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Advice needed: Correct way to not ask for presents

(10 Posts)
onedowneleventogo Wed 25-Jan-17 20:57:44

My DD is turning 3 in a few weeks so I've booked up a party at the local soft play and plan on distributing invites to all her nursery mates.

My DH and I both work and we don't personally know any of the invitees or their parents. For this reason and the fact that we live in a tiny house that is packed to the rafters with LO's xmas haul (the perks of being the first grandchild) I'd really rather people not worry about presents.

Is there a special parent code that means "seriously I'm not kidding no presents please" that will sound perfectly polite to the other nursery parents who have never met me?

My instinct would be a simple "Please no presents" but, as an American in the U.K. I've found what I consider directness others consider rude.

What's the nice way to put this? With a pun? Y'all love puns, right?

Strawberrybubblegum Wed 25-Jan-17 21:53:31

I'm not sure there's a polite way to say that, especially when you don't know the parents well.

Giving a present makes the social interaction (between party-giver and party-goer) more equal. I know I'd feel really uncomfortable taking DD to a party and not giving a gift. I'd just about be OK with it for a close friend where the bonds of social obligation were already strong in both directions. But definitely not for a stranger.

It's also a bit immodest ('We don't need your gift.')

Just let them bring a gift!

TeaBelle Wed 25-Jan-17 21:57:06

Could you do.an alternative to a gift such as asking everyone to bring a wrapped book and doing a lucky dip for all guests? Would cover all budgets and no stash for you at the end

TheCustomaryMethod Wed 25-Jan-17 21:59:34

If you're mad keen on a pun, there's the classic cheesy "We don't want presents - just your presence!"

You're probably the best judge of whether your invitees would find that charming or twee wink

MarzipanPiggy Wed 25-Jan-17 22:07:57

I agree with pp, just let the guests bring a gift. People will feel awkward otherwise, and I think three year olds are old enough to understand you bring a present to a party and get confused if there is no giving of presents. I know my DC really enjoy the picking the present / wrapping / scribbling on the card part of the process.

To those who ask you could say your DS really likes books / jigsaws, or something else which won't take up too much space.

Gooseygoosey12345 Wed 25-Jan-17 22:15:09

I'd say
"We kindly ask that presents not be bought for DD, however if you would like to make a donation to charity instead that would be great"

InvisibleKittenAttack Wed 25-Jan-17 22:24:59

At 3, the parents getting a gift is not just for your DD's benefit, but as a way of teaching the importance of giving, someone else being the "special" person for the day etc, it's also for their dcs benefit.

--which can backfire when your dc doesn't accept mummy putting cash in the Christmas collection for their preschool teachers counts as a gift so still wants you to get another on--e

Just say nothing other than "thank you".

Badgoushk Wed 25-Jan-17 22:27:58

It also might come across to the parents as a bit mean to your DD. I know that's not what you meant but you can imagine them all thinking...poor little one!

chloechloe Thu 26-Jan-17 07:40:58

I'm a bit surprised by some of the replies here. If somebody specifically says no gifts then why feel awkward?

However like others have said, it may well cause confusion to the kids as to why no presents are being given / received.

Personally I hate having a house full of toys - kids have far too much stuff these days and I think they're better off having fewer things. To avoid the issue I'd be tempted to put the presents aside and give them away as presents at other parties (obviously making a note of who gave what!) If your DD is particularly happy with some of the gifts let her have them, but she's unlikely to notice if a few disappear. I guess people will generally buy cheap small gifts which hopefully won't take up too much room if you stick them in a box somewhere.

LetThereBePeace Thu 26-Jan-17 07:49:29

"we live in a tiny house that is packed to the rafters with LO's xmas haul (the perks of being the first grandchild) I'd really rather people not worry about presents."

Can't you just put the above in the invite? Sounds perfectly reasonable and relatable to me.

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