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3 kids and marriage in dire straits

(7 Posts)
tsurani8 Fri 03-Feb-17 03:16:09

I have 3 kids under 7, 2 years approx apart for each. At this stage my marriage is on its last legs. I stay at home, however during the 7 years I stayed at home I studied for and achieved a degree and a masters to change my former career which was also a professional career. I had an ok job before I quit during the recession when I had my first child. My point being, I had a life before, but after 3 I feel I have no life or worth anymore. I can't even see who I once was or remember different times. My husband is a good person, he has been promoted several times over the past 7 years. He always does things when I ask and I feel a lesser person all the time because I am just at home minding the kids. But he never initiates a response to how things may be on top of me, he has to be asked, I feel he thinks because he is working, his pressure is worse than mine and I feel vice versa. I am very resentful and maybe he is sick of my moods. I am going to look for a full-time job in July (Creche schedule for youngest fits then). I have a body like a deflated balloon, a confidence shot to shit and to be honest I am not sure I love him anymore or where this is heading. I was thinking once I get a job, I can pay for a deposit on an apartment. My question is, has anyone been through a similar situation i.e., you still appreciate the person and you have kids with them but you want to go; is it better to stay fort he kids, it's not a terrible relationship, its just dying softly. Any advice on anything? anyone?

BusterGonad Fri 03-Feb-17 03:20:33

If I were you I'd get a job and see if that changes how you feel, you might find that you feel more like you again and these feelings disappear.

flymo79 Fri 03-Feb-17 03:26:13

Sounds like some counselling or talking therapy could work. You guys had a partnership once, and in order for that to work you need to communicate. It can't all be on you. Good luck with the job, I'm sure it will make a difference. Friends in similar situations tell me they have to work really hard to prioritise their marriage, as that's what's left after kids

Heirhelp Fri 03-Feb-17 08:42:38

I would go with what buster says. I think once you are working again then may feel different. Even if you don't then it will be easier to end the relationship when you are settled in the new job.

Strawberrybubblegum Sun 05-Feb-17 09:18:05

Sounds like the problem is more that you're unhappy with your life and yourself, and you're partly projecting that dissatisfaction on your partner and partly just not finding the mojo to enjoy and build on your relationship.

Of course no one should feel they have to stay in an unhappy marriage, but it is a big deal - for everyone in the family - to split up. I'd suggest that it's worth putting significant effort into trying to 'fix' what's wrong before you give up on it.

Definitely look at what you can do with your new job, and any other hobbies, to feel more like you. Also put the effort in to reconnect with your husband: presumably you used to be nuts for each other and have fun together, and you are both still fundamentally the same people.

Sometimes you need to fantasise about that greener grass. But then usually if you stop to look, you can see that your own garden is pretty awesome and just needs some work to make it just as lovely. grinflowers

Msqueen33 Sun 05-Feb-17 09:28:07

I'm in the same place. Sadly I can't work as two kids have Sen. Dh thinks he works overly hard and doesn't appreciate my position at home. I joked the other day at least he got an overnight stay on his own in a hotel with work and he rolled his eyes. Frankly I'd kill for a night on my own. I think you sound unhappy with your life. Being at home is boring and shouldering that responsibility isn't that much fun. Maybe look for a job and sit down and talk to your dh.

BusterGonad Sun 05-Feb-17 10:13:36

Well put Strawberry I like your way with words.

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