theft or not? ,fuming anyway

[lancarra]

I have my ss staying at the moment 12 I have 3 kids ds 10 dd 5 ds 2, we took them to pizza hut yesterday and I discovered today loads of sweets which ss and ds 10 have taken from icecream factory. My son has never done this before and I would consider myself a strict parent unfortunately ss has been in trouble for things like petty vandalism etc and I think he is the instigator here. My ss is not disciplined much and my dh is not as hard on him as he is on my son because he sees less of ss, but ss needs to be pulled up on these things now before he gets worse. They are out at the moment with dh, do you think I should deal with both equally or just ds and leave ss to dh but knowing he will get away with it as to my mind this is petty theft.

[Coolmama]

I would bite the bullet and deal with them both at the same time - it needs to be made clear that stealing is never acceptable. Make sure you and DH agree on some sort of punishment before you speak to ds and ss.
Maybe make them take the sweets back to the shop and apologise to the owner?

[doormat]

drag them both down by the scruff of the neck and tell the shop what they have done

it will scare the shit out of them
and hopefully they wont do it again


also think you need to sort out your dh over the discipline side
just because he sees less of ss
doesnt mean ds has to cop all the crap
good luck
xxx

[suejonez]

I think you should deal with them at the same time

[lancarra]

That would be my choice to take them back to the shop tomorrow morning the only thing is it was a paid for meal icecream included not like a shop or should I do it anyway, I have just spoken to ss's mum and she said whatever I see as fit and both the same. I think dh will take a softer aproach but I don't think this works.

[adath]

I think you need to dealt with them both the same and it is fantastic you have ss mum on your side too.
You have to make DH see though that he is being totally unfair on your ds by being softer on ss all that is teaching him is that there is no point in behaving well as his punishment is always worse and ds will grow up resenting him for that, you need to give dh a good kicking to get him on the same page here.

[deaconblue]

Many years ago I worked on the Littlewoods sweetie counter and a small boy was brought in by fab parents to apologise for stealing a sweet the day before and pay his £1 pocket money. He was so genuinely sorry and I'm certain he's never stolen again. I definitely think this would be the best punishment for the two of them

[deaconblue]

Do it anyway lancarra. The waiter will probably play along and it'll be such a good lesson for them

[deaconblue]

Jsut remembered my mum's friend who took her 7 year old daughter to the local rural police station for a similar "crime". The bobby was fantastic and told her he would have to send her to prison if she ever did it again

[lancarra]

I took them both back on sunday after phoning the manager to explain, I hope that will teach them!

[suejonez]

Good for you lancarra - how was the manager with them?

[lancarra]

He was very good and said they should also apologise to me! I suspect a lot of kids take the sweets as they are tempting, but to me the principle is wrong they knew it was wrong because they hid them in their pockets. I think my ss was the instigator and so does dh as he has been in trouble before, my ds is very easily led so I said to him he must have courage to say no esp as he is adhd and very easy to wind up and doesn't always think before doing.

[deaconblue]

Well done, lets hope that teaches them both a lesson. I think you are right, the fact they hid them means they knew they were doing something wrong.

[lancarra]

Thanks wulfricsmummy

[Rhubarb]

Don't punish your ss more than your ds. I used to get custardo into all sorts of trouble as I knew she would do the things I suggested, and then she'd cop the blame whilst because I was always innocent and quiet I got off scot free!

So don't assume your ds is completely guilt free.

Agree that they should be made to give the sweets back.