Longest toddler tantrum ever?

[Tallblue]

Took 2 year old DD on a trip to IKEA this morning. She was very well behaved and enjoyed sitting in the trolley and then getting a little ice cream afterwards. I think she enjoyed spending some time with me alone, as we left her new little brother (2 months old) at home with DH.

All going swimmingly until we get home, park on the front drive and she refuses to get out of her car seat. After much cajoling, negotiation and hell, even bribery, she was still refusing. I ended up lifting her out of the car and carrying her indoors screaming. That was 50 minutes ago and it continues. Not just a whinge but full on, force ten screaming. I am not sure where she gets the energy. Have tried everything I can think of to get her to stop. Have now retreated upstairs and DH is trying to calm her down.

Does anyone else have a toddler with similar screaming stamina and if so, how do you stop it? It's like once she gets started she doesn't know how to stop!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Has she stopped yet?

[Tallblue]

She stopped at around the one hour mark. I think she was just physically tired out in the end, as she fell asleep soon afterwards.

Genuinely interested to know any techniques people use to distract and somehow bring an end to these types of extreme toddler tantrums.

[Iambubbles86]

2 hr tantrums including head banging from nt 2year old were quite frequent. Thankfully he has stopped those now he's 3 but my god they were awful. My HV never ever answered their phones (always a voicemail) but once when I called when he was mid tantrum and I was lost what to do they picked up the phone mid message as they heard how distressed I was.

What worked in the end was getting close and calmly saying that I loved him, I understood how frustrated he was and that I would be round the corner ready for a cuddle when he felt he was ready. Seemed to get through to him and he would just take his frustration out then cone have a nice long cuddle when he had calmed. I found being visible and trying to distract just made then last longer and get worse.

[UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea]

If she was safe and it was just a tantrum I would walk away and ignore . Maybe do something really interesting in another room that she could hear and choose to join in with.

Disclaimer: my DD's tantrums usually blew themselves out in a few minutes.

[Iambubbles86]

unexpected put it a lot more succinctly than me. Ensure safety, reassure her that you love her and to come get you when she's ready (she won't act like she hears you but I guarantee she will) then go out of sight nearby and do something else

[isthistoonosy]

Mine like this, she is much worse than her brother was (his main tantrum age was 1 so easy to distract).
The best way to deal with the 2yr olds is to work out what the problem is (she doesn't really speak so we have to go through yes no questions) and then explain why she cant have/do x or when she can have/do x. So tonight she screamed all through getting ready for bed, we worked put she wanted to.colour so explained first story, then sleep, them.colouring and she was fine with that.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Agree with others, I've never tried to distract, if other family members have it's always seemed to feed the tantrum, not calm it.

Agree with letting them know you're up for a cuddle when they're ready but being firm that tantrumming will not change anything, making sure you can keep an eye on them by maybe leaving a door open and walking away.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

This is a good article too .

[Spottyladybird]

My DD is three and still has occasional tantrums (worse at the moment as we have a new baby).

We've found if we recognise her feelings that helps so i say 'I understand you're feeling cross because you can't have chocolate buttons (!). Chocolate buttons are for treats, if you're hungry you can have a banana. If you need a cuddle mummy is here.' And then i disengage. We will now talk about it when she's calm and talk about her feelings more as I feel it's important to recognise them and for her to understand why she's reacting like that.

[Tallblue]

Thanks all. I'll try some of the approaches suggested. I'm reaching the point where I dread going out as the meltdowns are so hard to handle.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Is it because she trantrums when you get back or because you feel uncomrtsble when she tantrums in public?

[Frazzled2207]

We've found 1h to be the maximum time but 45 minutes is very common. However he only started this tantrum phase about 3 months and already he's a lot better(less frequent incidents).
Knows that he gets a cuddle when he's ready but in the meantime he mostly gets ignored

[Doglikeafox]

I also think that unless you believed her to be in danger, I would walk away from a tantrum like that.
My general way of dealing with my mindee's tantrums is
-ask them to do something (e.g. put coat on)
-explain why they need to do it (e.g. they will get cold)
-ask them again (e.g. please put it on so that we can go out to the park)
-tell them what will happen if they don't (in your case, physically bring her inside, in my case, she will have to take her shoes off and go back inside) -do whatever you said you would do and ignore all behavior that ensues.
IME the longer you hang around, and especially the longer you try and talk her out of it, the longer it will take. Screaming by herself with no audience completely removes her objective, so she will quickly tire and come to investigate what you are doing. If she does seem particularly distressed, I would get down on her level and explain to her that when she has stopped kicking/screaming/put her coat on etc she can come for cuddles and go to the park, but I would only do that once, and would continue to ignore until she came to me for comfort or did as I asked.

[Tallblue]

Thanks all.

We had a massive tantrum whilst out in the park today and it took 3 adults (holding arms, legs and swing) to get DD out of the bucket-style swing when it was time to go home. She was clinging on with arms and legs and screaming. I know it's 'normal' toddler behaviour but I don't seem to observe others having such extreme episodes.

It seems to be worst when we are moving between one activity and another. If the change of activity isn't her choice (e.g going home) DD gets extremely angry/frustrated.

This is definitely work in progress....

[Coffeelover56]

Aww bless her do you think she's struggling with the new baby being around?

[Spottyladybird]

We often have tantrums at going home time especially when leaving friends houses etc. It's really hard but I just lift her and carry her out. Usually once she's out of the situation she calms completely.

I think it's really hard for them to control their emotions when they're this age and when things are out of their control/not their choice and especially if they're tired a tantrum can be the only way.

[3rdrockfromthesun]

Ummm if she is having tantrums when moving from one activity to another - are you giving her a five minute warning that you are going/ stop doing what she is doing? I find it works really well as it gives them time to know what is happening