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How to deal with argumentative 7yo DD(11 Posts)
DD1 behaves impeccably for everyone but me. One issue is the way she seems to look for an argument and seems to want to get upset.
Me: DD, you were really well behaved for GPs today. I'm proud of you.
Me: GP mentioned that you opened the car door in the car park and he was worried you might hit another car. Please can you ask before you open the car door in future when you are with GP.
DD: So now I'm not allowed to open the car door.
Me: No, I just want you to ask when you're inside the GPs car.
DD: I wasn't going to hit another car. I'm not stupid.
Me: OK but just ask in future.
DD: Am I allowed to get in the car now?
Me: Yes of course. You don't need to ask to get in.
DD: Am I allowed to put on my seat belt now?
Me: Yes, you don't need to ask.
DD: I do need to ask because you said so. Because I'm so stupid and you think I'm a baby.
Me: I don't think that. You're not stupid or a baby.
DD: Yes I am, I'm a stupid baby.
DD: Now you're ignoring me. You're never going to listen to anything I say ever again. I hate you. I've had the worst day ever. You hate me don't you. You love DD2 but you hate me
and on and on and on. This usually ends with her in tears and rejecting my cuddles but then cuddling me really hard.
This happens multiple times a day.
We do have lots of good moments but I'd really like to stop this as it's exhausting.
Two trains of thought
1. Darling, how about we agree that you ask before opening the car door and everything else to do with the car you can do yourself of OK. or Did I mention getting/the seatbelt/whatever?
2. Darling, you seem a bit cross. Is something the matter?
I refuse to engage with this kind of tit for tat. I have a 7 year old and she attempts similar. But she can't argue by herself so if she starts then I just say calmly that I'm not going to have this kind of conversation and close it down.
I don't think anything I say will change the course of the argument. Even iff I ask her why she's upset it still ends up the same.
I do need to stop the conversation completely at the first sign of this but I'm not sure how to do it.
Sign of an intelligent articulate child
Just say, "I'm not having this conversation with you" and ignore her till she's civil. You have to bite your tongue but it works.
Don't engage her - you're the parent and have told her what you want, she has to do as you ask. It shouldn't be up for debate
I get "worse day ever" from my 7 year old too. Older ds used to say it too. I just don't engage, cut it dead and stop the discussion when it becomes childish argumentative like you describe.
Regarding the car door banging into other cars - not sure what asking before opening the door is supposed to achieve? It does seem a babyish request for a 7 year old. I would more have given instruction like: you must always open the door slowly and carefully if there is another car next to you so you don't bang the door into another car.
Some people love a good argument. My dd is still like this at times, she is 13. I think she might be like this at 30 tbh, it's just her personality.
I see it like I have three options in dealing with it:
1. Join in and have a bloody good row.
2. Love bombing.
3. Use humour / silliness. Last week, when she was clearly up for an argument while we decorating the tree, I sung her a slightly rude version of a hymn and hung baubles on her ears. We ended up having a laugh and then quite a civilised chat about why she was really so narky.
I use a mixture of all three (not so proud of the first one).
I would love to just ignore, but she won't let me. As you've described with your dd, she'll just use this another stick to poke you with.
OK I will stop engaging with her. She's really lovely and funny the rest of the time. I think this is all for attention but she gets plenty of attention.
FATEdestiny I actually agree a bit about the car door but was passing the message on from my dad. I normally just tell her if she needs to open it carefully or to get out on the other side if necessary. But it was more just an example of the type of arguments we have.
LittleBoat I do the silliness too which sometimes works.
It really is important to open car doors with vigilance, if my son flung open the car door in front of a cyclist that person could be badly injured!
Hunger is usually the reason for this kind of conversation in my house.
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