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Parenthood 'myths'?

(47 Posts)
lifeisazebracrossing Thu 12-Jan-17 20:46:06

Just curious to hear what you expected/were told would be the case vs what actually happened when you became parents.

I understand that everybody will have different experiences but I'm fascinated by the idea that people give so much advice as 'fact' when surely some things are impossible to predict/different for others?

My personal experience:
-a baby will test your relationship (true to an extent but our relationship is definitely stronger now, which is a nice surprise!)
-you'll never eat a hot meal or sleep again (hope I'm not a bad parent for having done so every day - albeit one handed eating whilst feeding or two hour sleep stretches)
-babies don't give anything back (maybe for a few weeks...)
-etc etc etc

What are your experiences?

AmeliaJack Thu 12-Jan-17 20:50:55

I was told that I absolutely, definitely wouldn't be able to breast feed twins and that I shouldn't even try.

I was even told this by a member if staff in the maternity ward. angry

I ebf my two for nearly 18 months. I was bloody hard work to start with but it wasn't "impossible"

TwatteryFlowers Thu 12-Jan-17 20:59:47

I was told that you wouldn't sleep again. Both my dc have been very good sleepers on the whole, sleeping the whole night from a few weeks old and, as they got older and able to get out of their beds, being happy to play in their rooms on a morning so we didn't have to get up at a ridiculous time.

lifeisazebracrossing Thu 12-Jan-17 21:10:02

Oh, that's another one Amelia, breastfeeding! Everyone over 50 said, 'you're going to try, are you?' like it was an unlikely occurrence! Still going strong 6 months later. Glad you persevered!

53rdAndBird Thu 12-Jan-17 21:22:51

That car journeys are magic for getting babies to sleep, you just start driving and they zonk right out. DD stayed awake and howled like a werewolf.

Flip side: that the first few days/weeks/months with a newborn is total miserable hell. Mine was so much easier than being pregnant - I was so happy on the postnatal ward I was walking on air!

AmeliaJack Thu 12-Jan-17 21:23:45

People were quite oddly aggressive about it. I find that people like you to validate their own decisions.

I think I kept going through steer bloody mindedness! wink

lifeisazebracrossing Fri 13-Jan-17 10:12:42

53rd Yes! And 'just put them in the pram'. It took my DD 3 months to tolerate either and just regressed in the car (is 6 month car seat tolerance regression a thing?!) Ditto on the first few weeks too - was the easiest part (til she turned into an awake-all-day crazy baby)

lifeisazebracrossing Fri 13-Jan-17 10:17:14

Amelia That's horrible. I agree that it's to validate their opinions as I found out the ones who said it with me hadn't been able to breastfeed or had only done so for a few weeks. I can see why - the first 5 weeks were hard! I was determined too - only way to get through it.

MollyHuaCha Fri 13-Jan-17 10:20:15

I was eight and a half months pg and told by my mum, 'No need complaining that you are tired Molly, the real tiredness will start when DC arrives!'
What a load of codswallop.

Theweasleytwins Fri 13-Jan-17 10:28:30

I breastfed my twins until 11 months so that is wrong😋
someone told me breastfed babies don't need to be winded confused um yes they do!

Theweasleytwins Fri 13-Jan-17 10:28:32

I breastfed my twins until 11 months so that is wrong😋
someone told me breastfed babies don't need to be winded confused um yes they do!

fruityb Fri 13-Jan-17 10:34:16

You'll be tired beyond belief - actually DS is a good sleeper and napper and since I slept appallingly when pregnant it's been a pleasure since!

It'll test your relationship - another one of these. I would say we've been tetchy tired at times but tag team with him quite well. And we're closer than we've ever been.

You'll spend hours rocking them - again not needed as he just loves a cuddle and crashes out easily.

You'll never have a hot drink again - I don't know if this says anything about me but I always get my drink lol. Eating when he was newborn was another thing but I always got my drink!

You'll pay less attention to you - I actually have far more confidence in me in many ways since I had DS. Body wise I'm much better weirdly. I think it's because my body went through so much and I've been prodded and poked so much that I just don't care anymore. Which is a massive deal! I feel happier in clothes, wear stuff I wouldn't have before and feel great. I slimmed (if you can call it that) down quite well and as much as I'm not the same as I was thanks to a wobbly tummy and wider hips I can get in pre baby jeans and have learned to tuck my tummy in lol. And I always make sure I do my hair and make up which DS watches me do or naps through every day.

Adriansapple Fri 13-Jan-17 10:39:57

When I was pregnant, I constantly got the 'get your sleep in while you can' it really got on my nerves, obviously i knew babies didnt sleep well im not an idiot. When ds was born, he just would not sleep in his moses basket, id bf him to sleep he would be flat out and the minute I put him down he was wide awake. For the first 3 weeks I was truely exhausted, I was so against co sleeping but I relented and we now co sleep with the most perfect sleeper. Now I get the 'you're making a rod for your own back' and most recently from health visitor 'you do know your ds IS MORE LIKELY TO DIE' wtf??

lifeisazebracrossing Fri 13-Jan-17 12:48:18

Yep, pregnancy was defo more tiring for me too. Aside from very little sleep during early labour and time I was in hospital, I have slept really well (in bursts) since!

What about 'you'll come to work for a break'? Um, work is more stressful (and, in turn, tiring) than this and my baby is fairly high maintenance!

I also thought I'd be really overweight all my mum has said while I've kept my figure into my thirties is 'wait til you have kids' - I'm my usual(ish) size thanks to BF.

lifeisazebracrossing Fri 13-Jan-17 12:51:28

Adrian I too cosleep and didn't think I would. WTF is the HV telling you that for?? It's also not true if you look at research! Have you read the LLL sleep book? It's really good. And Dr Sears' books. All very reassuring regarding cosleeping/attachment parenting AKA what people have been doing for centuries!

Batteriesallgone Fri 13-Jan-17 12:54:13

You lot all seem to gotten easy babies! wink

It's almost the reverse for me - people kept telling me babies respond to how they are parented and if I wasn't stressy and anxious I'd get an easy baby.

Then DD came and she screamed all the time and I felt like it was my fault. Plus the guilt stopped me enjoying DD for herself. Bastards.

The advice I like to give nowadays is parent the child you have, not the one you read about or someone else thinks you ought to have!

Soubriquet Fri 13-Jan-17 12:59:59

"Babies are portable"

No..SOME babies are portable

Others need their routine and cot. Not pram and walks

lifeisazebracrossing Fri 13-Jan-17 13:18:54

Batteries Defo not an easy baby here!! But I just accept her how she is and deal with it. It really annoys me that people have outdated ideas of 'spoiling' and causing behaviour through parenting...but they'll in the same breath tell you of their 'problem child' confused I've been fairly lucky since having her in that people know me well enough to keep their opinions to themselves largely! Support is always more welcome than criticism, eh?

fruityb Fri 13-Jan-17 14:12:51

Oh my DS can be moany and complain a lot and sometimes he drives me mad - I've had to leave him in another room while I chilled out. He's nearly five months and I know this won't last forever - once he knows other ways of telling me! But I didn't come into this knowing it'd be easy. Everyone said as his mum you'll know - but I don't. There are times he kicks off and I have no idea and everything I try doesn't work. As a mum you don't know but you know what to try! And if all else fails you know eventually they will tire lol.

FormerlyFrikadela01 Fri 13-Jan-17 14:25:21

So many

Our relationship is different than. We definitely bicker more but that's mostly from tiredness. I'd say we are as strong as we've ever been, if not stronger.

I can think of only a handful of times when I let my drink or tea go cold and that is usually when DS has been poorly.

Formula fed babies are easy to get into a routine and will sleep through the night..... No one told my DS that. He still wakes during the night and his feeding pattern is all over the place even at nearly 7 months.

I'm sick of people saying "sleep when he sleeps". My DS just refuses to nap longer than. 20 minutes at a time and that's whilst been cuddled and rocked.

Not a myth so much but something I feel very guilty admitting is that I sometimes find my DS incredibly boring and tedious. If I'm in all day with him he wants interacting with for most of the day and there's only so many times I can do wind a bobbin up before I just want him to play on his playgym and let me do my own thing. It's clear I'm not of the right temperament to be a sahm.

clarabellski Fri 13-Jan-17 14:26:49

"Life will never be the same again" usually with some sort of sinister voice and waggling of figures

Yes, life is not the same, but its not that drastically different and I'm now wondering why I didn't have DS years ago!

FormerlyFrikadela01 Fri 13-Jan-17 14:27:52

Everyone said as his mum you'll know - but I don't. There are times he kicks off and I have no idea and everything I try doesn't work.

Can so relate to this. Sometimes DS just screams blue murder and nothing will help. He eventually just gets tired of screaming but I hate it when it happens around other people because I feel like I should know what's wrong.

fruityb Fri 13-Jan-17 14:40:28

formerly I tend to just say "I don't know what's going on so you might want to stick your fingers in your ears!" DS can scream like a banshee but I have to say when he smiles when he sees me it makes up for it. It can feel like forever when he goes but actually it can be five minutes! I find shushing and bobbing around makes me feel better and eventually the little spud gives in!

FormerlyFrikadela01 Fri 13-Jan-17 14:52:18

So agree that 5 minutes can feel like forever. DS really does have an ear splitting screams which I think makes it feel worse. I usually just tell people they're welcome to try settle him if they think they know best.... Funnily enough most people decline that offer grin

fruityb Fri 13-Jan-17 15:11:01

My DS is currently in the throes of his three pm meltdown. Doesn't matter what time he eats or anything three pm he's a scream machine daily!

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