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My Parents have no interest in my child - just left me to it(4 Posts)
Hi everyone, this is my first post and know that sometimes you can get misunderstood. Just some background, we have one DS age 10 and am so grateful to have him and it is my joy to care for him. I'm married, and have my lovely DS who has attention issues.
DH's family are abroad.
My Parent's disapproved of our marriage and didn't come to the wedding. Later I became pregnant at the same time as my brother's wife who already had 3 of her own (not my brother's kids). I nearly died in pregnancy and was in hospital for months after the birth with my baby. My mother came to see the baby twice in all this time.
DS has never slept through the night and even now needs very little sleep. I had to go back to work in another city when he was year old and recovered as our income had dried up. My parents had my brothers child and older stepkids every day after school but refused to help me as my mum said she was afraid my son would vomit on her carpet ( he had had reflux when a baby but was all better).
This pattern has continued, and he has never been invited to my parents house.
He doesn't have grandparents in the normal sense or siblings. They just wish him well from a distance. I did ask for help from them but was always rebuffed, it was suggested that I call social services if I couldn't cope as they were too busy to help me - my mother never worked.
We have not had time together as a couple for many years - I'm feeling resentment towards, my parents - I see my friends having visits from grandma and grandparents at school assembly or sports day and I feel sad. I accept that this will now not change, but I don't know quite how to let go of the resentment.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. My in-laws have played no part in our children's lives either. They are close (physically) whilst my parents live in another country. Never babysat, never even took the children for a day out.
I found it really hard In the early years, but now that my children are older, they have no desire to see the in-laws. My in-laws are ageing, and would like some attention from family, but my children really have no connection with them. They don't particularly want to spend time with them ( I force them to, because we are family).
I also felt envy when I saw families around me, having grandparents turn up to school events etc., but given that they weren't interested when I really needed help, I feel that they deserve the lack of affection my children show them. ( I get that's a nasty sentimement, but I found the early years so very hard and it's coloured my opinion of them)
I still feel the resentment, but the nasty, bitter side of me is happy that my children don't seek a relationship with them. I genuinely don't deel they deserve one.
Thanks so much for your response. I am sorry that you also had difficult times - it is so unnecessary. I agree with your children's sentiments, my son is now recognising that there is something wrong with Grandma and never asks to see her anymore.
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