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Parenting

Dd1 and dp

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DeleteOrDecay · 02/01/2017 19:15

We have two dd's aged 4 and 18months. Eldest dd is definitely a 'mummy's girl' she frequently comes to me for cuddles and says 'l love you' multiple times a day, if she's hurt she will want me rather than dp, sometimes screaming at dp that she wants mummy not him.

She is a lot less affectionate with dp, doesn't tell him she loves him and doesn't come to him for cuddles as much and refuses cuddles from him a lot more than she does me. He does spend time with her and I actively encourage her to go to daddy for things if I am busy with something else as I want them both to see him as someone they can turn to too as well as me, both for their benefit, dp's benefit and mine so it doesn't all fall on my shoulders iykwim.

We try not to make a huge issue of it, as I feel that would exacerbate the situation, (I.e making her more likely to refuse affection to him because she gets 'attention' for it) and we are hoping that this is something that will change over time. But dp does feel hurt by it and does take it personally sometimes even though we know it's not 'personal'. We have had chats with her before about how it is hurtful to daddy when she tells him she doesn't like or love him (obviously not true and said by her for effect) and that it's not very nice to say those things about people.

For context he works full time (39hrs so it's not like he's never here) and I'm a sahm so I guess dc see me as 'primary care giver' as obviously I am around them more and do the majority of the child related stuff, but he does make an effort to spend time with him when he is home - he 'plays' with them more than I do even though he works, for example.

Just wondering if anyone else has a similar situation and how they dealt with it? I'm thinking maybe dp and dd1 could do with some 1on1 time without me or dd2 as that is something they haven't done for a while and that would help their relationship grow, but I'm not sure what else we can do or even if we are approaching this correctly in the first place so any advice would be helpful.