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Struggling with tantrums.(6 Posts)
After another disastrous Saturday, I am lying awake wondering if it is really possible to enjoy 'family time'. It's come as a bit of a surpirise, but I've just realised that I don't really enjoy the weekends and I now realise I focus on 'getting through it' rather than getting any enjoyment out of it. I can't tell if this is normal. I am pretty sure it's not.
I have a DS4 and a DD who is 6 months. Since the baby arrived, DS has been awful - whinging, tempers, fits of rage and upset. I feel like we are constantly on eggshells, waiting for the next blow up which normally ends up in a big argument. Going out is particularly awful, he seems to act up even more, he doesn't play nicely with other children and his behaviour makes it hard (I.e embarrasssing) to see friends.
I know that much of it is due to the baby's arrival, but it's slowly dawning on me that I don't really like being with my son - I prefer to be at work (though currently on mat leave), on my own, with DH or with the baby, in fact, just not with him. Weekends used to be something to look forward to, but now I feel like it is all about filling the time until he can go back to childcare. I feel bad about it but almost resigned to this being the way things are.
In particular, I struggle with his fits of rage. Any little thing can set it off and will suddenly be screaming, shouting, lashing out. How do I calm him down and cope with these situations, as I think they are one of the main reasons I don't really like being with my son right now :-(
I really think you should see a therapist. You don't like being around your son and he KNOWS it. The only real attention he's able to get from you is negative attention, and children will take what they can get. Child instinctively know when their mom is emotionally distant from them and it causes a huge amount of damage.
Can you spend some time with your son 1:1? He will get your full attention and you will have a lovely time as a result (he won't need to tantrum). It's a stage...he will come through it
Just to add, I found one of my twins really hard work when the baby arrived. It got better when the baby started playing with him and interacting
I've been struggling with dd's behaviour since dd2 arrived and I was recommended two books - the newbies guide to positive parenting and playful parenting. They've been really really helpful in helping me see that I'm (on the whole) the driver of her behaviour and a change how I respond can change the outcomes. I really recommend reading them - they're both available on kindle.
You may not be able to stop your son's tantrums right now, but you may be able to stop the way you react around them. Dd used to have quite impressive tantrums: I found distracting myself was an important part of riding it out. Anything from putting the kettle on to singing (aloud or in my head). If you focus on how dreadful his tantrums are, or how embarrassing, it's going to feel ten times worse for you and won't make him the slightest bit calmer. Distract, distract, distract- if you can't get through to him then distract yourself. This too shall pass.
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