Advice needed urgently!!! Baby dislikes her dad...(8 Posts)
My 5 1/2 month old daughter dislikes her dad. From the age of about 3 months she has developed a dislike for him and we can't understand why, needless to say he is feeling very rejected and unloved. If he holds her she cries, if i'm holding her and he comes near she cries, he tries playing with her toys, holding her from behind so she can't see that its him, sitting beside her. The only time she doesn't cry is if he's feeding her, we don't know what else we can do??? She doesn't even behave like this toward strangers.
It does seem strange but not unheard of. Can you think of anything he may of done in the past that would of made her wary of him? It could be something so simple like nearly dropping her.
Have you tried going out for the day ( or half a day and leaving them to it)..actually it might be better if he takes her out somewhere...my two eldest dd's were like this from birth with their father ( who rapidly gave up with them which made it worse...). I don't have alot of advice really other than him persevering and you not giving in and taking her back all the time, cos this makes her think she is being rescued!!
Not sure I have too much advice to offer, but have been there. In our case, ds went through a period of hugely preferring dh to me. It was devastating.
If you can identify anything which might cause this like tone of voice etc, then do try and change it. Otherwise, the only thing I can say to your dp is to keep on acting like a loving daddy to her and she will grow out of it. It took almost 18 months with ds so don't give up.
I did spend time on my own with ds doing the things he loved best and that helped. What made things worse was when we tried to force him into liking me and I lost my temper (its hard sometimes not to when you feel so rejected) - this just upset him and achieved nothing for me.
Both of mine were like this ds still is to a point. Is your dp nervous of babies at all?
It is not uncommon and so many babies I know go through this you are all your baby has known for 9 months your smell everything and now she is in a big scary world and at 3 months old got a bit more awareness than she had before.
I think some of my dp's problem is down to his expectations now. DS has always settled with my mum because she is very relaxed and it has never occured to her until I commented that ds would not settle with her. DP now does expect ds to cry with him so is tense right from the outset.
I do not think going out and leaving them is a good idea, him taking her for walks and stuff would be good if she is in the pram there is a bit of distane between them but he has to do anything she needs, going out and leaveing them could result in a VERY upset baby and very frazzled and upset dad and that will not do anyone any good.
What we did was just let me deal with most of the babeis needs day to day, do would take them out for walk in the evening at at weekends to give me a break and gradually things did get better. DP and DD have a fantastic relationship now and ds (10 months) has started to come round and when I get a lie in will happily let dp give him breakfast and play until I get up etc.
It is hurtful but it is not personal, your dd doesn not yet know what a dad is yet but she does know you inside and out literally and thinks that you are the only thing she needs and as she gets older and becomes a bit more aware of the world she will love her daddy I can gurantee it.
Does he wear any kind of strong aftershave or anything else strong-smelling? It could be that - or as others have said just keep trying. If she's OK with him feeding her, I'd set up a daily routine where he feeds her and then gives her a little cuddle and reads her a book or similar, but take her back as soon as she gets upset. With a daily pattern she may find it easier to get used to him and enjoy a regular "daddy time". DS (now nearly 2) has not always wanted to be with his dad but now they play together before bed every night and DP always reads his book - and this routine always cheers DS up even if he's been difficult with me.
Actually just had another thought to add, ds was marginally better at weekends ant if dp was off work, I often wondered if he smelt unfamiliar with the smells of work and stuff because ds would go nowhere near him at all in the eveing but if he came in and had a shower he would go to him for a wee while.
Thanks, i'll try it all and hopefully something will work...
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