Lonely and unhappy following birth of first child

[janniemac]

My husband drives me mad, spends his days golfing and evenings watching football, darts, football news. Give me and my son no love and attention, feel so unhappy!

[OhWellNeverMindEh]

Firstly, congratulations on the baby!

It's quite normal to feel sensitised to everything and everyone else's behaviour when you have a newborn. my DH carried on pretty much as he always had after our firstborn, it never bothered me before but all of a sudden I was lumbered with ALL the work.

I wish I'd spoken to him about how I'd felt instead of carrying on being a martyr silent stropper - he had no clue and needed it spelling out to him.

I'm not saying that this is going on here but could you try having a heart to heart with him?

I feel for you.

[BotBotticelli]

Speak to him - tell him how you feel.

It took a good few months for my dh to fully grasp just how much my life had changed forever when ds1 was born. It wasn't the same seismic change for him: after 2 weeks pat leave he went back to work and carried on as normal.

Whereas I was stuck in a 2nd floor flat with no lift in the coldest winter on record wit a colicky baby who cried all day and slept in 90 min blocks all night interspersed with screaming. My nipples were in shreds, my figure was ruined forever (so I thought!) and I got pretty bad PND.

I had to really spell out to DH that when he came home from work the baby was his repoansobiliry for a few hours so I could have a bath, read a book or whatever. Be a normal human again for a wee while.

Formula feeding helped us a lot in the end because we could share the feeds.

Also it's worth noting that this really intense bit only lasts a short time whilst your baby is newborn. She/he will become more settled as she/he gets older. And will be less draining for you.

But in the meantime your DP needs to step up.

We had DS2 last year and DH asked me if it would be ok if he trained for a marathon in the months immediately after the baby's born which would have meant hours out in the evenings and st weekends, going for long runs when I was exhausted having had both kids all week.
I said - politely! - NO!

There'll be plenty of other years in his life to run marathons/play golf or whatever. Wen you have a young baby he really needs to focus on his family and take the load from you in his spare time.

[Sahhhhh]

Why is he not doing anything? Why are you doing everything?

If you don't speak up of course he will carry on with his relaxing life

Don't have any more babies with him until he gets his act together

[surfer188]

Thanks for your lovely and thoughtful replys, I probably have had a baby with the wrong man but still I'm lucky to have s gorgeous baby who I will try to enjoy. Living in anew country with no friends doesn't help! I'll see how I get on over the next couple of weeks.