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9 year old DS frightened of being upstairs alone at night

(9 Posts)
Ohdearducks Mon 30-Jan-17 00:40:15

My DS 9 has developed a fear of being upstairs when darkness falls, he won't go upstairs without one of us with him.
Tonight he won't stay in bed because of wind and rain outside, he gets anxious about poor weather in the day also, he says it gives him a funny feeling in his stomach and he gets panicky about it.
All of this has been going on for a few months now and seems to be getting worse rather than better, any advice on how to help him overcome his fears?
He's not generally an anxious child and seems otherwise happy in himself.

TenMinutesLate Mon 30-Jan-17 01:10:48

I think it may be their age as my DD is going through a similar thing, along with many of her friends (boys and girls) Not so much the weather but bed time and darkness certainly.

Since the new year I've made a few changes and it has helped slightly. Still anxious but falling asleep quicker and not re-waking. Fairy lights round her bed giving the room a soft glow and new bedding and cushions to make its somewhere where she wants to be. A dream box full with dream ideas...this just helps her mind from wandering and gives her focus. I also stay upstairs for approx 15-30 mins...sorting out washing/mumsnetting/taking off makeup just so she can hear me pottering about but if I have to go downstairs I tell her I'll be checking on her in 15 mins just to give reassurance.

I may be pandering a little but she never used to be like this so I'm not sure if I'm reinforcing it or helping her get over it......god knows! It seems to be quite a tricky age! You're not alone though!

cocopops88 Mon 30-Jan-17 02:42:55

Try a set of walkie talkies so he knows he can talk to you if he needs you, and maybe get him to pick some audio books to listen too whilst falling asleep.

JuneJuly Mon 30-Jan-17 03:12:10

I think all the changes you have made for your dd sound lovely & really well thought out TenMinutesLate. I imagine they will make your dd feel very much more secure and will definitely help her settle better and get over any anxiety she has, rather than reinforcing it. Great ideas for the op.

We did the fairy lights round the bed thing for both our dds, 7yo has them switched off to go to sleep, 12yo still keeps them on all night, but hers are around the bottom of the bed bit of a mid-sleeper so not directly shining on her, just lighting up the room. What does it matter if it makes them feel more comforted & helps them sleep better?! At any age.

almightygirl Mon 30-Jan-17 03:46:55

Definitely a phase. Ds1 was the same and Ds2 (8) is just going through it now.

I do the same as tenminuteslate. I potter around upstairs for a bit until he seems settled. Then I'll go downstairs but come back up 10 or 15 mins later. They also have a nightlight and can have the radio on very softly which seems to help when it's windy.

Is there something specific he's scared of? With ds2, he's worried about what happens if there's a fire. So we've talked through what we do, what he needs to do etc and it's helped a little.

Ohdearducks Mon 30-Jan-17 07:49:07

These are great ideas thank you so much everyone.
almighty he doesn't cite anything specific in terms of his fear but I do recall it starting around the time of the killer clown nonsense a few months ago, I'm starting to think it's played on his mind and this is the result.

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen Mon 30-Jan-17 07:59:04

We got sky tv put in up in our bedroom 🙄
I used to get sooooo cross when I'd nip downstairs for a cuppa ( 🍷 ) and she'd start freaking out
Lasted to about 12

bruffin Mon 30-Jan-17 08:06:22

Try some audio books

TenMinutesLate Mon 30-Jan-17 09:21:22

Thank you JuneJuly x

Audio books are a great idea and
I just remembered if you have Spotify it has 'music to fall asleep to' so no words just relaxing calm music.

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