Spending on son is ridiculous

[winterwalks1]

Is it just me or does anyone else have an unnatural compulsion to spend on their child? I always seem to be buying toys, clothes and bits and pieces that he doesn't need. It's all me! I don't seem to be able to stop.

[Atenco]

No, it's not just you, here we are a grandmother, mother and father and we all love to buy dgd things. But it is not good for her in the long run. I just wish the others would stop

[winterwalks1]

Haha I wish I could afford it!

I don't want a child who expects everything. So far, he doesn't, but he's very young. I need to break the habit now.

[corythatwas]

Are there ways in which you could use your money for him in a way that is actually more beneficial? Piggy bank to be used for something nice for him when he's older? Or if you haven't actually got the money but want to do something nice for him, how about a special session where you play or sing to him or do something nice outside together (depending on age)?

[winterwalks1]

Thanks Corythatwas.

I do actually spend a lot of time with him. He's 3.5. We do crafts and play etc and have days out.

Saving money is a far better idea, yes. I do put coins in the money box regularly, so little things can be chosen by my son. I would have to put it into his savings, which he does have. I just totally lack impulse control at the moment. I was fine until I had a child, very odd.

[nixnjj]

Put it in a savings account, you never know what's around the corner. I used to be the same, good job, guilt of him being in childcare, not having a dad. Now no job, mental health issues and having to tell a 12 year old to choose which Xmas/birthday he want to sell to replace lost trainers. Showing him pictures of how cute he looked in lovely clothes or reminding him of all the lovely toys he had when he was 4 doesn't make it any easier.

[winterwalks1]

Nixnjj - I'm sorry to hear that, that sounds crappy for you. I have had problems with anxiety, it's horrible living with a mental health issue. I hope you are able to get some support from somewhere.

I don't even have that excuse, I'm
a stay at home Mum. Not sure what I am trying to make up for.. Can't really afford it, however. Your situation does make me think though. At this age, children are happy with anything.

[nixnjj]

I suffer depression and anxiety and a single mum so no support. We have a really close relationship and he always says that the best times are when we spend time together.

When it's really cold and I can only afford to heat the living room we camp out in the and he loves it. When I'm in a deep dark pit he plays therapist. Yesterday I just couldn't get out of bed, so,he got in with me and make me watch funny YouTube videos till i was laughing and managed to get out of bed. Said this morning before school how much fun,it was.

Kids don't need things but they love your time love and attention. It's harder in this weather but when you feel the urge to spend try doing something the sillier the better. Puddle jumping, snail rescuing anything where he can get dirty and be noisy and you two laugh. As it gets warmer a trip to the park and an ice cream. Snuggle on the sofa and really watch his favourite programme. That will mean so much more to him than new stuff. One of my lads favourite memories is when we had a massive box and I let him live in it for,a week. He ate, slept, cut a hole so he could watch tv. Took up most of the bloody living room and was a total pain but he still talks about it to this day

[winterwalks1]

I love the cardboard box idea! That's great. It sounds as if you have a wonderful relationship, that's lovely.

I think one issue, is we live in the US currently In very very cold place! Far colder than I've ever experienced in the UK. I think I buy more due to this as well. I hope the weather changes early this year.

[fairybaby]

Nixnjj, you post brought made me feel all emotional. Although I wish you and your son were not didn't have to deal with so much, he is developing a sensibility and an empathy that will serve hill well in life. I have a mother of hang-up from my tough childhood, most of it I could well do without but my I also have developed gifts that I truly treasure. Your son will be able to feel empathy and compassion. He will be understanding and intuitive. That will serve him well.

Often, the most impressive people I came across in life were the one that had overcome some kind of pain or life difficulty. You are teaching your son lesson in life, in a caring and raw way. In so many ways, he is one of the lucky one.