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AIBU to be mad at MIL

(24 Posts)
helpme12335 Fri 20-Jan-17 15:34:33

MIL always comments how our newborn daughter looks nothing like her Dad. So been to see the MIL today alone with our young baby and she actually said when I was leaving 'she bears no resemblance to her son, can't see him in her and if I'm sure it's husbands child and have I not been having it off with the milk man?'.

Am I been unreasonable to be annoyed by these comments? Whilst they were said half jokingly I've taken offence by this and when I've mentioned it to hubby he said ' she doesn't look like him but he's sure MIL didn't mean anything by it' angry

Soubriquet Fri 20-Jan-17 15:37:48

I can understand you being a bit annoyed but it's best to laugh it all off

She wins if she winds you up

I seem to get "no mistaking who is dad there is there? Poor fuckers"

Noctilucent Fri 20-Jan-17 15:39:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heirhelp Fri 20-Jan-17 15:39:08

I think she is being a bit insensitive. If it is upsetting you, it would me then asked your DH to speak to her or challenge her yourself.

MaudGonneMad Fri 20-Jan-17 15:40:33

Say yes, your milkman's name is Pat Mustard.

MrsDustyBusty Fri 20-Jan-17 15:45:45

People say that mine is so like my husband am I sure she's mine? I think it's an ordinary enough joke. Mothers should remember how hard the hormones hit when you've just had a baby and not tell jokes.

Yankeedoodledickhead Fri 20-Jan-17 15:51:41

Some stupid people say shitty things because they have nothing else to say.

My mil bleats on and on about how my youngest looks nothing like me at all. Whatsoever. Did they swap her? Yada yada.

Then she saw a picture of my older dd as a baby (different dad) and said "Oh! She looks like X so much!" Well duh, seeing as the common denominator is me confused

helpme12335 Fri 20-Jan-17 16:13:43

It's so frustrating isn't it? I've done 100 mile round trip to go and see her and all she can do is make comments like that

Yankeedoodledickhead Fri 20-Jan-17 16:38:15

Very annoying but just tell her "for goodness sake what a daft thing to say! Ha ha ha!" followed by one of these hmm

ElleDubloo Fri 20-Jan-17 16:53:56

I think it's rude of her. And if she's not being rude on purpose, then she's being stupid. Her question is basically "have you been cheating on your DP?" which I personally would be extremely offended by.

Joking about a child not looking like its father, is completely different to joking about a child not looking like its mother. The former insinuates that the mother is a liar. The latter just suggests there was an accident at birth which is highly unlikely and could be funny.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Fri 20-Jan-17 16:57:21

"Well, MIL, DH is nothing like you either. He's polite"

picklemepopcorn Fri 20-Jan-17 16:57:43

It's an insensitive joke, she won't have thought about the implications. She's probably a bit miffed the baby isn't more like her side of the family. Mine were born looking nothing like their dad, contrary to science's expectation, but grew into little clones of him. Bless. Makes me wonder why I bothered sometimes!

Corialanusburt Fri 20-Jan-17 16:59:19

Shes bullying you because she can get away with it. She's sort of being rude on purpose but she'll take great offence if you take offence.
It will be her loss because you'll be more reluctant to see her. I would only go when your husband can go too.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Fri 20-Jan-17 17:01:04

How about 'yes fortunately she looks nothing like her dad. Isn't it lucky that men can get DNA tests done these days if they are suspicious? It's good to be able to prove people's nasty insinuations are false'

llangennith Fri 20-Jan-17 17:02:33

I love BreakfastAtSqiffany's comment😈

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay Fri 20-Jan-17 17:53:26

Sorry but I really wouldn't find this funny. She's saying you fucked someone else and are lying about the father of your baby, I think that's pretty bloody rude.

I'd get DH to say something next time. 'Mum, why do you keep saying DS isn't mine? Do you really think that?'

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Fri 20-Jan-17 17:56:04

Does anyone actually have a milkman any more?
Surely the 21st century equivalent should be "is it the Amazon delivery man's?"

HelsBels5000 Fri 20-Jan-17 17:58:55

I'd be very offended and would say to MIL 'Are you seriously accusing me of cheating on your son and having sex with someone else who is now the father of my child?' really put her on the spot, and do it with an audience too! She will feel very stupid indeed.

PostTruthEra Fri 20-Jan-17 18:03:23

My 5month DS is the spitting image of DH. Everyone comments on it. He really is. I have pictures of them both staring at the camera and ds really is my DHs mini me.

My mil doesn't think they look alike and whenever other people say they do, she says it's too early to tell. All while looking at me like I'm some scarlet woman. Dh and I have been together almost 8years!

Pythonesque Fri 20-Jan-17 18:10:35

When my dad's parents first met me (a few months old I think, they lived a fair way away), apparently my grandfather immediately commented on how like my dad as a baby I was. (and having seen photos it is very striking). My grandmother disagreed entirely and was apparently rather negative their whole visit.

We had fairly limited contact with that side of the family over the next few years, which ceased entirely after my grandfather died when I was about 8. Found out that my grandmother had died in her 90s just a couple of years ago. Didn't bother my dad either.

BackforGood Fri 20-Jan-17 21:32:37

YABU to "be mad at".
It was clearly a joke. It may well not be to your sense of humour, but being "mad at" is a complete over reaction.

Vanillaradio Sat 21-Jan-17 22:16:28

Ds is the spitting image of dh. Everybody mentions it even people who have only met dh a couple of times. Everybody except Mil (now deceased) who used to remark frequently that Ds looked nothing like dh and she just couldn't see why people thought he did. I found it rude and I think your Mil is being rude, I agree it is hugely irritating but just nod, smile and ignore.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 22-Jan-17 00:27:00

I would ask, "Are you saying you believe I'm the kind of woman who cheats on her husband? If so, I look forward to telling your son what you think of me."

Whatsername17 Sun 22-Jan-17 02:55:18

Mines the opposite. She insists dd5 looks nothing like me. Even though everyone else comments that she is my mini me. I have a photo of me as a toddler and dd thought it was her. I don't know why some mils get so hung up on it. I wonder if it's a form of trying to claim or deny ownership?

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