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No overwhelming love????

(10 Posts)
Ftii Mon 19-Dec-16 09:57:36

My son is 5months old and I've not had this immense feeling of love other people talk about. I love him, of course, but I don't feel overwhelmed every time I look at him. I'm not a lovey person in general, don't say I love you to my husband or any of my family. My baby was planned and I had a great pregnancy and labour, we have a great life and group of friends, it's just this niggle I have that I don't love my son as much as a should.

Has anyone else felt this way?

AprilLudgateDwyer Mon 19-Dec-16 10:09:03

Yes! I adore my kids would do anything for them and fight to the death for them but I've never had the overwhelming feeling of love for them and I'm ok with that. My love for them had grown every day as I get to see their personalities developing.

kittymamma Mon 19-Dec-16 10:09:42

Firstly, I had to check the date on your post as I know for sure that I have read almost identical posts in the past. So you are far from alone.

Love is a very odd thing isn't it? We try to define an emotion that is very wishy washy. You say you feel you don't love him enough, so you do feel that you love him? Surely this is enough? Why try to quantify it?

pinkhousesarebest Mon 19-Dec-16 10:12:09

Yes with my pfb. I seemed like an adoring mother but I often felt like I was playing a role and there was no warmth behind it. I had dd two years later and it suddenly clicked into place. Not everyone feels that rush of pure love straight away. For some it's a learning curve I suppose.
Fwiw my son is now 14 and is lovely and very well balanced so I didn't do him any harm.

NotAPuffin Mon 19-Dec-16 10:19:01

I didn't either, till they got older and I got to know who they were. Now they're 6 and 4 and I find myself trying not to think about how much I love them because it's actually painful! And I could talk the whole human race to death about how brilliant and funny and nice and adorable they are (thankfully I try not to !) Don't worry about it, you'll get there.

likewhatevs Mon 19-Dec-16 10:19:27

I'd say its pretty normal. I've never felt like that about my DS1. I do about my DS2 but they are very different - DS1 is detached and not- naturally -touchy and quite stroppy and pessimistic. (Like me basically) His birth was very traumatic and I don't think I ever really bonded with him.
DS2 is happy and loving and cuddly and soft and warm and sometimes the things he says make me 'pang' with love.
I do love them both however. I try to 'love bomb' DS1 as much as I can because he doesn't initiate it like DS2 does.
There's no point overanalysing. I've realised that now. There is no 'right' way to feel about a child because like you, every one of them is unique.

You cannot help how you feel, only how you act. I try to behave in a way that makes both of them feel overwhelmingly loved, even though I am 'mean mummy' a lot of the time (No you can't go on the xbox, no you can't have chocolate for breakfast, etc) because I want their memories to be filled with cuddles.

Foldedtshirt Mon 19-Dec-16 10:21:48

Why don't you say 'I love you' to your husband and family? Love is a verb, it's not too late to start 'play acting' loving if you don't already and you should.

Bauble16 Mon 19-Dec-16 10:34:13

Definately normal. Love isn't really a gushy feeling of joy. I mean we can feel joy from love but love is caring deeply for the happiness and safety of another and for me never wanting to live without them. After all my parents don't stare at me age 30 with gushing grins and declaring profound love!

Bloody social media etc creates way too many expectations imo

Bauble16 Mon 19-Dec-16 10:39:46

whatevs that's a great example. It's not what you feel as feelings are fickle and come and go. It's that you do for their happiness and wellbeing. My 2 DC and similar to yours, I also love bomb the moody eldest!

ElphabaTheGreen Mon 19-Dec-16 10:41:13

Nope, I never had this with either of my DCs, so not to worry.

They are the two most important things in my life, I love them to their bones and I'd give my life for them without hesitation, but I never got that overwhelming rush that Facebook insists every new mother gets.

I've never spent hours watching them adoringly while they sleep either, which I believe is the other thing you're supposed to do. Well, I have, but it was from an unwilling position in the bed next to them or on their bedroom floors while muttering curse-filled incantations to make the little buggers sleep for longer than two hours at a stretch. There was no love-heart-shaped pupils involved whatsoever.

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