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Is it normal not to enjoy the baby stage?

(18 Posts)
KitKat1985 Sat 14-Jan-17 11:09:39

Hi. I thought about name changing for this but then thought I'd just go with it. Sometimes I genuinely think I'm really odd. I've never really been into babies. I had my second DD a couple of months ago and I just don't enjoy this stage at all. I think looking back I also had PND with DD1 but couldn't accept this at the time, and I guess I'm just wondering if what I'm feeling is normal. I just find babies exhausting. The sound of a baby crying really shreds my nerves. I cope badly with the sleep deprivation and disturbed nights. I hate the fact that they often won't let you put them down for any length of time without crying, and the hours spent trying to settle them to sleep at night. I'm breast-feeding (in the main) but don't enjoy this either. I just feel like I'm constantly chained to baby feeding ad have so little freedom to just get some time to myself. Plus you just get so little back from them at this age. I think I must be really weird. All my friends love babies and I just don't get it or enjoy this stage at all. I'm so much happier when they are about a year old. Do other people feel like this?

sonlypuppyfat Sat 14-Jan-17 11:11:42

I've never really seen the appeal of babies, except my own!! I always said I wanted children and the baby bit was what you had to put up with to get the fun bit

gamerchick Sat 14-Jan-17 11:14:39

I'm the same OP, I mean the first year is just basically keeping them alive isn't it? Deadly dull.

Mine are older and much more interesting to be around but you have to put the time in. It doesn't last long in the grand scheme, just hang in there flowers

RosieThorn Sat 14-Jan-17 11:21:32

I think this is quite common, although not talked about much for fear of seeming 'odd' or 'not good enough'.
From my own experience I didn't have PND and although I bonded well with DS, loved him immensely and always took care of his needs, I did find it exhausting, coped badly with lack of sleep and sometimes resented not having any time to myself. I loved my son then and I love him now but in all honesty I am preferring toddlerhood to babyhood and I don't imagine I'm the only mother ever to feel that way.
If you feel comfortable doing so it might be worth having a chat with your Health Visitor or Doctor to check for possible PND, negative feelings are nothing to be ashamed of and plenty of new mothers have them. Do have a chat to someone if they overwhelm you and are interfering with how you care for yourself or your baby but please don't beat yourself up for having them.

SugarLoveHeart Sat 14-Jan-17 11:29:34

I think there's so much pressure now to be a "mummy". In our mother / grandmothers time women had babies & got on with it. It wasn't considered a fun thing to do! It's not easy, but you're doing your best. As for friends loving their babies, you love yours just as much! We don't get to see behind scenes of others' lives. I think all women find it tough.

ArseyTussle Sat 14-Jan-17 11:36:15

Oh god, small babies are horrendous. My sense of identity and my relationship were in tatters when DD was small, not helped by the fact she was a fucking awful baby who did nothing but cry when she was awake.

If DD could have been delivered age 3.10 (at which point she was still cute but had actually started sleeping) I'd have been delighted.

TheMasterNotMargarita Sat 14-Jan-17 11:36:15

I don't think it's uncommon either.
I don't mind it as I kind of just get on with it. It will pass and then they start doing things and develop more personality and you gradually get more freedom. Bits are good like seeing things 'click' for the first time but let's face it babies are not terribly interesting most of the time.
People love babies when they can hand them back and they don't have to deal with crying, pooping non-sleeping etc.
But some people love it. I guess it depends on the baby too. It's hard to enjoy if you have a high maintenence baby. It can be a hard slog.

Timetogrowup2016 Sat 14-Jan-17 12:01:06

Dd is 11 months and I still find it so bloody hard and boring.
Very normal op

MyBreadIsEggy Sat 14-Jan-17 12:05:47

Sounds pretty normal to me!
I enjoy the first 2 weeks or so....then the sleep deprivation hits.
DD is 20 months old now and the terrible 2's are starting with a vengeance, and DS is 12 weeks old. I find after around 4/5 months, babies get a bit more interesting blush

KitKat1985 Sat 14-Jan-17 12:11:26

Oh gosh I'm so pleased it's not just me. All my friends seem to love babies. I just don't get it or enjoy them at all.

HandsomeDevil Sat 14-Jan-17 12:11:31

i hate the small baby stage
i don't think I had PND, but I am someone who really, really needs my sleep, and I was utterly floored until the DC started sleeping for properly longer stretches. I don't even find tiny babies especially cute shock.

I MUCH prefer a lovely, funny, squishy toddler. For some reason I have a much higher tolerance for managing tantrums etc than for dealing with colic and posset. With DC2 I clearly remember thinking I just needed to keep grinding through the days until she would be one, and then we'd be fine.

MessyBun247 Sat 14-Jan-17 12:15:22

My DD2 turns 1 in just over a week. I havent enjoyed the baby stage with either of my DDs! Its just give, give, give and you get very little back. Its such an intense time, especially if you have a bottle refuser. Yes, babies are cute, but i find them pretty boring And all the crying and not knowing whats wrong with them plus disrupted sleep sad. Throw in the fact that DD2 hates the buggy/carseat/highchair, it has been a hard year!

MUCH prefer toddlers/older children. You can do so much more with them, they can communicate, it becomes really fun smile

DD2 has taken a few steps in the past couple of days and is starting to talk so finally seeing the light at the end of tunnel!

Some people cry on the childs 1st birthday, sad that the baby is getting bigger. I'll be crying tears of joy and having a celebratory drink for having survived the (IMO) hardest stage of parenting. Cheers!!wine

polkadotdelight Sat 14-Jan-17 12:17:32

What messy said, on DS's first birthday I hit to prosecco to celebrate us all surviving!

MessyBun247 Sat 14-Jan-17 12:17:37

And yes agree with pp, i think toddlers are a doddle, tantrums and all, compared to babies!

You arent alone OP.

fruityb Sat 14-Jan-17 12:28:00

I'm with you! I absolutely adore my DS and am loving every minute of having him. But I'm looking forward to him growing and being able to tell me what's wrong rather than dealing with the shrieking! Sleeping not so bad but it's hard work and never predictable!

He's my first and while I've lots of baby experience nothing prepares you for your own! The crying!

Famalam13 Sat 14-Jan-17 14:00:17

Same OP. DS is now nearing his first birthday and it is getting so much easier. Babies are dull and also manage to be very stressful. Tantrums don't affect me in the same way newborn crying does either smile

Introvertedbuthappy Sat 14-Jan-17 14:08:16

I feel exactly the same. I find it so strange when people (mainly women) lament their children gaining independence or growing up or wishing time would slow down or "do it all again". My DS1 is almost 8 and I can honestly never say that when it's just the two of us in a cafe reading our own thing for hours in comfortable silence that I ever think "aw, I wish you were screaming the cafe down right now or throwing food to the floor in a giant rage while I gulp down scalding hot coffee and try not to cry". Or that when we've finished chatting together at bed time and i say goodnight and he goes to sleep I never think "wow, I really wish I'd just had to spend 2 hours rocking you to sleep only to have you wake up screaming 2 hours later". I just don't get it. I get a lot of joy out of both my children's growing independence.

bookworm14 Sat 14-Jan-17 14:08:40

Totally normal. I enjoy DD (17m) so much more now she is a toddler. It's more fun when they start talking, playing with toys etc. The tantrums aren't great but I'd take them over sleep deprivation any day!

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