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Dh is at it again!! I'm so frustrated.

(16 Posts)
5upergirl25 Thu 29-Dec-16 04:59:25

Our dd is 6mths old. She sleeps in her own room but wakes 3-4 times a night. It doesn't matter where i put her she still wakes up. She's teething, plus i think she misses sleeping in our room. Dh gets frustrated when i go get her to put her back to sleep. He tells me 'let her cry back to sleep ', My maternal instincts say go to her. I end up sleeping on the couch bc im tired from getting up all night, which probably makes matters worse. But i literally cant take the crying. Im so sick of arguing about this. I'm not really sure what to do anymore. I feel so lost. The constant hounding about this is driving me crazy. I've tried explaining my reasons but it feels like a lost cause.

wtafloosingmymarbles Thu 29-Dec-16 05:04:44

Dont regret your instincts. You are doing the right thing. Your oh needs to stop being a dick.

53rdAndBird Thu 29-Dec-16 05:10:07

Well, he isn't being helpful. Even methods like controlled crying don't mean just ignoring the baby and letting it cry to sleep.

Is this something you could have a more sensible conversation about in the day when you're not both knackered?

Heirhelp Thu 29-Dec-16 05:18:22

There is lots of reasech about the negative impact of controlled crying although it sounds like what your DH wants to do is ignore her which is not controlled crying but neglect.

Your baby is crying because they need you. I started cosleeping with DD at 6 months as she needed me more and was going through a difficult developmental leap.

Discuss it with him in the morning. If necessary get the HV out to discuss it with both of you.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Thu 29-Dec-16 05:20:55

DH is an idiot. If she's teething she is literally crying out in pain and he would leave her alone in the night with no comfort when she's in pain? What a jerk!

Can you put a single bed/mattress in the room next to her crib so you can get some rest at the same time?

Just make sure the sheets can't be pulled into her bed so they don't become a hazard.

You are a really good mum. Maybe try explaining to "D"H just how awful it would be to be alone and in pain and see if he can wake up to himself a bit.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Thu 29-Dec-16 05:23:38

Sorry, saw that you've tried to explain to him. If that won't work then tell him it's none of his business what you do with your nights and if he can't be helpful then to shut his mouth.

Strawclutching Thu 29-Dec-16 05:34:17

I'm currently doing controlled crying so am in no way against it.

But she's only 6 months which is still young and waking 3-4 times a night is by no means excessive. Did he expect a 6 month old to be sleeping through?

Good luck.

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 29-Dec-16 05:39:38

Bless some babies really do suffer with the pain. You're doing very well. He clearly has a sympathy bypass.

FireflyGirl Thu 29-Dec-16 17:52:13

6 month olds cry because they need something, not for the fun of it! She isn't going to stop just because your DH wants to sleep!

3-4 times a night is pretty normal at that age, from what I remember.

You need to work out how best to deal with it - co-sleeping, a mattress in her room, whatever gets you some sleep! If it's teething, the only thing we found that helped was baby Nurofen.

He needs to pull his head out of his arse and start being a proper husband/father.

5upergirl25 Fri 30-Dec-16 17:50:58

He does think that she should sleep thru the night, but i just saw the doctor & discussed it with her & i was told, since she was a small baby when she was born (weighing at 5lb 5oz) she needs to nurse that often. She said it was very common for smaller babies to wake that much. I mentioned it to dd & he hasn't said anything since. He told me he wants to be more involved, I'm fine with that, but i wish I could convince him of a few things. I do feel like I'm doing the right thing with her. I just wish he would too.

Cakescakescakes Fri 30-Dec-16 17:52:44

My DC both woke 2-3 times a night until they were 1. Your DP needs to adjust his expectations.

Cakescakescakes Fri 30-Dec-16 17:53:34

They also both fed at night until around 10 months the. We were able to resettle with a dummy or sip of water.

balence49 Fri 30-Dec-16 17:59:38

Being more involved isn't the same as bullying you into ignoring your baby. Has he ever been in pain in the night. Helpless and then left to cry on his own?

balence49 Fri 30-Dec-16 18:00:50

Babies are not supposed to sleep thru. Not many adults do, they wake and then know how to drop back off, like he will but I'm guessing he's had at least 20 odd years to learn that.

5upergirl25 Sat 31-Dec-16 01:43:21

Tbh i think he expects me to do things like his mom. I've told him im not doing things like her, nor am i doing things like mine. We've come from such different parenting backgrounds. I'm willing to blend them together. Or at least try a few. I'm just hoping the next 6mths & on get better.

Juanbablo Sat 31-Dec-16 08:33:48

She's only 6 months so it's perfectly normal for her to be waking in the night, that's what your dh needs to understand. You carry on following your instincts because you are right to go to your dd when she cries.

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