Baby 2's arrival(15 Posts)
Hi all, my second child arrived a week ago. We're all adjusting well, including our 3 year old. My question is, is it normal/standard that I just feel a little bit sad that the 1 on 1 time with him is going to be so much less? I feel horrible as it's like saying I don't like the change or am not coping or something. I am bonding with our baby of course and we're so happy she's here but I feel emotional about my boy....am I going crazy!!??
What you are experiencing seems almost exactly the same as I experienced. I had a similar gap too.
I think it's normal to feel like that
ds1 is two and ds2 is seven weeks and I certainly had times when I felt guilty that ds1 had to share us now and worried he'd get less attention. I think at one point, I was convinced I had ruined his life! ds2 spent a week in the neonatal u it after he was born and poor ds1 was pushed from pillar to post most of that week which added to my guilt!
fast forward a few weeks and balancing both of them is getting easier and ds1 is completely indifferent to ds2!
we try to still get one-on-one time with ds1, even if it's just taking him with us to do the grocery shopping or giving him a bath etc.
congrats on your new little one!
I had a lot of guilt after ds2 arrived, it was awful. He has just turned one now and is no longer breastfeeding so I leave him with my husband on a Sunday and spend one on one time with my eldest DS. It doesn't last forever.
Thank you ladies! Good to know I'm not completely mad...yet. earlier my (divorced) bil visited with my 10 yo niece, my boy loves her and she's great with him, obviously her attention upon arriving is on our baby, he was desperate to get her attention, he wasn't getting upset but I did! I had to go and sort myself out in the loo as was welling up at the thought of him feeling sad by her attention not on him like he's used to, she played with him after a while and that was that. He was acting up a bit tonight, not like him, but it is a big change, for all of us ! Your experiences definitely give me some comfort!
Again, all perfectly normal. Your guests should know this, but could you ask them out of earshot of DS to make a fuss of him first and ask them to introduce them to the baby? Not saying your DN should know but your BIL certainly should have.
Congratulations on your squishy newborn OP!
Oh, the guilt of parenting... Yep I feel guilt and sadness for DD1 not having my complete attention any more. I also feel guilt and sadness DD2 hasn't been able to have the 1 to 1 time DD1 enjoyed for her first 2yrs. It did become easier: the baby was eventually able to be left for a few hours so I could take DD1 out for some 1 to 1, and DD1 started preschool when the baby was 3mo giving me the 1 to 1 with DD2. I try to remind myself that they'll (hopefully!) have gained a good friend to grow up with when I feel the guilt creeping in, and I think on balance they're better off for that.
A week in and your hormones will be going crazy, adding to the feelings of guilt. I remember genuinely feeling I had 'broken' my pfb by having to give her a bottle of formula at around a week old Don't underestimate the hormones!
We are 5 month in with ds2 I felt very sad and missed ds1 terribly at first but as things have settled down its got better. A few weeks ago ds1 was playing with some toy animals and ds2 started to shout and lean toward them so I bought him down to have a look it was the first time all 3 of us could do the same thing and it was lovely really felt like the next step before I felt a bit like there was me and ds1 then me and ds2 the 3 of us didn't fit yet but now we are becoming a unit instead of 2 pairs.
Also I'm now able to leave ds2 with dp or family to take ds1 out without worrying if he's ok which has been good. I did have a few moments of thinking this was a bad idea but now my boys are getting to know each other and forming a bond I know it was the right thing they like to bath together and ds1 sings and dances which gets massive smiles and lots of excited kicking from ds2 oh I'm going gushy now thinking about it
Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I'll definitely take some tips from you. It's a minefield for sure!!
Hello OP - I too am dreading this moment.
My little boy DS1 will be about to turn 3 when DS2 arrives in May. May I ask how you all dealt with the first meeting and the very early weeks when Baby 2 first came home to make it easier on DC1?
I am having a c section so I am dreading not being able to pick up and hold DS1 as I usually do.
I ended up with a CS LHReturns. It was tough not being able to pick DD1 up, but DH made up for it whilst he was off on Pat leave. I had drastically reduced the amount I had been lifting her in the last trimester though, so I think that helped as she was no longer as used to it. She was only just 2 so explaining why she couldn't climb all over me was a bigger problem.
The first meeting was in the hospital. We waited a few days until I was disconnected from the morphine syringe thing and I'd been able to change (It had been a crash section and I was in for 5 days afterwards) to make things a bit more 'normal'. I'd planned to not be holding the baby when she arrived (had read it was a good idea) but DH forgot to ring when on the way up so I could put her down, so I was feeding her when DD1 walked in. She was so excited to see me as we'd never been apart for that long before, that she either didn't notice or care about her sister. We'd brought some sweets (a rare treat!) and a present from baby to DD1 into the hospital in advance to give her, which she was thrilled about, so all in all it was very pleasant. She visited us a second time, and came along for our discharge which helped ease her in I think.
Once home we asked guests to make a fuss of her first and we had pre-prepared a bag of small wrapped presents for guests to give DD1 if they'd only bought the baby a gift (didn't need them, everyone remembered her). We kept on her childminder day to keep her routine and DH took her to her swimming lesson each week so she didn't feel she'd lost everything she was used to. We often split the DCs up (still do!) to give them each a bit of time alone with one of us. We got through a lot of the first couple of months curled up on the sofa with cbeebies and snacks whilst I fed the baby, or stomping around the zoo once I'd healed enough (we have annual passes and DD2 would sleep for hours in a moving pram).
TBH she's never been anything less than chuffed about her sister in both the way she acts towards and speaks about her, although after the honeymoon period had passed we did suffer a potty training regression and some pretty awful tantrumming towards us. It took a couple of months to get passed that by ignoring the bad behaviour and making a massive fuss of the good stuff. If anything though DD1 seems to find it more difficult now as she has now discovered she'll have to share her toys etc and DD2 is actually more demanding of me as she's no longer happy to spend all day watching us in a bouncer or sleeping in the pram!
LHReturns we talked about baby arriving all the time, we had a story book about it and we bought a present from the baby that we knew he would love. He came to the hospital to see her and after 2 minutes was over it and wanting a snack lol!
We are on day 5 with a newborn and 3 year old and I was just coming on here to post similar or see if there was a thread for those getting used to life with a baby and toddler!
I feel so happy with new baby and dd1 has taken to her arrival really positively. However I'm a weepy mess worrying about her! She's been very clingy (don't like that word but not sure how else to describe it) with me and reluctant to go out. Which is hard because my family are really keen to help by spending time with her and taking her on outings. She's going out if DH is there as well but rather reluctantly. It would be nice if he could get some rest too. She keeps saying how much she missed me at hospital, we were gone when she woke up and didn't return until lunchtime the following day with her baby sister.
I've been trying to spend time with just her and on the occasions her sister doesn't need feeding I have done bedtime. It's so hard when I can hear her asking for me. Oh the guilt!
winging does your ds go to nursery at all? My dd has only just started, only did one proper week of 3 mornings before dd2 arrived early! Think this has also added to my guilt but she does love it there. Monday will be the first day back since dd2 arrived so I'm a bit anxious about that.
Marjory yes he's been at nursery a couple of days a week since I returned to work when he was 11 months old and we decided to keep him at nursery as we felt it was important to have his routine the same. He's been fine going off luckily. Talking to other mum friends I am assured the guilt and weeping will get better and everyone goes through it! It's nice to chat to others though hey!
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