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Need advise! Am I wrong to feel hurt?

(32 Posts)
lauraloo1 Mon 19-Dec-16 18:51:09

My friend I met at antenatal class 4 years ago has become my best friend and our boys are also best mates. We spent everyday of Mat leave together and have remained really close texting everyday and meeting as much as we can. The other day she texted me to say her son is having a joint birthday party with another mutual friend because they live so close there children go to nursery together, so have a lot of mutual friends! My friend texted me saying obviously my son would be a VIP and the one they want there the most.

Then a few days later got I message saying they had booked the bday party on my sons actual birthday and she's knows it's my sons birthday but we were still welcome to come. How would I explain to my son it's your birthday but we are going to someone else's party and you don't get a party on his actual birthday? (We decided not to do a party this year) I feel by booking a party on my sons birthday she has excluded us when we are meant to be best mates. I feel she has be selfish and not really thought about how this might make me and my son feel.

Just feel hurt and not sure she is the friend I thought she was. Am I right to feel this way?

Wolfiefan Mon 19-Dec-16 18:53:17

You can still have a party on that day. Just a different time.
But you aren't having a party for your son anyway?!
No. Don't get it. Go or don't go but I don't see the issue TBH.

FatOldBag Mon 19-Dec-16 18:56:19

I don't see the problem here at all.

babyblabber Mon 19-Dec-16 18:56:41

You are over reacting. It's not ideal for you but I wouldn't expect someone, no matter how close to arrange their child's party around my child's birthday. Particularly when she needs to accommodate the other child and perhaps factor in other birthdays that may be close in date in the nursery.

Explain to your child why he's not having a party but that he gets to go to one anyway. He won't be nearly as upset as you are.

chipsandpeas Mon 19-Dec-16 18:59:16

your overreacting

lauraloo1 Mon 19-Dec-16 19:11:09

Not having a party no but will do something special for him. I wouldn't take him to another party. It's just something I would never do, as I know he would want his best mate since he was baby there more then anything so I guess he would be the first one I would consider. She says my son is like a son to her.

Wolfiefan Mon 19-Dec-16 19:13:01

But the party won't be the whole day. I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill TBH.

Scooby20 Mon 19-Dec-16 19:17:42

It's a joint party so will be accommodating both kids. I can't see the issue myself. Parties are a couple of hours. I don't see the issue myself.

Reality16 Mon 19-Dec-16 19:18:38

I don't see the issue. She can book a party for whenever she wants. You sound a bit precious with the 'she said he is the one they want there the most and he will be a VIP'. What a load of crap, it's a kids party ffs.

CanandWill Mon 19-Dec-16 19:18:59

She has done nothing wrong. It is hard to fix on a date/time for a joint party. My dd went to some one elses party on her 4th birthday. She loves going to parties so it wasn't an issue. After the party we took her out for dinner and did cake etc there.

RandomMess Mon 19-Dec-16 19:19:23

You are reading far too much into your friends actions.

She wants to share the cost of a party with someone that it works with because they share nursery friends etc. They will struggle to find times and dates that work for both families and that the venue is free.

She has made it clear that they very much want your son there!!!

Do a special trip with your DS for his birthday treat on another day - it's only a big deal to your son if you make it into one confused

FatOldBag Mon 19-Dec-16 19:19:51

Why not take him to the party? Most people would, and your friend isn't a mind reader. Stop being weird about it, let him go to his friend's party and do something nice with the rest of the day (or the day before or after).

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Mon 19-Dec-16 19:20:34

It'll be 2 hours out of the day, why on earth would it be a problem?! confused

Waltermittythesequel Mon 19-Dec-16 19:21:34

Did she know you weren't planning on having a party for your son?

Hoppinggreen Mon 19-Dec-16 19:22:23

Her sons birthday is about HER son, not yours. You sound a bit precious to be honest.

Highlove Mon 19-Dec-16 19:55:10

You are being precious. Really don't see the issue.

MavisTheTwinklyToreador Mon 19-Dec-16 19:58:58

Maybe she was trying to be nice by choosing that day, knowing you weren't doing your own party. It doesn't sound like she's trying to offend you.

tabytha Mon 19-Dec-16 20:04:32

Are you sure she knows it's his birthday? I don't have a clue when any of my friends kids birthdays are, some I've known for 10+ years (including one that I was at the birth of!!)

Quartz2208 Mon 19-Dec-16 20:07:57

Meeting in an antenatal class the birthdays are close, they have to fit in with entertainment venue etc and the other friend and is his birthday on a weekend. You are overreacting

MyWineTime Mon 19-Dec-16 21:09:20

So you don't want your son to have a party, but is best friend can't have a party on the same day?
I'm not getting your problem at all. You are being ridiculous. Take your son to his friend's party.

Laineymc7 Mon 19-Dec-16 21:16:26

Why don't you suggest joining in as it's your sons birthday too?

willconcern Mon 19-Dec-16 21:25:22

You are being totally and utterly ridiculous. Why on earth wouldn't you take your son to a party on your birthday??

You sound like very hard work. To be honest your friendship sounds totally suffocating too. Every day of mat leave together? Are you sure you aren't just pissed off that this woman has friends other than you?

willconcern Mon 19-Dec-16 21:26:18

On HIS birthday in my first paragraph...

What will you do when your son has to go to school on his birthday?

Reality16 Mon 19-Dec-16 21:26:24

Why don't you suggest joining in as it's your sons birthday too? definitely don't do this. I would be astounded and speechless if my friend invited themselves to join in my DC party simply because it was on the date of theirs. No.

Artioo2 Mon 19-Dec-16 22:19:35

Birthday party dates are a nightmare to organise and it'll only get worse when he starts school. You have to just grow a thicker skin and go with the flow.

Also, a 4-year-old won't give a flying monkey that he's going to someone else's party on his birthday, he'll just be delighted to be going to a party at all. You're projecting your feelings about it onto him with all the 'how do I tell him' stuff.

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