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So fed up of my baby

(54 Posts)
FedUpofMyBaby Mon 23-Jan-17 16:59:19

NC for this as I'm ashamed but need help too. I have a 9 week old DD, she's my second baby I have a 4 year old DS. Since she was born she has done nothing but cry pretty much constantly. She will only sleep when held, if I put her down I get 10 mins and then she's awake screaming again. I can't take it much more. DH works 6-6 through the week and Saturday mornings so not too bad but I still feel at the end of my rope. I can barely do anything with my 4 year old as I am constantly holding the baby, her crying is monotonous. She has had colic and we have changed her milk which did help. I just don't know what to do I'm utterly miserable and wish I could just walk out and never come back. I have parents who live nearby and I see them every day but they don't offer me a break ever, they help out with her but while I'm there, I need a break away from her it's not much of a break when I'm still in the same room. She won't take a dummy, I've tried a sling which she hates as she gets too hot, she will sleep in her pram but as soon as it stops she wakes up screaming. I know there's not much I can do until she just eventually grows older and more settled I'm just losing the will to live. Any advice ?

SaorAlbaGuBrath Mon 23-Jan-17 17:01:04

Has she been checked for allergies? DS2 was utterly miserable for the first few weeks until cows milk protein allergy was diagnosed. Failing that, reflux is also a possibility if the colic is now under control.
I completely sympathise, it's soul destroying and I hope you get to the bottom of it soon.

FedUpOfMyBaby Mon 23-Jan-17 17:06:03

No she hasn't, what does that entail? Blood tests? She's had gaviscon in the last before colic was diagnosed as they weren't sure if it was colic or reflux, but it didn't help. I wonder if I should try it again..?

FedUpOfMyBaby Mon 23-Jan-17 17:06:13

Past*

Northlondonmum1980 Mon 23-Jan-17 17:06:53

Sorry to hear that, I'm a FTM still expecting, so no voice of experience, but have you seen those electric baby rockers you can get these days?

I am sure there are mums who use them who can give you first hand reviews or info on them, but I jsut thought it might help in giving you a break from rocking her. It could possibly work well, especially if she likes sleeping when the pram is moving.

Maybe, your parents aren't aware you need a break. Hopefully, if you ask or explain your exhaustion, they may be willing to help out more.

I hope others can give you tips for dealing with colic. I can just imagine it must be so hard when she doesn't seem to calm with anything.

laundryelf Mon 23-Jan-17 17:06:58

So sorry you are having such a hard time. Could you talk to your health visitor or GP and ask about any support that might be available in the area? Homestart really helped me when my DS was younger. Would your Mum/Dad take the baby for a walk in her pram to give you a break?

SaorAlbaGuBrath Mon 23-Jan-17 17:09:28

You can go to the doctors and ask her to be allergy tested. To be fair, I'd researched the symptoms and had worked out it was CMPA with DS2, so she just gave us the milk on prescription and it sorted it. Gaviscon can cause colic, so it might be worth asking again, and using colic remedy alongside it. Or if it still won't settle and it is reflux, ranitidine (medicine rather than powder sachets) helps.
Does she sleep better when her head/shoulders are raised slightly? Is she sicky a lot/brings up clear fluid as well as milk? That's the symptoms of reflux.
I'm not sure if testing requires blood tests, because in our case we didn't need to be tested.
Hope you get some help (and some sleep!) soon x

duskonthelawn Mon 23-Jan-17 17:11:00

Have you tried a bouncy chair, then you could sit with her and bounce her while your other DC plays? Put a blanket over her while she's in it so she feels snug?
With grandparents we almost always have to ask if they'd like to have DD, they rarely offer as I think they feel like they're being intrusive. Can you not ask your parents to have her/both your DC if they can manage it, maybe an afternoon a week so you can get some rest?
flowers for you, i think everyone's felt the same at some point but it will get better I promise.

Tootsiepops Mon 23-Jan-17 17:14:35

Can you ask your parents to take the baby so that you can get even an hour to yourself? Don't wait until they offer.

My little girl had colic and reflux. I wanted to kill myself. Then, we got to about 10 weeks and the colic went. Around the same time we cracked the right combination of milk and meds and suddenly, I had a very different baby altogether.

Heirhelp Mon 23-Jan-17 17:17:11

For the sling you both need fewer clothes.

Definitely take your baby to the doctors as she could have reflux or and allergy. My DD was similar and gp said the tests are treatment so they give rantadine for reflux and wait but and if it improves it is reflux the same for alternative milk.

Blackbird82 Mon 23-Jan-17 17:19:56

Could you wear some foam earplugs, just to drown out the noise a bit? When my son was a newborn he screamed all the time too and I absolutely hated my life (and him blush)

Earplugs helped and as with everything, it's only a temporary form of hell. It will get better!

Kirstyinnorway Mon 23-Jan-17 17:25:47

I know this sounds really out-there, but here in Norway if a baby is constantly crying, often parents will try a baby chiropractor.

The school of thought being that they've been scrunched up for so long that it might be down to sore/spasming muscles.

I was a sceptic until a friend's colicky baby, who simply wouldn't settle for the first month of her life, was cured overnight.

Don't know where you might find something like that in the UK (assume that's where you are) but worth a look if you are really at the end of your tether.

FedUpOfMyBaby Mon 23-Jan-17 18:55:11

Thank you everyone for your messages, I'm definitely going to go back to the doctors and ask for her to be checked for allergies, I know babies cry but this is constant so makes me think something else is going on. I've got some gaviscon in from the first time we tried it so going to give it another go just incase it is reflux and not colic. I have seen those bouncy chairs if you mean the Babacush? But at £100 it's out of our budget at the minute. I have looked into the chiropractor idea and there is one local to me but my DH and DM dismissed it saying it was rubbish so it put me off, I'm thinking I might just do it without telling them!

FedUpOfMyBaby Mon 23-Jan-17 18:56:58

I don't really feel i can ask my parents to take the kids, they are very set in their ways with routines etc (don't ask!) and my dad is nearly 70 so doesn't like the disruption. I do have a good friend who has offered to have the kids this Sunday and I'd previously declined but I think I'll take her up on the offer!

Tweedledumb0 Mon 23-Jan-17 19:02:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Patriciathestripper1 Mon 23-Jan-17 19:03:40

My second Dd was just like this. I used to cry with exhaustion.
My health visitor told me to change nappy, feed her then put her in cot upstairs with room door open then go and get a cup of tea and put on some headphones and listen to music or tv.
Check every 5 mins if you can still hear crying then she's ok (she's not in any harm)
If she's quiet sneak a look tho see if she's settled. But leave her if she still crying.
Eventually she will get into routine of being fed and put down to slept for a while so you can get some rest to.
It worked for me once I stopped feeling guilty about the crying.

chloechloe Mon 23-Jan-17 19:15:00

I don't have any advice to offer, just sympathy as if must be awful.

Going back to chiropractors, I live in Germany and it's also common to take babies to them here if they're so unsettled.

I really hope it gets better soon, these things often resolve themselves suddenly but the question is when!

Popskipiekin Mon 23-Jan-17 19:16:45

Sympathies. I know you say your parents won't take the DC but could they just take baby for a walk in the pram - you say she will sleep in her pram? Give her a feed and send them off for an hour or two. Or they can sit in a different room from you and push the pram back and forth if that works. Maybe they could do that whilst your friend has your 4yo and you can put your head down for the afternoon.

BifsWif Mon 23-Jan-17 19:18:20

You are describing my baby. She had silent reflux and was diagnosed at 8 weeks. She slept for six solid hours, in the daytime, after her first dose of gaviscon.

Kirstyinnorway Mon 23-Jan-17 20:50:59

You should totally just take baby to a chiropractor secretly and make DH and DM eat their words wink It's so common in Scandinavia (and apparently Germany!)... We can't all be wrong! Even if it doesn't work, you won't have lost too much. I really feel for you; I hope things get better soon.

glueandstick Mon 23-Jan-17 21:12:21

I don't have any advice apart from perhaps it could be a lactose thing and do try a chiropractor, but- IT DOES GET EASIER. The days are dark now but it will get much much better.

Hang on in there. You're doing fine.

Heirhelp Mon 23-Jan-17 21:48:16

If it is reflux then gaviscon might not, but the sounds of it won't be enough. Does she have problems feeding or seem to be over feeding?

EskiVodkaCranberry Mon 23-Jan-17 21:51:50

We had 17 months of this before we discovered it was cows milk allergy, it's worth a shot? I could never go through that again I completely sympathise, it's horrible for everyone.

Wheresthecoff33 Mon 23-Jan-17 21:53:06

First of all, I just want to give you a big hug. I have 3 under 5 and my baby is 15 weeks old. From the day and hour she was born she screamed and screamed and screamed some more. She suffers from reflux aswell, all 3 DC had it. Go to your GP to get ranitidine and if that doesn't work, ask for omeprazole, it should help a bunch. Will your LO take a dummy? Mine didn't until yesterday hun, and that was after her second appointment with a bio cranial osteopath (kind of like a chiropractor). I'd highly recommend it to ANYONE, today is the FIRST day since she was born that I have been able to put her down (and for a nap more than 10 mins long). There have been a few occasions when I have put her in her cosleeper creaming the place down and I have just had to leave the room and go make a cup of tea to clear my head, we love our children with all our hearts but there really is only so much one person can take! I really feel for you, and I really hope your LO settles asap, for both your sakes. Please consider the cranial osteopathy, if it doesn't work for your LO at least you tried, but if it does, well, perhaps you will start to enjoy motherhood again. Xx

PacificDogwod Mon 23-Jan-17 22:01:15

Massive sympathies - DS1, now almost 14, was like that and I am still getting flashbacks to how bad it was at the time.

Here are my survival tips:
- Don't minimise. Speak to your HV, to your GP, to your DH and make sure they hear how close to the end of your rope you are.
- Get medical causes for her upset ruled out.
- Actively seek help. If anybody says 'Can I help?" you have an answer ready: "Yes, please, that would be great. Could you hold DD while I have a shower?" "Could you put the washing away please?". I had a neighbour who took DS away in his pram once a week for one hour and I swear if she had not done that, I may have snapped. It was often the only time I washed my hair that week..
- have a read of --https://www.amazon.co.uk/Fussy-Baby-Book-William-Sears/dp/0007332149/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1485208406&sr=8-1&keywords=fussy+baby The Fussy Baby Book]]. It helped me to understand that some babies simply need a lot of holding and will cry a lot even in the absence of any medical reason.
- Lower your standards. The priority is to survive, physically and mentally intact. Everything else is secondary. Get a cleaner or don't clean. Batch cook when DH is on hand to hold DD or stock the freezer with ready-meals.
- Increase whatever nursery time your DS has if that takes the pressure off you a bit, but equally make sure you have even just 10 minutes one-on-one time with DS. The change in dynamic will be hard on him too.
- Eat cake/chocolate, get out of the house every day, don't forget to drink enough fluid.
- consider a sling. I ended up with a fine selection of them and they came in handy again when I had DSs 2, 3 and 4 grin - none of them screamed as much as DS1 had done.

Survive. Your priority needs to be survival. And as the MN mantra goes: this too will pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass...
thanks

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