How do I rescue this evening?

[Peopleplease]

Already have DD 3.5 and just had DD2 - she's 4 days old today. DD1 has been brilliant with her but this evening her behaviour has gotten really bad with shouting and stomping and just general tantrums.
Have sent her to time out (several times) but it's just descended into a spiral of DD being naughty over and over.

DH over reacts to her sometimes - tonight she was asking for a specific drink over and over. Instead of warning her of the consequences he just told her no drink. No warning that if she kept asking then there'd be no drink.

She will not behave in time out. Keeps talking and asking to come out. It breaks my heart to hear her saying/crying "mommy I said sorry". I tell her she can't come back yet - if I ignore her she keeps edging her way into the room.

Help

[Peopleplease]

I know we need to work on consistency but right now I want to break the cycle of shouting.

[periwinklepickspoppies]

Don't send her out of the room for time out, get her to come and sit on your knee and have a cuddle for the same amount of time. She needs your attention. I used to do this with my DD, it worked far, far better than a traditional time out would have done.
Good luck and congrats on having your baby.

[trilbydoll]

Can everyone apologise and start again with a clean slate? You can apologise for shouting or something similar, DH for not warning her re the drink and she can apologise for tantrumming. Deep breaths count to 10 everyone calms down. Doesn't always work but dd1 apologises much more readily if we do!

[reallyanotherone]

She's 3.5 and has a 4 day old sister. Her world has changed and she's probably playing up to make sure you notice her. Especially if you've had lots of visitors and the baby gets lots of attnetion.

I distinctly remember thinking "but what about me" when my sister was born. Huge fuss over a baby that did nothing, when I was far more interesting and could actually talk to people, but they wanted to talk to the baby and i got no more than a passing comment.

Give her a break. Cuddle up with tv and some snacks and put her to bed when she's ready.

[dataandspot]

This is so easy to say when you are not in the thick of it but I wouldn't be too harsh. A new baby means her worlds been turned upside down.

I second the cuddle instead of time out.

[reallyanotherone]

Oh yes, time oit probably not the best as you are excluding her from yoir family when she's already worried about her place with the new baby. Include her.

[Peppapogstillonaloop]

Chill out with the discipline just for now. I like the pp idea of apologies all round and start again. It's not a battle you have to win right now..her whole world is altered and she just wants your attention. Have a cuddle stick something she likes on the telly and out her to bed with a Nice story. Don't worry about this as rewarding a tantrum or anything like that, just focus on positive relationship with her

[beela]

I would take a deep breath, go and give her a cuddle and say 'it's all gone a bit wrong, shall we start again?' and have a little chat about what the problem was.

Congratulations on your new baby btw

[5moreminutes]

I found that when I had a newborn any bad behaviour was best ignored unless actually dangerous (cue DC1 working out quickly that she should stand on the windowsill shouting "look mummy I'm being naughty! I might fall!" every time I breastfed DC2 once DH had gone back to work I couldn't decide whether to laugh, panic, or ignore as she was only just 2...

Don't frazzle yourself with time out but also cut her some slack - her world has shifted. Ignore bad, praise good, relax a bit about which drink she's asking for unless it's gin...

Btw by DC3 you'll be sending 3 yo DC2 to get you a drink (Luke warm water in a plastic beaker is wonderful when you're stuck cluster feeding) not expecting a 3 year old to ask when they could help themselves to water in a plastic beaker...

[esiotrot2015]

definitely now is the right time to use the phrase choose your battles, you'll all be exhausted and overwhelmed wih such a new baby in the household

congratulations by the way , how lovely a Christmas week baby!

[beela]

Loads of cross posts

[OneWithTheForce]

Time out doesn't work IME. It makes children angry and is counter productive.

Sounds like a cliche but everyone (the adults) need to take a step back, lots of deep breaths and actually think about what is going on in her head right now. Lots of feelings she doesn't know how to process, she is just trying to get that attention she used to have. She doesn't understand why she feels like she does and she doesn't know how to say what she feels.

She needs lots of cuddles and reassurance and patience from both of you. Forget about time out. It's making you all pissed off.

[TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN]

Yep. Cuddle DD1, tell DH to stop being a knob. She's 3.5 and she's got a brand new baby sister, just a couple of days after Christmas.

Imagine DH bringing home another wife and being told you have to love her and play nicely with her. I think you'd struggle too.

[Peopleplease]

Everything just seemed to reach a head earlier. DH just seemed to get really frustrated with her as he'd been out with her and she'd had a massive tantrum in the shop demanding toys. And with me she'd just kept shouting despite me asking her to stop.

DH thinks she's very naughty in general - I think his expectations are too high and she's pretty normal.

We did have a cuddle and DD said "we got a bit carried away"

[LotsoNumbers]

It's a massive adjustment for her though, she's probably struggling and feeling excluded without being sent to time out!

[GruffaloPants]

Oh bless her.

Keep going with the cuddles. It's a big adjustment, especially with Christmas thrown in.

[Peopleplease]

We've deliberately not had visitors so that's not been an issue. I think we are mentioning the baby too much though. But at the moment she's attached to my breast pretty constantly.