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Grandparents spoiling my child!(6 Posts)
Hey need some advice. So I have one LO, who's 3 and she's the first grandchild. My mum & step dad are spoiling her excessively and need some advice on what to do. So they are quite well off and what LO wants LO gets! Example, they took LO shopping and bought her shoes and a superhero costume when they dropped her home they realised they had left them at home, LO kicked off so grandad decided to take her to the shop and buy her more rather than wait to give her them next time. Each time they have her they buy her whatever she wants, if they bring sweets they usually bring bags of them and it's getting out of hand to the point where when they drop her home LO cries and says she wants to stay with them, it's breaking my heart and making me question myself. I have talked to them about it and they just laugh and say they are allowed to spoil her! I have told them about the impact but they are not taking it seriously. It's also causing problems with OH as when LO comes home from them she is always so naughty. I spoke to a friend the other day and she looked at me and said don't complain about it! It's getting to the point where I don't want her spending time with them. She is a nightmare when shopping as she kicks off if I say no to buying her something and says I want my Nannie. Dreading xmas day as I know they have spent a fortune on her. Am I being silly, I just don't want her to be a spoilt brat, any advice?
I don't think you're being unfair. Yes, grandparents want to spoil their children but within reason. It seems like they're trying to buy her affections and, whether it's their intention or not, it's making her put a lot of value on money. Could you try putting a different slant on it with your parents and say that you don't want her to become materialistic and you feel it is affecting her behaviour so could they stop buying so much but spoil her in other ways - days out, spending time with her baking or making things. Do you think they would go for that? They could even take her somewhere where you do have to pay as she'll have no understanding of the cost involved there but she will just enjoy the day. Also, if they went to a place like an aquarium or farm then there will be less things for her to want and for your parents to buy.
Ugh, I feel your pain. What pp suggested is great - spoil her with experiences and time and attention.
My son is also a nightmare shopping after going out with GPS - "I choosing" is now one of his phrases when out shopping, and I have to drag him away from the toy aisle. Just avoid the shops now -easier.
She's three so the naughtiness might just be she rather than specifically you parents' fault.
However why not just keep visits accompanied for now. As in you say while you visit your Mum
At 3 yo my DPs and PILs rarely had my DC alone unless they were sleeping. It's not necessary to hand her over, especially if they won't stick to your rules.
Also, I know it's a bit late in the day but do you have a present that you've bought for DH for Christmas which could be given from your LO to help her understand that Christmas is about giving gifts as well. That's assuming you haven't done something like that already. My DD is very excited about Christmas and getting presents so we've made a point of letting her choose a present for her little sister, she chose what to buy and went with us to the shop to choose it, pay for it and wrapped it with us. Tomorrow we'll make a big deal about DD1 giving it to her and make sure DD2 becomes attached to it (if only for the day!) so she will hopefully see some joy in giving too.
I agree with the "Spoil her with time, not money" approach. It would piss me off too. My in-laws are similar, but not as bad. Every time they visit they bring presents, even yesterday - 2 days before Christmas! I don't want DD growing up expecting presents every time people visit.
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