dont given and go to her. If you cant maybe a night away and a fully prepped ( she may not settle all night) night alone with dad is in order?

ScarletSienna · 04/02/2017 23:54

She doesn't 'need' to bond and trust her dad yet and be taught to do so-it'll come naturally!

RacoonBandit · 05/02/2017 00:04

It wont come naturally until he spends time with her and settles her so she learns to trust him.

ScarletSienna · 05/02/2017 00:09

Agree but time with him will come with time rather than leaving her overnight to make her like him more.

RacoonBandit · 05/02/2017 00:11

How exactly if mum cant/wont leave him alone with her?

Sweets101 · 05/02/2017 02:19

Because that will also come naturally with time Racoon obviously

RacoonBandit · 05/02/2017 02:23

But if she never leaves them alone how will it come with time?
It's been 6 months he has been doing bed time routine for 2 months.....I mean will she be 16 before they bond

Sweets101 · 05/02/2017 02:27

From what she'said said they have bonded already. Baby might not be behaving how the adults would like right now but that doesn't mean they haven't bonded.
Just do it at the child's pace it'seemed usually a matter of months not 16 years!

Sweets101 · 05/02/2017 02:28

*sorry for typos my predictive text is an arse

ScarlettFreestone · 05/02/2017 02:30

It's nothing to do with bonding. It's just a phase. Tell him it's not personal and won't be for always.

evensmilingmakesmyfacehurt · 05/02/2017 04:30

DS won't settle for his dad if I'm in the house but when I've been out he settles good as gold.

Babies just know when mum is around

UnbelievablyChocolatey · 05/02/2017 04:46

I agree with Scarlett - DS was the same around that age but did snap out of it. However around 10 months it started again where he'd only let me resettle him. Hence the reason I'm sat up on MN at this ungodly hour think it's possibly to do with separation anxiety

Aquamarine1029 · 05/02/2017 05:11

Please tell your husband to relax. This is a VERY common stage and won't last. Don't worry about it.

ScarlettFreestone · 05/02/2017 05:45

I should add that neither of my DC were great at settling for their Dad when they were babies but they adore their Dad.

They are in primary school and have an absolutely brilliant relationship with him.

frazzlebedazzle · 05/02/2017 08:14

Please do not just disappear for the weekend as someone has advised!

Partly natural, but I suspect it may be because you feed to sleep often, as you said. Presume you will be stopping this, if ceasing breastfeeding, and I think it will come more naturally then. So first, gentle, option, wait, and see what happens if/when you stop feeding to sleep.

If you don't want to wait for that, then I would say dad just needs to work through her upset and cries with her and settle her, she will settle eventually. It's hard to hear the cries, but it's only understandable she will cry if she is used to going to back to sleep a certain way and then it changes. If he's with her comforting her then she will get there, they will bond further and she'll settle in the end.

It's just what you're comfortable with, though. Hard to hear them cry.

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