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Saying goodbye/kisses to extended family

(13 Posts)
wildlingtribe Wed 28-Dec-16 22:09:43

This is something I don't feel comfortable with lately. We have 4 under 6 and I feel strongly about protecting their own choices. If they don't want to kiss goodbye that's fine with me especially to extended family.

So my mums partner and my mother in laws partner always copy my mum and mother in law (if that makes sense) and will just go along with the "kisses goodbye" kind of thing but it's not something I feel good about.

It's only a recent thing really but not sure how I can mention without offending my actual family.

Of course if I ever thought anything was wrong I would stand up for my children but there's nothing seedy about it, I just personally don't think it's needed. They are kind to our kids, and have been about since birth but it's just not necessary to peck goodbye. Maybe the kids see it as normal as us adults do it?

If at any point they say no, or ignore then I never make them do it. But I just wondered how to avoid it in any case.

cherrycrumblecustard Wed 28-Dec-16 22:10:51

How about suggesting a high five or a handshake

Crumbs1 Wed 28-Dec-16 22:13:18

If children don't mind what exactly is problem? Sad for kids to grow not trusting men. If they are rejecting the goodbyes that is different matter but sounds like you are creating a problem that doesn't exist.

JohnLapsleyParlabane Wed 28-Dec-16 22:17:03

You may find this article helpful m.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11769602&ref=NZH_fb
You could also try taking control of the situation and offering the children the opportunity to kiss goodbye or high five or something else.

Heirhelp Thu 29-Dec-16 22:29:08

I would just say to your little ones are you going to give good bye kisses or good bye waves?

pklme Thu 29-Dec-16 22:33:08

Blowing kisses is a nice compromise.

neversleepagain Thu 29-Dec-16 23:37:51

We kiss on both cheeks, it's a cultural thing. Kids don't bat an eye as we've always done it.

SleepEatPlayWork Thu 29-Dec-16 23:42:13

My DS gives both Grandma's partners high fives and come to think of it any men including uncles and cousins. I think it's partly due to him liking high fives but also some men who aren't immediate family might feel uncomfortable with kisses? It wouldn't even occur to me that one of them would kiss him

user1471446433 Thu 29-Dec-16 23:48:32

My dh's family are in your face extrovert types, we're a family of introverts with very wary toddlers.
If my kids don't want physical contact they don't have it - I say do you want to cuddle, kiss, high five or blow kisses to say goodbye. I have had to explain to PIL & listen to the moaning but I think the freely given cuddles when they come were all the more valuable.

OTOH I would never stop them kissing goodbye if they wanted to! DS takes a likeing to people every so often ...he is famous for hugging a washing machine delivery man goodbye!

BackforGood Thu 29-Dec-16 23:51:37

Is the issue because they are new partners / strangers to your dc, or because they are men (if they are)?
Thzt makes a difference to me.

Scotinoz Fri 30-Dec-16 00:17:35

This is something I've started to think about recently, now my DDs are getting older (3years and 20months). I just ask them to say goodbye to people, and leave the extent of it up to them. There are some people to choose to hug and kiss, and some just wave to.

I read a good article recently which suggested offering your child the choice of a hug, handshake or high five. Perhaps that's an option for you? Instead of a Uncle Bob just kissing, you could say "Time to say goodbye, do you want to give Uncle Bob a kiss or a high five?" That way both your children and the other adults know that there are other options on the table.

That said, if your children are into it then I wouldn't tell them not to kiss. You wouldn't tell a dad or a grandma kissing wasn't on (unless they were creepy, forcing it on the kids etc)

Jojobythesea Fri 30-Dec-16 00:28:52

My two DS 8 & 11 give 'man hugs' !! grin

BusterTheBulldog Fri 30-Dec-16 00:32:17

I'm glad you're like this op, I wish more were. I have no desire to kiss friends snotty nosed kids at all! Yet they still send them over, a high five / wave is perfectly fine!!

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