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I dread baby/toddler groups

(18 Posts)
justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Wed 04-Jan-17 18:25:10

Anyone else the same?

Trying to get out more with my 2 DDs and the easiest places and most fun for them are the places I dread.

I go to baby ballet and a soft play area which I like as they are parent participation but I'm going to force myself to go to two baby groups which are very much "parents/guardians can sit with a cuppa and talk to others". My worst nightmare tbh! Doubt I can enjoy a cuppa with a 2yo and 5mo anyway! I find it hard to include myself in conversations. I'm okay with others that aren't currently involved in chatting but I don't know. I just don't find it comfortable at all! I'm very honest with my struggles but still feel I have to seem upbeat and positive.

Anyone else hate them? Maybe if others feel the same it might help me get over it and get on with it!

FizzBombBathTime Wed 04-Jan-17 18:26:52

It's not my sort of thing so I have never even bothered doing it.

Why make yourself go if you hate it? confused

Blossomdeary Wed 04-Jan-17 18:30:00

Why would you do it if you don't want to? - it is not obligatory.

I should think "baby ballet" would be enough for anyone!

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Wed 04-Jan-17 18:38:25

If I stay indoors I tend to get distracted by chores and my phone but if I head out I feel I'm doing better for my toddler I guess. Plus it knackers her out so is more likely to have a decent nap.

I can't think of anything else outdoors to do. I find parks difficult on my own as 5mo DD is particularly fussy atm and doesnt care for slings which means I can help my toddler in the park as much and she tends to run towards the big kids slides etc.

Shopping and coffee is a no go now terrible twos have hit.

Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself.

We do have a couple of fields nearby which we can run about on and take a ball but I don't want to do that every other day.

Oly5 Wed 04-Jan-17 18:40:34

I always hated them too but the kids loved them so I persevered. Never made any real friends at them though!

Coconut0il Wed 04-Jan-17 18:40:46

Didn't go to a single group with DS1. He was happy to potter around doing whatever I did. I've made myself go to some with DS2 as he wants to be on the go all the time. I've been to a few and hated them, gave them 2 visits but won't go back but I've found a couple that I do like.
Maybe just try a few till you find one you like?

museumum Wed 04-Jan-17 18:42:56

I like "parents sit and try to relax" groups but if you don't then go to things like singalong at the library or any music class or sensory stuff.

JeepersMcoy Wed 04-Jan-17 18:46:11

I hated them all. For a couple of months I dutifully went along to our local ones, but then realised they were just not for me so stopped. DH never did them either when he was at home with dd. We found plenty of ways to occupy DD without them and it has done her no harm at all. I really think they are more for the parents than the children, so if you aren't enjoying them there is really no benefit in going.

EsmesBees Wed 04-Jan-17 18:46:13

You could just go and not bother with the small talk? There are often parents with their heads in books/phones at the play groups we go to.

Alternatively, fake it til you make it. Pick someone who looks friendly and launch into a conversation with them. Parents love to talk about their kids: oh those boots are adorable, where did you get them etc etc.

pklme Wed 04-Jan-17 18:50:26

It's good for the children as they get a wider range of experiences and learn to socialise. If you follow your two year old around a lot, whoever organises the playgroup will love you and you won't need to chat too much to other parents until you know them quite well. You end up playing with your LO and any others that join in, then the parents join in or at least feel as if they know you and it all gets easier.

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Wed 04-Jan-17 19:16:21

Yes true. Thanks for the replies. Going to stick with it. Found the new baby groups online with sparkling reviews so hoping they live up to the hype!

I think both DD1 and I feel better for it. We get fresh air and I feel DD1 is getting more from them than what she necessarily would at home especially as she is currently not in nursery.

Also glad to hear that others feel the same!

Shootingstar2289 Wed 04-Jan-17 19:17:23

Yes, I hate them. My local group is extremely clicky and bitchy. I've only been a couple times and don't really want to go back again despite the fact my daughter needs to socialise.
The group also has a Facebook page to update parents on dates etc but there is always arguments on it over something daft. So I removed myself!

I lived in a different area when my 5yo son was little. He always acted 'different' so other parents would look at me in disgust. He has Autism and people just didn't understand. It put me off taking my daughter but the groups are just as bad!

You're not alone. Absolutely hate them.

divadee Thu 05-Jan-17 09:05:05

It seems they haven't changed in the 19 years since my first daughter. Now pregnant again and I have vowed not to step foot in a mum and baby group. I can't deal with the bitchy, bragging, clicky groups that come out of them. 'No your child wasn't walking and talking in sentences at 3 months you stupid cow' is what I had to stop myself from shouting most weeks.

Glitterous Thu 05-Jan-17 12:12:08

Try out as many as you can, you might find one that works for you. I prefer structured groups (I go to rhyme time every week) as I'm not such a Billy no mates then. I attend a great group that had half an hour of singing, stories and instruments then free play (and free cake and coffee). I can then play with dd for half an hour alone if needs be but there's usually another parent I can chat to.

I also take dd to another group that I don't particularly like, clichéd cliques and unfriendlyness, but I take dd most weeks as it's nearby, cheap and in a huge hall with ride on toys that I don't have space for. I'm quite happy sipping away at a tea alone and surfing Mn whilst dd runs around for an hour and a half.

Childrose Fri 06-Jan-17 04:35:08

I tried really hard to go to them
But I was always feeling like I didn't belong there and after 4-5 times I gave up and went to soft plays and meet up with friends kids
No harm done

Alorsmum Fri 06-Jan-17 05:54:34

How about asking a friendly mum at baby ballet if she goes to any toddler groups then you have a ready made someone to say hi to.

Mol1628 Fri 06-Jan-17 06:07:17

I hate them too. But I don't have any proper friends with children so I made myself go.

If I talk honestly with other parents a lot of them feel the same. Just trying to get through the day.

LadyMarmyLard Fri 06-Jan-17 08:12:44

Yes I hate them but I go to them all the time for my DDs sake because I think they're good for her to socialise and tire out.

The thing I hate the most is the small talk. Always the same- how old is your little one? Those clothes/shoes/hair is nice... blah blah blah
Why does no one ever say- well this is a bit shit isn't it? Or I wish they'd serve wine at these groups? Or even just talk about something that isn't children?!

I'd go to them but maybe if you keep going to the same ones over and over you become a familiar face. See like a job, you don't choose to go, you don't choose your colleagues but you gotta do it. Then go home and have a big cup of tea and chill out.

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