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Having sons

(24 Posts)
3sonyesiknow Sat 04-Feb-17 20:36:07

PPP. I have 2 sons age 6 and 3. I'm really struggling with them. I find it really hard to have common interests with them, they like Skylanders, Star Wars, football, fighting each other and generally leaping off things. I try to find these things interesting but struggle understand them. :-( Any help? I can see it only getting harder as they get older.

Tonight my 6 year old asked me why his bits gets hard and straight when he lays on the sofa. I didn't know what to say to his question.

I feel like im failing them. :-(

Brontebiscuits Sat 04-Feb-17 20:43:40

I know a bit what you mean. I have a 9 y o son. He's very sporty and I'm...not. He thinks the sun shines out of dh's arse crack and I feel a bit jealous of their easy sports based relationship while I'm left to wrestle with the emotions of our somewhat tortured 12 y o dd.

I basically don't have anything in common with ds!
But. I know he still loves me.

Anothermoomin Sat 04-Feb-17 20:51:51

You make them who they are. Own it. The barriers are in your head not theirs.

My DS 14 and 17, like computer games, politics, musical theatre, music, fart jokes and history.

They hate, football, strictly, and shopping

Some of it is my influence, some DPs, some friends. You are putting these differences in place. Just answer the point about his bits. Try not to let your hang ups influence him. Boys bits get hard cos they are practicing for when you get older.

They are funny, sweet, loving and kind,

Redzer Sat 04-Feb-17 21:22:55

I am not at all sporty or competitive. I have three competively sporty boys. I have struggled at times to be motivated for Sunday morning football. Not my idea of fun at all. Early on I read 'Raising Boys' by Steve Biddulph. It was recommended to me and was eye opening at the time. I still dip into it from time to time even though they are getting older. It helped me understand how boys tick.

Greenteandchives Sat 04-Feb-17 21:32:40

I raised two sporty boys, I made the effort to learn the rules to the games and sports they played and that helped me to enjoy them and shout appropriately on the touchlines. I went to every cricket, football and rugby game, and enjoyed the company of other parents and doing teas etc. I miss it now they are grown, but still enjoy the games on tv.

3sonyesiknow Sat 04-Feb-17 21:45:50

Thank you all for taking the time to commwn, it is really kind of you. When you say own it what do you mean? Show him things I enjoy and see if he is also keen?

missmapp Sat 04-Feb-17 21:48:13

I have just spent yet another afternoon with ds1 in games workshop while he paints / builds and plays warhammer. I have also spent several hours discussing and building Lego models with DS 2. Neither of these things interest me but they interest them so I am trying to learn rules / phrases and show interest.
On the other hand ds1 and I did the parkrun together this morning which was great and ds2 spent ages making sock puppets and then putting on a show which we loved watching
I suppose what I'm saying is there are some bits you love and some which bore you ridged but time with them is all they really want.

missyB1 Sat 04-Feb-17 21:51:55

Introduce them to things that could interest you and them. I encouraged my boys to play with lots of role play / imaginative toys, we go on days out that we all enjoy, go to the theatre together, listen to music together, read together etc...

3sonyesiknow Sat 04-Feb-17 21:52:08

Just ordered the book you recommended! Thank you,!

AmeliaJack Sat 04-Feb-17 21:59:21

I have a 9yo DS. He shares a sport and musical interest with DH, loves computer games and building Lego. None of these are my thing.

On the other hand he also loves my sport, classical music, reading, visiting museums and galleries which are my things.

I have as much in common (or not) with my DS as with my DD.

Find an interest to share with them. Find things to do as a family.

Notnownornever Sat 04-Feb-17 22:02:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

caffeinequick Sat 04-Feb-17 22:03:15

I also loved reading Raising Boys. In fact I might give it a reread! My eldest is only three but loves helping me cook and garden. I'm slightly dreading the sporting bit as I don't know any of the rules, will have to buy a dummies guide smile good luck x

Noteventhebestdrummer Sat 04-Feb-17 22:06:12

OMG the warhammer years were sooo tiresome. But I taught 5 sons to love singing and Dr Who so that helped.

Mrs5boys Sat 04-Feb-17 22:13:58

Having 5 boys oldest is 17 , youngest is 2 all I can say is sometimes you have to fake it 😂😂 Star Wars Lego sets 😭 Power rangers😭 Paw patrol😭 And the with older two it's all football and boxing !!!!! How many times I've had to look on jd sports website comparing football boots with the oldest ,,, hmmmm stitching is nicer on these ,but the others have green laces ,,,,, give me strength 😂😂 on a serious note though all my boys are so different and I can honestly see bits of me in all of them , wether its my 14 year old having a love of being out in the garden on a summers day,,my 9 year old queitly sat drawing,, or the fact my eldest has all the time in the world for the 2 year old ! I think as they get older you find more common ground ,,, after all they are people as much as they are boys (if you get what I mean😂)

Brontebiscuits Sat 04-Feb-17 22:20:33

Ah Notnow, you do speak sense.

smilingsarahb Sun 05-Feb-17 09:32:35

I read this last night and woke up thinking about it. Boys are lovely, funny and kind. You aren't going to share all their interests,especially rolling around fighting which my boys seem to default to if nothing else is happening. However, they do love cooking, making things out of boxes, music and dancing. They love dressing up, building tents and dens. I steered them towards Robin Hood, Peter pan, swallow and amazons as boyish things I could get on board with. They like doing my make up and hair too. There will be things you enjoy. Big hug to you though. I think winters hard with young boys as they are normally outdoorsy and get stuck in. If it helps I think you might find sterotypicslly girl stuff dull too. We are adults. I got trapped watching my little pony and playing unicorn hospital the other week. I would have LOVED this as a child. As an adult I wanted to run away. 😀 I hope you find some fun things to do together soon. Bake a cake and have a teddy bear tea party in the den you made this afternoon.

junebirthdaygirl Sun 05-Feb-17 09:41:07

Have two boys. Have watched more games in real life and on TV than l've had hot dinners.. But l love it because they love it. Do stuff your dh doesn't like. Here it was board games, watching quizzes, playing chess( agony!!). Take a huge interest in their friends. Have an open house as they get older. Provide crisps for the xbox nights. Sleeping bags for friends to stay. Chat to friends. Feed them all. Visit museums, castles etc. You will grow up with a fabulous relationship. Boys are brilliant even if it means actually watching boxing or here darts!

saladsmoothie Sun 05-Feb-17 09:42:33

Notnow's post is great.

Whathaveilost Sun 05-Feb-17 10:17:04

I am a mum if 2 boys. Thy are now 20 and 17 and we are very close. I have adored being a mum to them and agree with what others are saying about you make them what they are.

I didn't know the answers to everything ( I still don't)

I suddenly found lots of things interesting when I had kids. I used to set up science experiments for them ( buy a science experiment book for kids and make volcanoes!). I wasn't in to science at school! We used to go to hills on clear dark nights with telescopes. I have found out a lot about the night sky
I used to ( and still do) have weeks away with them exploring new places. I am passionate about travel and would take them abroad to places off the beaten track ( mainly in Europe). My boys both travel a lot now, sometimes with me and their dad, sometimes with mates, sometimes with their girlfriends. I love music, both new and classic bands and they have been exposed to that all their lives. We are all addicted to gigs and go several times a month ( not always as group we have different tastes!)

We always have and still do have a busy house with their friends. I had a lot of sleep overs and, sure, it was hard work but worth it in the long run . These kids are now men and friends with me on FB and chat regularly.

One thing that me and their dad did from an early age with them , maybe from the age of 6, was to encourage them to think for themselves about politics. Not as heavy as it sounds, just small stuff like 'what do you think about xxxxxx?' and encouraging debate that is age appropriate. I remember one of ours was about schools monitoring lunch boxes and DS put up a good point that I hadn't thought about saying lunch at school was only 5 meals a week and most people had 21 meals a week. He claimed that school didn't know what was had in the other meals. We had a family discussion around that. I think these things around the table or in the living room were healthy to keep the family communicating, respecting difference of opinion and allowing children to expand their thinking and you also get to know what makes them tick.

I'm not sporty but we would have days out in the Lake District. ( we live nearby). It makes me happy to see DS1 and his girlfriend and her child pack up a rucksack and have a day on the fells or go up the Howgills. DS2 has started to introduce fell walking to his townie girlfriend and she is really enjoying it.

When the boys were small they were into mine craft, Farm (vile?) and all the latest trends from school. I didn't get but rollled with it. It made them happy.

I would give exactly the same advice if it was girls.
I loved being a mum to small children ( I have to admit though the teenage years were / are great! I love them as well)

Whathaveilost Sun 05-Feb-17 10:18:28

Blimey, sorry about the essay. DS1 came in for a chat mid write up and I had realised how much I had written.
I should have edited!

SuperVeggie Sun 05-Feb-17 10:24:07

I'm sorry I have nothing particularly helpful to offer but I'm slightly giggling to myself that all PP have been able to help with the first part of your post but only one has managed to comment on the slightly awkward second part!

Good luck, hope you manage to find some solutions. I have a DNeph who is obsessed with minecraft/starwars/pokemon/computer games etc and TBH I would find it difficult as I have no interest whatsoever in any of these things and I find it quite draining to try and maintain an enthusiastic conversation about his interests. He's still lovely though :-)

PumpkinPie2016 Sun 05-Feb-17 10:44:54

I have a 3 year old son who is our only child. Not everything he likes would be my choice of interest I enjoy doing those things with him e.g. playing with his cars.

We also do lots of things we both enjoy e.g. simple baking/library/farm/long walk and feeding ducks. Sometimes we visit a cafe we enjoy.

I don't think it matters whether you have boys or girls you can find things you enjoy with them.

As for the second part of your post, as a science teacher, I would say just be factual - it is blood rushing to the penis and is perfectly normalgrin

Whathaveilost Sun 05-Feb-17 11:26:22

I'm sorry I have nothing particularly helpful to offer but I'm slightly giggling to myself that all PP have been able to help with the first part of your post but only one has managed to comment on the slightly awkward second part

Ha I forgot about that bit!

If it's any help I had some booklets called 'about boys' There was one called 'about girls' and it was for boys and girls pre puberty that was drawings and straightforward explanations.

DS when he was about 3 was sat in his PJs watching TVs and said ' look mum, I've made a stick'. He's 20 now and blushes when I tell him that tale!

RedSauce Mon 06-Feb-17 12:55:18

The second part is easy.

"It's just something that happens - sometimes for no reason"

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