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Finding things hard or is it that I just need to buck up?

(10 Posts)
Sunnydays8912 Tue 03-Jan-17 13:45:23

Not sure what answers I expect but I'm just going to say how I'm currently feeling and see what you lot think...

I am a SAHM to 3 toddler aged children. I only work 3-4 hours a week when they're in bed anyway for both financial and personal reasons so dont really class myself as a working mum. I did work more when I had only one child and the first child went to nursery but this time I'm looking after them them at home with me till the youngest two (twins) go to pre school at 2.5. I feel differently to the first child this time and feel I don't want them to be in nursery aside from the fact it's not financially possible. I would however use a childminder if I were in a position where I had to go to work before they reach 2.5.

Currently tho I've been feeling quite lonely and lacking adult time. it's just very hard work all the time with no let up. Everything feels a mission, I have a double buggy which makes some shops hard and some shops impossible, people stare, tutt and comment if I'm walking in their way with the buggy which if I'm feeling a bit low anyway that gets me down.

Mum friends with one child just do not get it. They don't understand I can't go to the park because I can't watch 3 kids running in different directions and chat at the same time, I can't do mum and baby exercise classes because I've got more than one baby. Playgroups are fine and I do attend these. Getting out the house is a mission dressing 3 children who don't want to get dressed plus myself. I'm under 30 so often I get the 'oh have you not got a TV' type remarks too.

We try to get out everyday but I don't have much support to help whilst out because all my family work full time.

I hate the thought that I'm feeling sorry for myself because that is just not me and for the most part I do thoroughly enjoy my life, afterall it is my choice not to work and look after them all, the same as it was our choice to have children close together albeit we didn't know we would have twins second time round.

So I guess what I'm asking is do others feel the same struggle or do I need to buck up a bit and adjust my thinking about all this.

Thanks x

Chattycat78 Tue 03-Jan-17 14:42:54

Hearing you. Don't feel bad about finding everything a mission- it is one! What's the age gap between the eldest and the twins?

I have 2 under 2 so not 3 but I do understand! In actual fact it should have been 3 because the youngest was a twin but we lost the second baby (sorry - digressing...).

I find it hard to get out too and what the toddler wants often clashes with what the baby wants. The main thing I do is toddler groups with the baby in a sling. I also get the loneliness- I'm in a new area too so have struggled meeting other mums. I must admit, I try to get out every day but I find it very hard on the days when there are no toddler groups locally! I don't have any help either from family although my toddler goes to nursery 2 days a week - I appreciate this isn't affordable for everyone.

Hang in there- I'm sure you're doing a great job and I think it's common to feel overwhelmed by it all.

minipie Tue 03-Jan-17 15:02:02

I think with 3 toddlers you are amazing for coping at all!

It sounds like you feel bad that you're not loving it?

I think it's ok to admit that it's a hard work phase of life and you're not enjoying it a lot of the time. There's too much pressure from mummy blogs and instagram etc to be "loving every second", having "precious moments", reality isn't like that for most people especially with multiple small children.

In your shoes I would stop feeling bad about not enjoying it, and just accept that the next year or so will be mostly survival mode, with some fun moments. Instead I would focus on the future and the lovely things I could do when they are all a bit older.

Brighteyes27 Tue 03-Jan-17 15:06:34

Sunny days I echo what chatty cat says. I am sure you are doing a brilliant job but it is not easy and often the special moments are few and far between compared to the mundane stress and often thankless task of looking after young babies/toddlers for hours on end. I had no help, DH worked long hours and I had two 13 months apart it was kind of worse than having twin babies in a way plus I was 38 and 39 with an underactive thyroid and anaemia so I felt exhausted all of the time. If it's any consolation it did get slightly easier when my youngest got to 16.5 months and they were great playmates and entertained each other and others. I went back to work part time 2.5 days a week for my sanity. It was a hard decision and I felt guilty as I didn't want to leave them and I worked for practically nothing the first year but I felt a better mum when I was with them and I enjoyed being part of the adult world part time, if that makes sense. Plus I enjoyed and appreciated simple things at work like drinking a cup before it was stone cold, going for a wee on my own and walking about on my own standing fully upright (without carrying someone' and or bending down to hold someone's hand etc).
My children are at Secondary School now and are both very sociable and I got promoted and didn't have too much time out of the labour market. As I was older I may have struggled to get back into it if I had had 5 or 6 years out of it. Hang in their lower house work standards, don't be too hard on yourself and enjoy the simple things my two loved cuddling up and watching a film from a very early age. Or a walk collecting leaves etc.

Sunnydays8912 Tue 03-Jan-17 15:51:34

Thank you for replying. It's nice to know it's not just me. Some days i find myself checking my phone every 10 minutes for some sort of interaction and then it's all catch 22 anyway because I feel bad for finding it hard and then I feel bad for wanting to work instead so don't think I actually could do it. I also feel like I'm becoming a 'boring mum' with not much to discuss apart from the children and working parents seem to be having the best of both worlds however... I expect there are many that look at me and think how lucky I am to be able to stay at home with my girls. Older one is 3 and twins are 1.5 x

albertcampionscat Tue 03-Jan-17 17:08:59

You're a SAHM to a three year old and two 18 month olds? Of course you're bloody finding it hard! Have you any idea how impressive it is that you're coping as well as you are?

Sunnydays8912 Tue 03-Jan-17 22:25:42

Thank you albert that's very kind. The other reason I feel bad for finding it a struggle is because it is a situation that almost never was so I feel I should be nothing but grateful. One of my twins nearly died at birth and fought for the first 6 weeks having numerous surgeries so I do feel extremely lucky and blessed x

albertcampionscat Tue 03-Jan-17 23:15:06

Yes, you are lucky, but you'd have been a damn sight more lucky if your twins had both been healthy from the start. You've been through a huge trauma and then been given a tough (if hugely rewarding) job. It's fine to complain about it, it'd be downright weird if you didn't sometimes feel overwhelmed.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme Tue 03-Jan-17 23:20:54

I have a 4yo and an 18mo and I am exhausted most of the time too!! My 18mo is feral but my 4yo is pretty sensible... what it must be like looking after 2 times the feral one PLUS a younger older one (iyswim) I can't imagine!

It won't be forever, and when friends are reliving the sleepless nights with new babies and older ones in school you can smile that that part is behind you 😊

BearGryllsHasaBigRope Tue 03-Jan-17 23:48:42

You sound pretty amazing to be honest, 2 x18 month olds must be quite something, and you've got an older one in the mix too!
I've got a 5yo, a 19mo and a 2mo and I'm finding it tough going. It's pretty relentless with three because it's very rare that they're all content. But this stage does pass fairly quickly, and I try to remind myself that one day I'll look back and miss these times. It's hard but it's not forever.

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