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Am I being unreasonable to think my daughter will forget me?

(19 Posts)
twirlywooo Thu 12-Jan-17 23:55:59

I have just returned to work after maternity leave and my 10 month old daughter (who I adore obviously) is going to nursery 3 days and to my mum 2 days whilst I work full time.

I am finding it hard and I am worried she will forget me or prefer my mum or her nursery worker to me or think they are her mummy.

I feel like she has not been as huggy with me and she cried once this week when my mum handed her to me when I picked her up.

Sorry for the rattling on.. just wondered if anyone has any experience or thoughts

Strokethefurrywall Fri 13-Jan-17 00:01:25

Very gently OP, she knows who her mum is. Both my DSs have been in daycare or with a helper since they were 4 months old and I was back at work full time.
They don't forget you even when they're 2 1/2 and have trailed you around the house bleating "mummy mummy mummy" at you all evening smile

As long as she is loved and cared for by those looking after her, you have absolutely nothing to worry about!

Strokethefurrywall Fri 13-Jan-17 00:03:40

It is horrible having to go back to work after mat leave but once you get into the swing of things and your DD settles, you will find that she will be perfectly happy being looked after by others.

Strokethefurrywall Fri 13-Jan-17 00:05:22

And of course she will return to being the huggy affectionate baby you're used to.
It's just the slight adjustment to her routine that has rattled her, not that she's getting confused as to who her mum is, I promise!

Aquamarine1029 Fri 13-Jan-17 03:13:06

Your baby loves you and will not ever forget you. Children go through all kinds of changes and periods of adjustment. Please don't worry. You're a great mom and your baby will always know who her mom is.

spacefrog35 Fri 13-Jan-17 04:57:52

My DD also started this week & has been crying when I collect her. One of the nursery workers said they all do it. It's because they're too little to process all the emotions (pleased to see you, excited to tell you what they've done, tired, hungry) so it all gets a bit confused for them.

She cries because you're her mum! You're her safe space where she can process stuff.

Hope you're finding work ok flowers

bushtailadventures Fri 13-Jan-17 05:52:37

Please don't worry, she will always know who her Mummy is. My granddaughter lives with us, with her Mum, and as much as she loves the rest of us, she knows who her Mummy is, and loves her as such.

I have worked as a childminder too, and although babies sometimes go through silly phases, they always revert in the end smile

waterrat Fri 13-Jan-17 07:23:04

Aw it's tough. She will always love you best snd definitely won't forget you but it's a big change for both of you.

If you are unhappy with the set up cpuld you change your days and work 4 days or is it impossible?

clarabellski Fri 13-Jan-17 14:25:08

I've been back at full time work for a month now and found it gets easier every day. Hang in there (but as others have said, don't be afraid to make a change if down the line its not working for you).

The worst thing for me so far is catching DS' cold on a Friday so that Saturday and Sunday I felt like death warmed up. When you only have those 2 full days with DS, its really frustrating to be sick. I'd rather have a cold during the week and infect all my lovely colleagues

Gillian1980 Fri 13-Jan-17 14:33:28

You're not being unreasonable - it's a very common and understandable worry.

However, your dd will definitely remember you and know you're her mummy.

I had the same concerns when my dd started nursery at 10 months but it's been fine 😊

Gillian1980 Fri 13-Jan-17 14:35:48

YY to what a previous poster said about them crying when you collect them. They've been fine all day then burst into tears when they see you - it's not a bad thing, it's just overwhelming for them.

cosytoaster Fri 13-Jan-17 14:42:08

Don't worry - I went back to work ft when DS1 was just 4 months old and he didn't forget me. Remember she would be changing anyway so don't assume any changes are just down to your working they could be natural developments. DS is 18 now and we have a great relationship.

snoopyokay Fri 13-Jan-17 15:00:25

She won't forget you as you're her Mum! I know how you feel though as my DH is a SAHD and when I get home from work sometimes she doesn't want me to hold her just him, I'm sure she'll grow out of it thoigh grin

ArcticMumkey Fri 13-Jan-17 15:06:57

I'm in the same boat OP, back working full time and my DD isn't settling very well. when I picked her up from nursery yesterday she burst into tears when she saw me, it honestly made me feel like she thought I wasn't coming back. it must be a big adjustment for them after so long with us. My plan is to work my exact hours and no more and make the weekends extra special!

Bluntness100 Fri 13-Jan-17 15:09:44

They don't forget you, mine was with a childminder from three months old, as I work full time. Trust me they know who their parents are. Don't worry. 😃

ElphabaTheGreen Fri 13-Jan-17 15:22:18

My face is doing this OP grin

Two DSs (4yo and 2yo) - both full time in nursery from 8mo, and I am, without question, person number one for both of them. I'm actually delighted when they're reluctant to come with me when I pick them up, because it shows me they are happy and settled and in the right place when I can't be with them.

It's hard with your first though, and when she's still so tiny - once she's able to express herself more, she will make it patently obvious that you are her favourite!

happy2bhomely Fri 13-Jan-17 15:37:16

I don't have experience of this but wanted to tell you something.

I have been a SAHM for over 16 years. I have 5DC that I have looked after full time until school age. I Home ed the 3 younger ones, so I spend all day, almost every day with them.

DH works 60 hour weeks and is lucky if he spends 1 hr a day total with them, 6 days of the week.

Our DC love us equally. They love him so much and have never considered him less of a parent for not spending as much time with them as I do.

When they were small, and breastfed, they did favour me slightly. But now they are all older there is no doubt that they consider us equal, and love us the same despite the fact that DH has actually had much, much less contact with them. Also, as they have got older they have a real appreciation of how hard DH works to provide for us all.

I know it's not the same, but I wanted you to know that children know who their parents are and don't judge us nearly as harshly as we judge ourselves.

twirlywooo Mon 16-Jan-17 00:06:42

Hi everyone
Sorry it has taken me so long to come back. I just wanted to say thank you so much for your lovely messages and stories. It truly helped me so much. flowersflowersflowers

WombOfOnesOwn Mon 16-Jan-17 00:52:36

I cried about this same thing when I went back to work. It seems completely silly in hindsight! You'll feel better about this soon, I promise, kids will show you their love.

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