My DD has recently turned 1. She's mostly a total delight, but wilful, and she does drive me crazy at times. I have had to work hard not to lose my temper recently.
She's already demonstrating tantrum like behaviour if I don't let her do something she wants to do. If I have to take a object from her/change her nappy/get her dressed/put her in her buggy... she cries and arches her back, chucks her head back howling, throws herself on the floor. She doesn't want to be held or hugged. I'm working hard on using distractions, but don't really know what I'm doing.
Obviously not looking to break her spirit, but any recommendations or books on how to tolerate this behaviour would be really helpful. I want to do my best to get through the really hard bits and to help her deal with her frustration.
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How do I raise a toddler?
LauraPalmersBodybag · 01/02/2017 22:32
I feel when the child is one, the tantrums are mainly because they can't communicate as well as they want.
They want something to change, but they can't express to you what they want and it frustrates them.
The "real" tantrums are when they are a bit older, and you tell them they can't have or do something. Wait for these, oh they are fun 
All I can say is be patient, never raise your voice, offer a nice cuddle and calm down after x
It's hard!
It sounds like you've got the hang of things though. Patience is key! The way I keep my cool even now DD is almost 5 is by pretending that the only reason she's behaving the way she is is to get me to crack. I'm well aware that it's actually nothing to do with me and everything to do with how she's feeling, but it helps me keep a level head by pretending that if I crack and lose my shit then I've lost and she's won 
So I keep calm and composed and it means I feel like I'm winning even when she's not giving in 
DS (3) is currently going through a phase of making a perfectly reasonable request (the other day it coming with him to the toilet to switch the light for him) and then changing his mind. Then when you stop doing the thing he's requested because he's said he doesn't want it, he'll then change his mind again. Whatever you do you can't win and it will always end in a tantrum. So that's super fucking fun!
I am no expert. However I find these help:
Flexibility. Toddlers change all the time. They want to assert their independence and try out new skills. It can be gruelling but you've got to roll with it and keep adjusting your parenting and their environment. It's tempting to try and prevent them doing new things that make life bloody difficult but they need to try things to progress. My daughter, for instance, will only go down the stairs walking now (not on her belly, not on her bum). It is bloody annoying because there's a dangerous bit with no handholds but rather than try and prevent it (causing mega-tantrums) we're working on teaching her to hold hands on the dangerous bit.
Choices, as a pp mentioned: works a treat
YY to 'get them involved'
I find tantrums at nearly-2 easier than at 1. At 1, DD did not want to be held during a tantrum, she just went rigid and shrieked. At 2-ish DD is quite verbal and can be explained to. She responds well to hugs. If she's beyond it, I just lie her on the floor somewhere safe and wait til she stops yelling.
Top tip for toothbrushing: 2 toothbrushes. Have one for yourself, let them hold one. Sing toothbrushing song, refer to it as a 'game'.
LOADS of praise for good stuff.
Bribery in moderation is fine. DD hates the pushchair. I use it as little as possible but have to use it for nursery pickup. I tell her she can have a biscuit if she gets in. She gets in. No-one screams in the way home. Result.
Of course sometimes they want two completely impossible things at once, in which case you're done for. Just ride it out
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