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DD 15 locked herself in bathroom at school crying refusing to go to class

(5 Posts)
Nelluc Wed 04-Jan-17 12:04:35

DD 15 is having 'panic attacks' at school. She will screw up test papers and stab books with pens when she gets a bad score or doesn't know the answer to a question in a test. I got a call from the school before Christmas to say that she had locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn't come out. By the time I got there they had coaxed her out. I took her home and kept her off school until this week when she returned. First class back she did the same thing and spent an hour in the bathroom and missed Maths. She said she was upset because her friends had moved to a higher class and she didn't score high enough in the test to join them.
It seems that when things don't go her way she goes berserk. This rarely happens at home. She is very creative, popular, and until recently high achieving. I have brought her to a child Psychologist who could find no explanation in her past for her current behaviour. She has refused to practice Mindfulness as recommended by the Psychologist. I am at my wit's end and have confiscated her mobile phone and warned her to stay in class as I am concerned that her very understanding school will eventually suspend her. Any advice much appreciated.

alltouchedout Wed 04-Jan-17 12:08:28

Have the school tried to get her seen by an Ed Psych? What's their plan, other than being understanding and coaxing her out of bathrooms? Was the child psych you saw private or through CAMHS? When you told them she wouldn't practice mindfulness, what else did they suggest?

This must be hard for you both. She sounds distressed, not defiant, though. Discipline based approaches rarely work when someone is in distress.

Wolfiefan Wed 04-Jan-17 12:13:53

I'm not sure taking the phone is a great idea. What if she gets really upset and runs off somewhere?
School needs to help her come up with coping strategies for when she feels like this. A place to go, stress toys, someone to talk to, counselling, mindfulness in school,
It sound like she is setting herself very high standards and can't deal with it when she can't meet those.

Nelluc Wed 04-Jan-17 12:19:47

Thanks, was wondering whether confiscating the phone was the right approach. I agree too that she is setting herself very high standards - almost a perfectionist. Child psych private - she lied to him and told him she was practicing it.

Dudess Wed 04-Jan-17 19:27:58

Sadly, peer pressure, often inadvertently, can really affect teenagers during their GCSE years. What does your daughter enjoy doing? Has the school supported her for possible dyslexia/dyscalcula? Is your daughter is struggling to read words /numbers because they shift around on the page? Keep questioning school to determine how your daughter is being helped.

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