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Advice on Nursery/preschool.

(4 Posts)
user1484556484 Mon 16-Jan-17 09:13:36

Hi all, I'm new here but would like some opinions please.
Bit of background info..My DD started nursery last week (3years old) Shes never been without me before, I did some attachment parenting but not religiously, basically did what felt right for us. She's a happy and confident little girl and was looking forward to nursery.

The first 3 days went fine, no crying but we had some bad weather and the wind knocked her over in the playground. The staff told me she was crying for an hour and half! (I feel they weren't comforting her correctly if this was the case. She has never cried this long before) And since this she hasn't wanted to go in. Thursday she came home telling me that 'again' is a naughty word and we shouldn't say it. Apparently a teacher told her off for saying this (a supply teacher so noone knows what actually happened, I can only imagine she misheard what my DD said. DD has never heard a 'naughty word' in her life so i'm very upset about this.
Also in her first 5 days there, she had 4 different teachers due to illness. I know this can't be helped, but I don't think it was the best time for her to start.

My DD is now scared to go, she tells me before that she will be upset and doesn't want me to leave her. This breaks my heart as I have never let her be this upset before.

Part of me says to keep her going as she will get used to it like all the other children and she will be more confident/independant for going to school. But the other part worries about the physcological affect making her upset could have and that maybe she is just not ready yet. We could take her out till september and she would still have 1 yr in preschool before big school (she started early due to availability) But is she still going to be the same then? Noone's to know.

I think i'm more worried because I hated nursery and school. I was very shy and I have always had anxiety issues and still do. I worry that they started from school and I would rather homeschool my DD for 15 years than have her live a life of worry and anxiety like I do.

My DH has told me that I'm not to take her out now she has started, but he works round the clock. He doesn't have to deal with her being upset or understand how she feels like same way I do.

I'm just struggling to know what to do for the best for her. Sorry for the long first post and thank you in advance.

Beachmum85 Mon 16-Jan-17 17:51:04

We have an extremely anxious DD (3.5). We tried her at nursery age 2, and it was a disaster. All the advice was to keep going through the upset and eventually she'll 'get used to it' but we went with our gut instinct and left it a whole year until she was 3. She was a different child a year later. She's still very anxious and some mornings we still have tears, but she never says "I don't want to go" She is now able to talk to us about her fears and that definitely helps.

We worked together with the preschool staff to make sure they got to know DD and her ways, and she took a shine to the manager who was absolutely brilliant (and still is) by tailoring her day to suit her anxiety (e.g. A little picture 'timetable' that lets her know all the activities before home time, or a book about being away from mummy, etc).

Obviously your DD is older, but I would say definitely trust your instincts, and if you feel like you need to try again later, do it! But keep talking about preschool lots and keep 'popping in' to spend some time there. When she's coming up to starting again, talk to her about it a lot and her fears, etc.

Good luck OP, I feel your pain! It can be totally heartbreaking 💔

user1484556484 Mon 16-Jan-17 19:40:55

Thank you very much. I really appriciate your advice xx

conserveisposhforjam Mon 16-Jan-17 19:47:27

I think that anyone with a really good understanding of attachment would tell you that the whole 'they need to get used to x now so they are ready for y in a year' thing is a fallacy.

So if you don't think she's ready now don't send her. Your worst fear for her - that she'll be traumatised by this and it will make her anxious - can't be realised if she's at home with you. And reevaluate in august/September (at which point you can have a chat to the school about what good transition looks like- 'cos what you've described ain't it).

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