How the hell do I crack the dummy ?!

[usernoidea]

Hi

I'm so angry with myself for giving my son a dummy. I was so against them before I had him as I knew they'd be tricky to wean him off but at night I'm currently up around 20 fucking plus times putting it in and I'm on the edge!

Do I just go cold turkey with him to break this cycle?

Please be kind and give good advice as I am not being that rational at the moment!!!

Thanks for reading x

[madwomanacrosstheroad]

What age is he? Can he put a dummy back in if he finds one? What about putting several into the cot at night?

[Nuggy2013]

Depends how old you son is. DD was complete dummy addict and we got her to give it to the 'dummy fairy' in exchange for a bike (thanks DH!) but she could understand this. I'd go cold turkey and if I had my time again, will go cold turkey before DS is one. It's not as bad as I thought and after 24 to 48 hours, the dummy is no more!!! I could have got DD off the dummy earlier but couldn't face the thought of the withdrawal, other than an hour of crying for it, she was fine. Good luck!

[Jackiebrambles]

In my experience of 2 kids this stage is extremely short. From about 7 months mine could find and put them back in themselves. I put shit loads of dummies in their cots!

I bloody love dummies. I believe they contributed to my kids being good sleepers/self soothers.

[cosytoaster]

We used to leave several in the cot overnight. When we tried to wean him off dummies he took up thumb sucking instead; still does this now - aged 18

[MummaGiles]

We went cold turkey with DS's dummy at around 20 months, when he could understand it was 'lost'. He bloody loved his dummy and it was actually fine without it after the initial shock (he 'lost' it in the morning sonny bedtime had calmed down from the upset).

[Ylvamoon]

Yep I'd go "cold Turkey"!

[usernoidea]

Thanks ladies - my son is almost 5 months and a pretty restless sleeper....I'm only still sharing a room with him to keep ramming his dummy back in, otherwise he'd be in his own room by now!

It's quite a trek to his room from mine so I'm really not keen to keep going with this dummy malarkey much longer!

[madwomanacrosstheroad]

I did not go cold turkey, dd loved her dummy and seemed to take comfort from it.
We waited until she had a reasonably good level of understanding and then "lost" all dummies. When discovering the "loss" we went to the shop and gave her the choice between a "big girls" toy or a new dummy.
The toy won.

[LittleBearPad]

He'll be able to find them and reinsert himself before very long. Chuck a load in his bed. He might learn

[reallyanotherone]

Chuck loads of dummies in the cot.

Couple of words of warning- there is some research that shows removing a dummy before the age of one increases the risk of SIDS. Secondly, as pp mentioned, I also had the experience that when I tried to remove or limit it the thumb went in instead. I figured I'd rather have the short term dummy pain than the longer term pain of trying to break a thumb sucking habit- my eldest in particular was very determined and I've no doubt they'd still be thumb sucking now.

They both gave up the dummy naturally just shy of 3, very easily, with no speech/teeth consequences.

[FATEdestiny]

Dummies are ace

Game changer when he can reinsert his own dummy. That's around 8-10 months usually

You'll have a worse sleeper without it.

[Shadowboy]

You don't see kids aged 9/10 sucking dummies but you do see kids sucking their thumbs. Our 2 year old has a dummy - for bed times only absolutely no other time. It's brilliant. She falls asleep beautifully with it. We put three in her room so if she looses one under her little bed she can pick up one off her bedside table.

What happens when you put one in does he nod off instantly? What will he use to settle himself without one- does he have other techniques?

[lightcola]

We removed the dummy and replaced with an animal comforter, he then started to suck the arms of this comforter and has done ever since. Only problem is the comforter is almost in pieces and we can't replace it.

[usernoidea]

What age was your son at that stage cola?

He seems to be instantly "soothed" as soon as dummy goes in unless he's having an epic meltdown.....

[ImpetuousBride]

Apart from anything else dummies are not healthy for the developing teeth. I had the same issue with my child, could not resolve it until I went "cold turkey" as you say: one day I just threw all the dummies away. She cried the whole day, attempted eating a cable, you name it. The next day the spell was broken and she never asked for a dummy again.

[trilbydoll]

I agree with FATE. What are you going to do if he still wakes 20+ times and you don't have the dummy? I know it seems like every night lasts about 600 hours at the moment but it won't be long until he can find it himself. You could try a Sleepytot?

Having said that, DD did sleep better when we got rid of the dummy at 2.5. You could tell her it was nighttime at that age though!

[FATEdestiny]

Dummy is for getting to sleep. Not staying asleep.

If you have a child that wakes frequently, getting rid of the dummy at 5 months old (and for several months yet) will make zero difference to the fact she's a light sleeper. She'll just find it much harder to get back to sleep.

A deep sleeper could have a dummy and sleep 12 hours solidly without waking from 3 months old. The same deep sleeper could get to sleep a different way and still not wake up. A light sleeper could have a dummy or not have a dummy - and still be a light sleeper.

There are ways to deal with (or just cope with) a 5 month old who wakes often. Getting rid of the dummy isn't that.

[Happyhippy45]

My Ds has his until he was about 2. We gradually cut down the amount of time he used it and then he agreed that when the last one wore out we wouldn't buy any more. Cue me with a pair of scissors not too long after and declaring it had worn out and had a hole in it. I got him to throw it in the bin himself.
He cried a bit the first night but soon settled to a dummy free existence.
I did the same with my dds bottles that she didn't want to give up.

[usernoidea]

Thanks for your further replies
Interesting reading...
Fate, I'm dying to know what other ways you might know about helping a 5 month old who wakes often.....?!

[FATEdestiny]

How much daytime sleep is baby getting and is baby fed frequently during the daytime?

Mostly you can deal with light sleeping by more sleep. At 5 months naps may well still be short (20-40 minutes or so - are you in that phase?) so the key to getting more sleep is to make naps very frequent.

That might involve, for example, limiting awake time to 60-80 minutes or so. Or even sooner if baby gets grumpy. Factoring in the time it takes you to get baby to sleep, giving a feed and checking baby's nappy - that awake time is quite limited in how long baby is actually "playing". It might only be 15-30 minutes.

Having a sure-fast way to get baby to sleep (Dummy and bouncy chair for example) means baby gets fat longer awake/happy because getting back to sleep might onky be a 5 minute affair.

More daytime calories and more daytime sleep, by making both frequent, helps baby to sleep more deeply.

[usernoidea]

That's great advice thank you
He's rarely awake for much more than 2 hours during the day. I could set my watch for his first 20 minute power nap at 8am! Then he will have another 2 power naps before a 2 hour sleep at 1-3pm. Then another power nap about 445. Bath time/story time starts at 6, then he's normally fast asleep by 7. DreAm feed at 10, but between midnight and 5 he's regularly awake/unsettled/noisy etc. I don't have a problem with that....cant really be helped.....has another feed around 2 and we just ride the short sleep cycles until 6ish
He feeds 7oz every 2.5/3 hours.
I know it could be worse! X

[FATEdestiny]

That routine sounds really good. So maybe it's just that you need to adjust your expectations and find some coping mechanisms?

Some mega useful things I wish I'd realised with my first:

(1) Did you know you can take one side of any cot bed and it will be stable with 3 sides? Match the mattress height to your mattress and wedge it up to your bed and Bob's Your Uncle - you have a cosleeper cot.

(2) sewing a piece of ribbon into the chest of baby's sleeping bag with a press stud at the end means (a) you can find dummy with your eyes shut (b) baby can learn to find own dummy without searching for it (c) it's a way to establish dummies for sleep time only.

(3) Combining the above two means you don't have to move from the warmth of your duvet or even open your eyes to dummy reinsert. Add into that some other tricks, like turning the clock around so you can't see the time, using earplugs to drown out background noise - and you can feel like you've had much better quality sleep even if you've done a million dummy inserts

(4) know what to expect. Putting own dummy in is a manual dexterity skill that, like all fine motor skills, comes with age. It'll be around 8 months. So I wouldn't bother planning on not room sharing until baby has that skill mastered.

I hope I'm not teaching grandma to suck eggs here, I'm trying to be helpful. But I honestly think dummies are amazing for parents who want baby to sleep independantly. Just like cosleeping and breastfeeding to sleep though, you need realistic expectations.

[usernoidea]

Thanks fate - all advice welcome. I'm going to bed in ear defenders now with a gogo gadget arm for the dummy runs! X

[cheekyfunkymonkey]

Definitely cold turkey, then Batton down hatches for a rough few nights but it will all be worth it! Good luck!

[Famalam13]

We go rid of the dummy this week (DS 11 months) as like you he was waking multiple times a night just to have it reinserted. He was more than capable of doing it himself and I left multiple dummies in the cot but he wanted one of us to do it. He has slept through every night since dropping it but is harder to settle to sleep.